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I want to reward dd1 - dh doesn't, which of us is right?

(81 Posts)
sobernow Tue 28-Jun-05 22:00:12

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

QueenOfQuotes Tue 28-Jun-05 22:02:06

I think a treat would be lovely.

There's a BIG difference between treats for 'everything' that they do well with, and treats for getting good reports/grades/marks/whatever.

MarsLady Tue 28-Jun-05 22:03:19

Every year after report time I buy my children a hardback book. In it I write that I am so proud that they have worked hard this year and tried their best. I was accused, by one mum, of bribing them. Personally I think that I am rewarding them for their effort, not the result. I can't know that they have tried their best until I read the report.

Give her the treat. Tell her that you are proud of her. After all, lots of people at work get bonuses if their appraisals are good.

Well done to your DD.

nailpolish Tue 28-Jun-05 22:06:33

you said you are going to give her a treat for 'getting through her 1st year', but you make specific points like she has worked very hard to fit in and make friends - they are happy with her etc, i think on those points she really deserves a treat - tell her she should be proud of herself, and she will be delighted! go for it!

well done dd1!

sobernow Tue 28-Jun-05 22:07:11

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Tanzie Tue 28-Jun-05 22:07:58

He is hardnosed slave driver (are we married to the same man?). Think Marslady's idea of a special book is a lovely one.

spod Tue 28-Jun-05 22:08:19

Message deleted

motherinferior Tue 28-Jun-05 22:08:42

Oh, give her a treat, the little love. My parents quite explicitly never linked treats/rewards to academic success, and I cannot say they have terrifically good parenting skills. I think she's made a huge effort, she's really worked at being in a group, which is difficult, and I reckon a trip out would be well in order. Cinema, perchance?

motherinferior Tue 28-Jun-05 22:09:42

And you're not being mollycoddling and wet, you're being a proud and adoring mother.

Angeliz Tue 28-Jun-05 22:10:17

I think she can still work hard because she wants to and be praised for it. I don't see why you have to have one or the other.

Treat her, from what she said at bedtime it would be cruel not to now.

nutcracker Tue 28-Jun-05 22:12:23

I usually get my ids sweets or something after their report/parents evening, but I love Mars's idea so will be doing that instead now.

MarsLady Tue 28-Jun-05 22:13:04

aw thank you girlies

MrsGordonRamsay Tue 28-Jun-05 22:14:05

Never met your DH and I don't like him ]

She is only a Baba, I could cry at his attitude, FFS does she need to get a 1:1 at Oxford at 12 to impress him ???

No positve parenting from him then........



MarsLady Tue 28-Jun-05 22:14:46

LGJ, you really need to say what you mean!


emmatmg Tue 28-Jun-05 22:15:02

We treat the Ds's for good reports etc from school.

Ds1 got a merit certificate for good sportsmanship in sports day the other day and I bought him a treat, it's agood away to encourage them.

sobernow Tue 28-Jun-05 22:16:05

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

QueenOfQuotes Tue 28-Jun-05 22:16:37

just asked my DH what he thinks - and he says "Treat" too

MrsGordonRamsay Tue 28-Jun-05 22:17:04

But she is only a baby.

Hope, I didn't overstep the mark..........

BTW, will be doing your book thing Mars, you clever lady.

nailpolish Tue 28-Jun-05 22:18:09

my mum gave me secret treats for good grades at school because my dad said "so you bloody should have" when i told him i passed exams

MarsLady Tue 28-Jun-05 22:19:00

Just call me Mrs Wonderful. lol

sobernow Tue 28-Jun-05 22:19:31

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

gigglinggoblin Tue 28-Jun-05 22:20:27

what about printing off a 'best little girl in the world' certificate or something so she can pin it to her wall and then she has a constant reminder of how proud you are? ds1 really responds to stuff like that. and give her a lovely treat too of course.

homemama Tue 28-Jun-05 22:20:40

I was just asking my DH the same thing. He said treat too!
The book sounds a lovely idea and something she will cherish for a lifetime. I'd let her choose something cheap and cheerful too though as she's now expecting a treat and perhaps a hardback book, beautiful as it is, would not be a 5yr old's idea of exciting.

MrsGordonRamsay Tue 28-Jun-05 22:20:46

Mrs Wonderful. lol

SueW Tue 28-Jun-05 22:22:07

We don't treat for good reports or dance exam success or anything similar. Lots of praise and well dones and postive stuff around how well DD has done, but not treats.

When she had an op, lots of people asked me what I was going to buy her as a reward. It had never even crossed my mind to buy her anything.

However, if I had ever told DD that she'd get a reward for doing something then of course I would follow it through.

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