Twins starting Reception - school want to separate

(48 Posts)
Claireeee Mon 26-Apr-10 18:46:47

School want to separate even though latest research says it's harmful and causes psychological problems. I am a teacher so know the arguments for separating ie developing individuality, etc.

We're meeting with school next week and want to here from anyone who has won this battle! HELP!!

maddy68 Mon 26-Apr-10 20:23:57

to be honest I would never want my twins to be together. Let them become individuals, make individual friends

clam Mon 26-Apr-10 20:34:14

Never mind the latest research. Soon as the inks' dry on it, there'll be another study that says the opposite.
What do you think, as their mother? Who knows them best?

duckyfuzz Mon 26-Apr-10 20:35:52

mine have no choice as single class entry, they are now in Y1 and I think would love to be separated, but wont get the chance

snowmash Mon 26-Apr-10 20:43:16

What do you think, yourself? (and will they be together at break and lunch?)

FWIW, if I had had the option, I would have liked to be in a different class from my twin earlier than age 13 (schools were too small to enable it).

I also think it depends if they are identical or not...but that's just me (I may be biassed having gone through from nursery not being called my name, but rather the name of my twin and two other girls out of the year of 12 children...)

I think it's good that you have some choice.

BendyBob Mon 26-Apr-10 20:44:28

Ours were separated and it's been absolutely the right thing for them.

But when they started at infant school the school very much let us decide what we wanted to do and I appreciated that. I think it's important to listen to parents.

Some sets of twins would be very distressed I guess, so I do think if that's the case the school should be flexible.

I just thought it could be delaying the inevitable which may be more distressing if they have to be separated later eg starting junior school. They enjoy having their 'own' class and teacher.

lifeissweet Mon 26-Apr-10 20:56:45

It really depends on the children. I had a class a few years ago which had two sets of twins (rather unusual as the school tends to have a policy of separating them in reception). One pair were fine together. They sat in different places in the class, had different friends (although some inevitable overlap)and there seemed to be no problem with it.

One twin in the other pair was very dominating and always spoke on behalf of the other. She was physically larger, although academically far less able. Even when the smaller twin seemed ready and able to express herself, the larger one would step in and interrupt. I think these two should probably have been separated.

You know best. You are their mother. I think the school should listen to you.

Jajas Mon 26-Apr-10 21:00:29

I wish that my twins could be separated (yr3) but again the school is too small to accommodate this desire. They have the same friends and everything just overlaps and suffocates. Saying that, they are very young for their age and had a hideous time when they started in reception so separating them back then might well have done more harm than good.

I do think that it should be up to you though and not the school.

maddy68 Mon 26-Apr-10 21:04:27

Its up to the school tbh, they will do what they think is best based on your children and the dynamics of the class as a whole

LouMacca Mon 26-Apr-10 21:06:31

Originally I asked for my boy/girl twins to be kept together. When they started reception my son was soooo shy and quiet that I knew just having his sister with him was the right decision.

School has been the making of my son, he is a completely different child and has a wide circle of lovely friends and bags of confidence.

After Year 1 I told the school I would leave it up to them to decide if they were kept together in Year 2 and then going into Juniors. They made the decision to keep them together as there was no reasons not to. They have their own circle of friends and they get on so well that the teachers felt it would be to my childrens benefit to stay together.

There are two other sets of twins in their year (both sets are indentical boys) who were separated from the start at the parents request. I do think being same sex or indentical twins does make a difference whether to split.

drinkmoretea Mon 26-Apr-10 21:11:03

I don't understand why it's up to the school?

It should be your choice, you know your children.

My DTs were together in reception (small school, one class) but I separated them when we moved, my choice, the school asked me what I wanted to do.

It has totally been the right choice for us, but it's not going to be the right choice for everybody.

I would be considering a different school.

Skegness Mon 26-Apr-10 21:11:32

It's worth phoning TAMBA Twinline for advice. I think their take is that there is no right answer and it depends on what individual families want for their twins. My boys have been together and apart at different times in their school career and have always been fine either way.

snorris Mon 26-Apr-10 21:18:54

The school that my g/g twins go to has only one class per year so obviously they have to be together (they are now in yr 2). However, if it was a larger school I would have asked that they stayed together in Reception, particularly as they didn't know anybody else having gone to a different pre-school to the rest of the class. I would have then been happy to split them up into different classes.

snorris Mon 26-Apr-10 21:20:04

Just to clarify, that would be splitting them up from yr1 onwards .

amumm Tue 27-Apr-10 12:48:39

Definitely think separating them makes sense - and not just for the twins themselves. There is a set of twins in my daughter's (smallish) class who completely dominate the class. They are hugely confident, have their way on everything, back each other up in a way that is not available to the other non-twin children, etc. To the point that parents have been asking to have their own children moved out of the class. My own daughter says no one can stand up to the twins because it's always two against one. I realise this is probably an extreme situation ...

rubyrubyruby Tue 27-Apr-10 12:52:58

I wasn't aware that was the result of latest research - at what age do they recommend it then?

Mine have always been separated - even at playgroup.

FabIsGoingToGetFit Tue 27-Apr-10 12:54:20

Tell them no, surely they can't make you?

My ds2 has 3 sets of twins in his year, 2 in one class.

When ds1 was in reception there were twins and they were together until year 3.

MintHumbug Tue 27-Apr-10 13:35:06

Our friends have twins the same age as DS. They found that there is only 1 primary school in our area that will allow twins to stay together in the same class.

They felt very strongly that they wanted their twins to stay together so sent them to that school. At DS's school there are 2 sets of twins in his year but they have been separated since the start.

I don't know whether its legal or not for schools to specify this but it does seem to be a very common policy at schools where there is more than one class per year group.

rubyrubyruby Tue 27-Apr-10 15:02:35

I'm not saying that this is whats happened in your case but many schools seek guidance from pre-schools about sibling/friendship groups and relationships between certain children.

campion Tue 27-Apr-10 16:08:56

I work in a secondary school with several sets of twins and school policy is blanket separation. You would have thought that there wouldn't be an issue in secondary, and so did I until a particular pair came along who weren't happy with the idea but were separated anyway.

I think it's had quite a negative effect on one of them and , whilst academically successful, she has never seemed happy or confident. She may have been like that anyway but it does make me wonder.

You know your children. What works for someone else's twins isn't necessarily relevant.

Rollmops Tue 27-Apr-10 20:28:50

Our twins will stay together, why, even at 2 they are good little buddies, really play together well and obviously enjoy each others company. They look absolutely different and have totally different personatlities though. I believe it would be good for them to have the 'best friend' from birth, why would I want to tear them apart. They are öittle individuals not copies of each other.

CeciC Tue 27-Apr-10 20:32:00

In my DD1 class, Y4, there are twins (boy/girl) which they always fight. As well there is one girl whose twin goes to another school. So not just different classes but different schools altogether. They are very close, and I think it has helped a lot how they interact with each other but in a very positive way.
If I had twins, I would like them to be in different classes, just alows them to become individuals.

Rollmops Tue 27-Apr-10 20:53:35

However CeciC, you don't have twins as of yet so you really can not comment, can you, dear?hmm
Not all twins are copies of each other for crying out loud, so these comments about 'allowing them to become individuals' are daft. To be honest, I don't know that many people, not twins mind you, I'd consider 'individuals' anyway. Vast part of the population are your average dull gray boring slightly overweight and slightly depressed things, moping about. Yaawn.

maddy68 Tue 27-Apr-10 22:23:48

It is up to the school - parents have no right to tell a school which class/sets etc they want their child to go into.

Obviously they will listen to parents if they feel strongly about something but the school will consider all aspects, not just your children but the impact on other children, friendship groups, ability, gender balance, behaviour etc

Schools see the bigger picture, Parents see only their childrens primary interests.

Dont forget that the school has your childrens welfare at the forefront of any decisions too and they really will look at the whole picture

Obviously if you dont agree with the school you are within your rights to send them elsewhere if you can find a place.

SpringHeeledJack Tue 27-Apr-10 22:31:30

My dds school left it up to us.

they advised at first splitting them up- then changed their minds as my dcs relationship changed- they went from one answering for the other to something a bit more balanced. I really think the school should discuss it fully with you. Then- whatever the outcome- they should be flexible and change if necessary. It seems quite odd to have a fixed policy on this one, imo, without observing the children in question...

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