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Mum has Alzheimer's - feeling very lonely!

(10 Posts)
Fishandjam Thu 13-Oct-11 01:19:31

Hi everyone,

Looks like I might have posted in the wrong section... link above. Would appreciate some advice!


suburbandream Thu 13-Oct-11 10:20:59

Hello FishandJam, I posted on the other thread before I saw this - never knew there was an Elderly parents section! I have a feeling I will be spending quite some time here as DH's mother is also getting on a bit and having lost her husband this year she is finding it increasingly hard to cope alone.

ssd Thu 13-Oct-11 16:25:07

ho folks, glad you've both found this topic, feel its not well known enough yet and could probably benefit more folks...

sorry you're feeling alone op, I have an old mum too and I know its lonely at the best of times, without alzhiemers thrown in sad

bumping for you

ssd Thu 13-Oct-11 16:25:43

not ho

hi !!

gremlindolphin Sat 15-Oct-11 13:42:25

Hi f&j, just thought I'd say hi, my mum doesn't have alzhiemers but is sometimes very confused about what has happened to her as illness has necessitated a complete change in circumstances for her.

She is still herself but often grumpy, frustrated and self absorbed and I miss the Mum she was. sometimes after being with her, I find myself thinking "I must ring Mum" but I'm thinking of the old Mum in her house as she was before. Its hard.

I'll read your thread now!


gremlindolphin Sat 15-Oct-11 13:47:11

Just read your post, you have been through a lot and I empathise with you as we have too.

My Mum is 76 and due to a brain tumour is now half paralysed and in a nursing home which feels young to me, I am an only child as well and have just spent the last year clearing her house - she was a hoarder so it was a monumental task but done now (few boxes still to go in my garage!) and we now have tenants in her house.

chickydoo Sat 15-Oct-11 14:04:50

I will hold your hand on this journey. My Mum is just 70, has dementia and total paralysis due to a stroke. My dad is lonely, and wants my attention all the time, he also wants me to visit mum all the time in her nursing home too. I work 6 days out of 7, and have 4 kids....I have lost my Mum, it was hard enough to do everything when she was able to help me, but now I have to help her, but I am torn between her, Dad, the kids, work, home, DH all a bit much really.

twentyten Tue 18-Oct-11 22:25:57

Here too. Can't solve but can listen. You are not alone .

Fishandjam Wed 19-Oct-11 15:31:16

Hello ladies (and any lurking gents!)

Thank you for your lovely supportive posts. I'm feeling a bit better - I probably just needed time to process everything. (Though I'm still going to find a counsellor to have a jolly good whinge at!)

Chicky, dolphin, dream, it all sucks don't it. Particularly the house clearing thing. I didn't think I'd find it as hard as I did - after all, it wasn't my childhood home or anything. But junking or sending to the charity shop all the things that had surrounded her while she was at home, was pretty grim. Plus I found paperwork relating to my grandparents' suicides back in the late 1950s, which made shockingly sad reading. dolphin, I've been thinking of writing a guide on how to clear a relative's house, if you're on your own doing it!

Chicky, I don't know what your exact situation is but it sounds like you're really being torn. I do feel for you (and I'm holding your hand right back). I'm afraid I was pretty brutal in my thinking: DS and DH came first. They are my future. Mum, unfortunately, had to come in second. This is why I never for one nanosecond considered having her come to live with me. (Though as it turned out, my GP absolutely forbade it, due to DS being so young and therefore vulnerable.) I know many people think that's harsh and uncaring of me but frankly they can do one. In any event, the ones who have criticised me are the ones who have no idea what dementia really means, and the risks to life and property it can bring. (My great aunt almost burned her house down by putting an electric kettle on the gas ring to boil.)

As I said on my other thread, I guess we have to play the hand life deals us. Onward and upward (or something!) smile

readsalotgirl Mon 24-Oct-11 18:13:01

Hi - just adding my support. Have just moved mum 150 miles to be nearer to me and am trying to figure out when I can go back to finish clearing out the house. It is hard and this thread has been a great help to me in the last few weeks especially as I have frequently felt overwhelmed and as if everyone wants a piece of me and there isn't enough to go round. Mum was very confused the first week after the move but it is getting better and I am convinced I've done the right thing. I am very fortunate that DH is very very supportive and an aunt and uncle have also been very supportive and helped calm my fears that I'd made a huge mistake moving mum. I agree that children and partners must come first but it does make me feel guilty at times - and I am still shocked at how dependent mum is. This thread is great at helping you realise you're not alone and that all the feelings of guilt, frustration and sadness are quite normal. So indeed "onward and upward" ( or chin up, chest out!)

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