should we make her go to school?

[chicagomum]

dd is 3and a half, for the past three weeks she has been going to a summer camp at a local school (we are in usa for 6 months) so she can play with other kids (we don't really know anyone here) for the first 2 weeks it was fine but the last week she's been hysterical every morning when i drop her begging me not to leave snot bubbles, the works. I phone when i get home and they say she's fine. when i pick her up she says she's had a good day but the next morning its the same story, she doesn't need to go as i'm not at work (it's basically like a childcare facility during the school holidays) but we did it because we thought she would enjoy it, dh says we should persevere as back in the uk when she starts school proper she'll have to go and if we give in now she'll think she can get away with it so to speak, but i feel awful leaving her in that state and i'm worried it could have an effect when she returns to nursery in uk, any thoughts?

[aloha]

Oh take the poor little mite out. What's the point? She doesn't have to go and you are both being made utterly miserable.

[hercules]

Dont send her.

[charliecat]

she doesnt have to start school till 5 in the UK, take her out and try again in a few months

[chicagomum]

the thing is she seems to have a good time -they swim go out to the playground etc and when she comes home she says she has fun and enjoys it but then in the morning its "i don't want to go to school" "please don't leave me" etc, i can't understand why she's blowing hot and cold

[chicagomum]

she was at nursery in uk before we left and she loved it (we used to have tears on saturday morning when she realised she wasn't going to school) this summer camp is just an 8 week thing to give her the chance to play with other kids, what i'm also afraid of is if we take her out she'll then decide she does want to go, but it will be to late

[KatieinSpain]

Can't you give her a long weekend off and then, decide on Monday? What have the camp staff said about her being so upset?

My niece never went to pre-school for similar reasons but went on to love school itself, become a head girl and is now studying medicine , so a break can work wonders.

[PrincessPeaHead]

if she went to nursery in the UK and loved it, and is at this camp and doesn't want to go, then take her out of the camp! she is obviously exercising discrimination and it isn't doing either of you any favours.

if you are worried about "giving in" to her then tell her that the camp is finished and it is holiday now. But she clearly is only tolerating it,not really enjoying it.

[chicagomum]

she only goes 3 days a week so i'll see how she is when i pick her up and in the morning. she is due to go tomorrow but not friday, but i think if we get it again tomorrow i'll keep her home and adress it again next week, the camp say she settles after about 5 mins and is fine the rest of the day, but from the moment she wakes up until i leave she says she doesn't want to go, so i don't know what's going on, i've tried asking her why she doesn't want to go and she just says "coz" !?!?

[PrincessPeaHead]

she may well be fine the rest of the day, but she is telling you that she doesn't want to go on a daily basis. so she is bearing with it because once she is there she knows she hasn't any choice, but is that what you want?
are you going to do another 5 weeks of this?
she seems very young to go to a summer camp that you don't need to send her to and that she doesn't enjoy. why not just buy a paddling pool and let her muck around in the garden and enjoy being 3 and with mummy and daddy on holiday?

[PrincessPeaHead]

she wants to be with you, it seems very plain to me

[fishfinger]

yep
agree

p[oor girl

[chicagomum]

we have no garden, we are in a downtown appartment without a balconey and daddy is at work all day, we're not here on holiday

[fishfinger]

do you work?

[PrincessPeaHead]

yes but she is on holiday.
so take her to millennium park, take her to "Tots on Tuesdays" at Shedd Aquarium (aimed at 3-5 yr olds), take her to any of the 10 beaches on lakeshore drive, go out and have fun with her.

[fishfinger]

oh yes

[PrincessPeaHead]

I am of course assuming you are in Chicago. Replace those suggestions with equally good ones for any other US location.

[chicagomum]

on the days that she's not at school (4 days a week)we do do thiings like that @(you seem to know chicago well by btw) she asked to go to school whilst we are here and as i said it was no probs for the first 2 weeks (she's only been like this the last 3 times) yesterday she didn't want to leave and the teachers say she joins in and has fun, so i don't know if its genuine or she's playing up

[PrincessPeaHead]

I don't think they play up at that age tbh. she probably wanted to go to school because she had in the UK, and wondered where it had "gone" - now she has decided she has had enough. which is understandable, in the illinois heat of mid july!

I'm off to cape cod in 2 days, looking forward to all the childrens things going on there but will mostly sit on a beach digging and increasingly large hole in the sand and filling up buckets with hermit crabs... ahhhhh

[uwila]

Hi Chicagomum. I'm actually inclined to agree with your DH about establishing the rule that she has to go or she'll think school later is optional. But, since so many other don't agree I'm probably wrong.

I hope you are otherwise enjoyong Chicago. I miss it so in the summer!

Peahead, have you lived in Chicago?

[chicagomum]

uwila have you emailed me in the past or am i confusing you with someone else?

[Twiglett]

actually I think that's a very normal phase for a child to go through .. they start off loving the new experience and then a few weeks in they suddenly have a crisis of confidence and focus on your leaving .. within 5 mins of your departure they are fine again

personally I'd keep taking her as she is of the age where she will enjoy socialising and will learn a lot about group communication and making friends and listening .. all good skills for school

[Caligula]

Think it's ages to go in her life till school - she won't be learning any negative lesson about giving up.

My DS hated playgroup when he first started, at 3 and a quarter. When he started again at 3 and a half, he was fine. And he settled fine in school. He didn't assume he didn't need to go to school, just because I'd taken him out of playgroup so many months ago that he couldn't remember...

[Enid]

god

Please take her out. Poor, poor child.

Hasn't it crossed your mind she is stressed about going to the USA? I can't believe you are even considering sending her, especially as you don't work.

The idea that she will get the message that she will get away with it when she starts school is rubbish, I am afraid to say.

My 3 year old will be starting kindergarten in Sept - if she HATES it I will have no hesitation in taking her out as I know it will in no way set a precedent for proper school - and I work!!

I think it will have an effect when she returns to nursery actually, as it could very well ruin her confidence.

[jenkel]

My dd is 3 and has been going to nursery 2 mornings a week since she was 2, for the last 2 months we have had tears, tantrums the works when I drop her off. I hang around outside and within minutes I hear her playing happily. The staff say she is a really happy little girl during the session and takes part in everything and when I pick her up she seems really happy. I would be worried but I was exactly the same when I was younger, think they call in seperation anxiety. Once she has realised I have gone she is quite happy. And she seems to really get something from the session. Can you hang around outside and listen for a bit, or go to pick her up a bit earlier and listen outside the door. Based on what the staff say, the way I was and the way she is when I pick her up I am happy for her to carry on going.

[JoolsToo]

I wouldn't send her - it makes you unhappy and she's unhappy - whats the point? she's only little bless her - I didn't have any pre-schooling and look how fab I've turned out