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geting changed at school

(29 Posts)
Angeliz Mon 19-Oct-09 08:53:16

Hi all.
My eldest dd (8) is just getting to the point at home where she'll get her own sopace to change. She doesn't mind me at all but will shy away a bit from dp.
At school she told me that on one of her p.e days they all change together in the class (boys, girls and male teacher present) and that the girls crouch down behing the chairs.
I spoke to the teacher and they moved the girls to an art area of another class but dd informs me they now are having to change with the year 3's and the boys from that class.
Now i know she's little and there's nothing to see but this is about her feelings and modesty so dp is going to e-mail the head today.
Where do your 8-9 year olds change in school?
(School HAS a changing room but is being used by the senior school that morning!

risingstar Mon 19-Oct-09 08:56:58

when my dds were this age, 2 classes did pe together, so boys changed in 1 class room and girls in another.

Angeliz Mon 19-Oct-09 09:05:14

that would be fine, just seems at the moment thye are not given any privacy.

Angeliz Mon 19-Oct-09 09:17:44

no more takers?

BonjourIvresse Mon 19-Oct-09 09:32:05

I don't think this is acceptable any more when girls can start puberty at 8. The school needs to make other arrangements, I'd voice you concerns again iwth the class teacher and take it to the head if necessary. Do any other parents feel the same?

Angeliz Mon 19-Oct-09 09:34:40

Yes, at least 3 of us asked at the start of the year (3 parents of girls getting a bit aware of their bodies) and were told they always use changing rooms.
I only found out otherwise from dd.
Going to e-mail the head as we spoke to class teacher but tbh, it's not his call anymore.
Glad you agree.

sassy Mon 19-Oct-09 09:37:43

Think the advice for schools is that children can change in the same room until start of Y5 when there should be other arrangements.

While not ideal for your dd, you may find that the school has not got a suitable area available/sufficient supervision to split boys and girls at this age.

Angeliz Mon 19-Oct-09 09:40:10

mmmm, wondered what the 'guidelines' were. Read an interesting article actually where the majority of the children had requested seperate changing areas.
We'll say what the head says but she won't be made to change as she is for the next year, that's for sure.

luckyblackcat Mon 19-Oct-09 09:40:29

Why would an 8 yr old be so embarrassed about her body?

If your DD is so bothered, perhaps you should buy her a crop top/bra or make her wear a vest to cover herself.

Angeliz Mon 19-Oct-09 09:43:09

She is becoming more aware of her body.
A crop top or bra would not solve the issue of her putting it on in a class full of kids would it?

grumpyskater Mon 19-Oct-09 09:44:58

At my DD's school, girls in year 6 raised an objection themselves. The school put a curtain up that could be pulled around their cloakroom area for the girls to use for changing.

They were happy with that - it was abit squashed but private, and none else used it. The boys continued to change in the classroom. Cheap and easy solution, and respectful to their views.

Poledra Mon 19-Oct-09 09:46:18

Angeliz, I am not at this stage yet (oldest DD is 5) but I hardly think it is unreasonable to ask for separate changing areas at this point. If she is uncomfortable, then the school needs to respect that. When Iwas at school two classes did PE at the same time and the boys changed in one classroom and the girls in another (as someone else described further down).

Angeliz Mon 19-Oct-09 09:47:27

Glad most agree, i personally think it's totally natural for her to want some privacy about now too.

Madsometimes Mon 19-Oct-09 09:48:23

We have this problem with dd1's class. She is in Y5, and has said that girls who are developed crouch down under the table to get dressed. There are quite a few girls in dd1's class who need to wear a bra. Dd1 is not one of those, so I feel like I am not the right parent to complain about this, and yet I am tempted to at parent's evening this week.

Dd1 has got to the point where she is terrified of starting to develop. Most primary schools are not geared up for this. Our school does not have a changing room, and would not have the room or money to build one.

luckyblackcat Mon 19-Oct-09 09:51:58

Well, unless she is getting changed for swimming surely she would put it on in the morning when she is getting dressed and it would remain to cover her modesty, as will her pants, whilst she changes into her PE shorts and she wouldn't be putting it on in front of a class full of children.

I have just bought my 10 yr old DD some crop tops - not for modesty but because she is starting to develop breasts. She didn't ask and isn't bothered particularly, but I suggested it.

We, perhaps, have a slightly more relaxed attitude to our bodies than many families then - I will count myself in a minority.

luckyblackcat Mon 19-Oct-09 09:52:51

Quite a big difference between yr 3 and 5 though.

Angeliz Mon 19-Oct-09 10:00:08

My dd is in year 4. We talk openly, she knows all about puberty and periods, she's just a bit of a shy girl.
Kids are all different, it doesn't matter how we raise them when they have a mind of their own to feel shy, modest, or whatever the case may be.
You're right actually she would keep the crop top on, didn't think of that! Still think she should have a private area though as that's what she'd want.

luckyblackcat Mon 19-Oct-09 10:10:23

Sorry, I presumed Yr 3 as she was 8 - my DD 10 in Yr 5 as early birthday.

M&S have some good tops, a 2 pack one pink and one white with hearts on the bottom - obviously not bra like but more grown up than a vest, very soft and seam free.

I am an old fashioned fuddyduddy and hate to see DC in mini adult bras and knickers, luckily my DD doesn't see anything wrong with grannypants, but many girls in her class wear much smalller ones (according to DD). I guess she will cave in to peer pressure eventually.

Good luck with your solution smile

Angeliz Mon 19-Oct-09 10:12:22

I'll let you know.

DD is in the hugest granny pants too. She 'went off' vests last year but i'll get her some inbetweeners. Good ideasmile

Disenchanted3 Mon 19-Oct-09 10:17:52

I don't think its got anything to do with being 'relaxed about your body' as a family.

But everything to do as a young lady being made to undress and dress in front of a group of boys, not nessecarily and ything to do with the beginnings of sexuality but more to do with the beginnings of awarness of differences and their own bdies changing?

I remember hiding behind my chair and feeling ever so embarresed, I had nothing to show - had no boobs at all till I was 20!! But its just the feeling of vunrability IMO!

An 8 year old has a right to feel secure in school.

Elk Mon 19-Oct-09 10:36:31

In dd's school they change together up to juniors. In year 3 onwards the boys change in the cloakroom and the girls in their classroom. The headteacher is male and supervises the boys and the class teachers are female and supervise the girls.

Angeliz Mon 19-Oct-09 10:40:31

Have to admit, one of my concerns too was not that her male teacher was a threat but that she shouldn't ever feel that's o.k for adults to dictate where she has to undress. Telling them they HAVE to undress infront of a man sends out the wrong message, especially when at home we respect her views.
It's NOT just about the male teacher though before i get lynched, it's about dd telling me on her own this morning that she was still uncomfortable.

Angeliz Mon 19-Oct-09 13:23:06

Just an update.
Got an e-mail from the head saying that it is common for junior children to chnage in the classroom and use the changing rooms when they are available. He says that having looked into it, Dd isn't getting any privacy in the art area of year 3 classroom and they will therefore let the year four girls change in a smaller room in total privacy.

Can't ask for more than that, nice response.

Poledra Mon 19-Oct-09 14:57:41

Good result Angeliz - I hope your DD will feel happier about it.

Disenchanted3 Mon 19-Oct-09 17:05:43

Great, sounds like a decent head.

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