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Do you think this playgroup staff member was out of order...?

(83 Posts)
QueenEagle Wed 29-Jun-05 11:07:01

I took ds3 for a preliminary visit to the playgroup he will be starting in October the other day. A comment by one of the staff about my ds has left me a bit rattled.

As I was holding ds4 at the time, she helped ds3 to wash his hands in the bowl after painting. She handed him a paper towel which he held but didn't dry his hands with it. She tried to encourage him to do it but he was really shy and just put his head down, so she dried them for him and said, "Oh, another one who has everything done for him at home, I see."

Now I find this a tad out of order. Would you have thought the same or am I being oversensitive?

QueenOfQuotes Wed 29-Jun-05 11:08:04



That's not on! Especially as it was his first visit - lots of kids are shy at times like that!

Pinotmum Wed 29-Jun-05 11:08:44

Sorry but I think you are being oversensitive.

coppertop Wed 29-Jun-05 11:09:15

I would have been seriously p*ssed off. Judgemental and jumping to conclusions without having a clue about your home-life.

koalabear Wed 29-Jun-05 11:09:22

definitely not on and definitely needs to be pointed out to the nursury - shame on them!

cazzybabs Wed 29-Jun-05 11:09:53

God - Isabelle is left to fend her self - (well not quite but I really don't do much for her and she has been in nursery since she was 3 months) but she would be exactly the same if a new person in a new place was trying to give her something. So in answer to your question YES

QueenOfQuotes Wed 29-Jun-05 11:10:31

pinot - it was the kids first EVER visit to the playgroup. Just because on one occasion the child was too shy to dry his hands doesn't mean that he's automatically "one who has everything done for him"

I should imagine with 4 (or is it 5 QE I've got a memory like sieve) children she hasn't got TIME to do everything for all of them

blossom2 Wed 29-Jun-05 11:11:19

that kind of comment would really make me angry and i'd definitely say something to the manager/head.

silly woman!

Miaou Wed 29-Jun-05 11:11:37

Even if he did have everything done for him at home it was tactless of her to make that point in his and your hearing. The fact that she assumed that, rather than the fact that he might be shy, is perhaps a little surprising given her position.

However I wouldn't let it put me off either the person or the nursery - I would let it go for now.

QueenEagle Wed 29-Jun-05 11:13:06

This WAS his first visit EVER to the playgroup and the woman who was helping him was a stranger to him. He was just really shy. At home he is more than capable of drying his hands himself.

QueenEagle Wed 29-Jun-05 11:22:42

QofQ - I have 5

ds3 and ds4 are my youngest two so they have me all to themselves during the day at home. Obviously ds3 being only almost 2 and a half, he gets a lot of help but he is actively encouraged to do things for himself whenever appropriate.

If she had said something like "you'll have to dry your hands yourself when you come here" I wouldn't have batted an eyelid. The fact she made sucha judgemental, sweeping statement has really pissed me off. The p/g as a whole though is brilliant so I won't let an insensitive comment like that put me off.

I just wanted to see what other mums thought.

morningpaper Wed 29-Jun-05 11:23:14

You lot are WAY too over-sensitive! Sure maybe the woman doesn't have the best people-skills in the world but she was probably just trying to make chit-chat. I feel sorry for her.

bundle Wed 29-Jun-05 11:23:51

over sensitive

QueenOfQuotes Wed 29-Jun-05 11:23:56

chit-chat??? making comments like that IN FRONT of the child!!!

morningpaper Wed 29-Jun-05 11:25:29

It just sounds like a gentle tease to me.

QueenEagle Wed 29-Jun-05 11:25:55

morningpaper - why do you feel sorry for her?

moondog Wed 29-Jun-05 11:25:57

I woulb be extremely irritated (and upset) by this too queeneagle.

koalabear Wed 29-Jun-05 11:26:45

you don't tease 3 year olds - i still remember being "teased" by my mothers friends about an incident - 3 year olds don't know the difference

morningpaper Wed 29-Jun-05 11:27:12

I feel sorry for her because so many responses here suggest that you talk to the manager about it! Poor woman.

QueenEagle Wed 29-Jun-05 11:27:16

He is not quite 2 and a half yet.

morningpaper Wed 29-Jun-05 11:29:11

Have you lot ever BEEN to pre-schools lately?! They are rough as a badger's bum around here. If he can't cope with that kind of comment he's going to fall apart when he has to mix with his peers.

jellyhead Wed 29-Jun-05 11:29:16

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

QueenEagle Wed 29-Jun-05 11:29:58

Morningpaper - I am not about to storm down there and make a big fuss and ask for the woman to be fired, for goodness sake! She should know (assuming she is experienced and had training etc) that kids who are visiting for the very first time are bound to be a little shy. Also remember that he is only just about to turn 2 and a half. Surely it's her job to help them feel welcome as well as the parents. Would it have mattered to just dry his hands for him, this ONCE?

QueenOfQuotes Wed 29-Jun-05 11:30:53

MP - well that's unfortunate - the playgroups round here and fantastic

coppertop Wed 29-Jun-05 11:31:48

I live in a pretty rough area and the staff still manage to be polite when parents and new children are visiting.

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