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Those that fund three children through private school how do you do it?

(41 Posts)
iwantitnow Fri 16-Oct-09 21:25:35

Trying to decide whether to go for baby no.3. We are planning to send educate our current two children privately with me going back to work to fund it but not have to have a high pressured job I did pre-children. Would love a third, we would probably just about make it to fund three but it would be a struggle and I would have to work flat out. I'm nearly 40 so can't wait and see.

If you fund three how do you manage it - city jobs, do you both work full time, grandparents?

sylar Fri 16-Oct-09 21:38:23

Can't imagine being able to fund three. We fund one plus one in nursery and in a couple of years will be funding two. It will cost hundreds of thousands of pounds over the years just in fees, then there are all the extras and the fact that if youve gone back to work to fund it you then have childcare costs during the ridiculously long holidays.

We are both lawyers in well paid jobs and we know it won't be easy.

sylar Fri 16-Oct-09 21:39:10

In fact part of the reason we're not going for three is the fact that the school fees would be too much

RubysReturn Fri 16-Oct-09 21:49:56

Can you just privately educate the two brighter ones and let the third go state?grin

Only kidding, but am finding the leap from 2-3 very pricey, even without school fees.

TheIggorcist Fri 16-Oct-09 22:11:28

Sell your soul to the devil grin
Seriously though, not a good reason to have less children, surely? I imagine you would have things to offer your children other than a private education!

ministryofsleep Fri 16-Oct-09 22:29:08

my parents funded me and my 2 siblings through private education from age 4-16, we never ever had a holiday abroad as a family and my parents worked 6 days a week to fund it - I would rather have had my parents around when I was growing up than have had a private education and would never sacrifice this with my own children - just to give you a different slant on it

ministryofsleep Fri 16-Oct-09 22:29:10

my parents funded me and my 2 siblings through private education from age 4-16, we never ever had a holiday abroad as a family and my parents worked 6 days a week to fund it - I would rather have had my parents around when I was growing up than have had a private education and would never sacrifice this with my own children - just to give you a different slant on it

RubysReturn Fri 16-Oct-09 22:33:57

Being serious, we have opted for state and supplementing where we feel it is most appropriate. I think financial pressure can be quite destructive on a family. Some you cannot help, but some you can chose.

I think it would be a shame not to have a child you would like for this reason

LadyMuck Fri 16-Oct-09 22:39:26

I'm tending to find that those with 3 are doing private at primary in order to get them into grammars but the children are used to doing extras so keep up with the wider curriculum at secondary.

violethill Sat 17-Oct-09 09:12:26

Personally I feel you're over-thinking this by a mile.

How do you know whether a baby who hasn't even been conceived yet is going to be suited to a particular school?!

Also, schools change a lot in relatively short periods of time, so you can't make a valid judgement right now.

I agree with those who say there is far more you can offer your children than paying for their schooling. If this one factor is driving your decision about how big your family will be, then personally I think you've got it out of perspective. And what if you got pg with twins anyway?! Life has a habit of changing the best laid plans.

If you have decided already that you must educate your children privately, then maybe nothing will shift you, but I'm curious to know how people make such hard and fast decisions for children not yet born.

I think if it's causing you this much worry, stick with two kids. Financial hardship long term is destructive, as RubysReturn said. A bit of scrimping doesn't hurt anyone - but serious worry over whether you can pay school fees will be grindingly negative for you all.

thirtysomething Sat 17-Oct-09 09:28:29

Agree it's an odd calculation to be doing pre-conception! We have two DCs - one has just started a selective private secondary, having been state schooled up to 11, and the other is younger but unlikely to go private, simply because the choices available where we live are not suited to her academic level or general temperament, so she will no doubt go to a state secondary. My point being that it's impossible to predict what kind of school they'll need anyway....a friend once said you never regret the children you have, only the ones you DON'T have. We left it too late for a third baby as we procrastinated too long and now I do often have pangs of regret about not having gone for it.....

Northernlurker Sat 17-Oct-09 09:57:30

I don't think it's odd to work this out pre-conception. Plenty of people look at the size of their car/food bill/house before conceiving.

OP - are you planning to use private schools for primary as well? Is that an area where you could use the state schools and use a tutor if examinations are necessary pre secondary?

Fivesetsofschoolfees Sat 17-Oct-09 14:45:09

As my name suggests, we are paying for five children in private schools.

We do have scholarships and sibling discounts which is a blessing.

We both work full-time and have a fairly frugal lifestyle. Our house is modest, as are our holidays. Our cars are 5 and 10 years old and we have no plans to replace them anytime soon.

My eldest is in U6, about to submit his UCAS form. He is undecided as to whether to take a gap year or not. We are secretly praying that he does so that we can have a bit of break for a year.

Overall, paying for education is one of the things we do as a family. We value education and do our best to get the best for our kids (I recognise that our best is different from other people's bests, but we all do what we can). DH and I both got to where we are by family support for good education, beyond their means and family history, so it is natural for us to pass this on.

We didn't plan for private education when having our children. We only got into the system after all five were born, and they have all had some years of state education. The contrast is breath-taking, however.

Fivesetsofschoolfees Sat 17-Oct-09 14:48:43

I don't think it is odd to think how you can afford children before conceiving them. If only everyone had these thoughts, we would have so many people relying on someone else to pay benefits.

As I said before, we weren't private school consumers before having our children but we certainly knew that we could afford them by ourselves. It's called budgeting.

qumquat Sat 17-Oct-09 17:22:04

I echo ministryofsleep

stuffitllllama Sat 17-Oct-09 17:25:27

we have saved and scrimped and saved and scrimped hwile living abroad and gone without for years and there will be years to come and we still might not if we can't afford it

we want a lot of it in the bank before they start so we know they won't have to change schools again -- they aren't even there yet

it will be secondary and one is starting late so that saves a bit

pagwatch Sat 17-Oct-09 17:32:06

We can do it because we can afford it.Its not an issue.

It was a struggle when DS1 was small but not a problem now.
But FWIW I would always look at all the options and balance school/finaces/sacrific etc etc before pushing myself to the max.
There are many option and the private school as some kind of holy grail seems really odd to me.
I want my children to have a great childhood. Education is only part ofthat. An important part but a part nonetheless.
And I would never sacrifice everything else - especially if I hadn't yet explored other options such as persuing good state schools.

And it is always odd to me that people see private as being right for all children. Private is not necessarily going to be the best option in a whole host of situations - none of which will be apparent until you have a particular child standing in front of you - and until you have looked at particular school.

The best school is always the best one for that particular child and if the schools that met my childrens needs were state school I would use them in a heartbeat. Why wouldn't I?

But that is probably easy for me to say.

duchesse Sat 17-Oct-09 17:51:20

We fund them through a messy combination of grandparents, dividends on savings, my earnings, and having no mortgage. GM pays for one, savings + my income pay for the other two. We hardly ever go on holiday, keep our cars until they die and do not go out much. We are not poor by any stretch, and are lucky to live in a relatively low fee area, but can be a bit of a worry nonetheless on one low salary and one medium sized one.

stuffitllllama Sat 17-Oct-09 17:52:08

There is so much you can do with your children which doesn't cost money, so I think the sacrifices are largely parental in our case.

Of course that is with me staying at home -- I don't know about working full time to afford it and not being there at the end of school and so on. Not to criticise working mums though (I've been one). Everyone (nearly everyone) does what's best for their family.

pagwatch Sat 17-Oct-09 17:56:43

grin at stuffit.
Did you stick enough disclaimers on there? Is there any scenario that you may have missed that could result in your(possibly) having offended anyone - not to suggest that they would be being overly sensitive at all..

grin
grin

stuffitllllama Sat 17-Oct-09 18:00:16

jeez i hate upsetting people

<orders balls on amazon>

pagwatch Sat 17-Oct-09 18:05:22

smile

No. Don't order balls. Its lovely!
You are now my role model.

pofacedandproud Sat 17-Oct-09 18:15:59

we are considering switching ds from state to private at moment. But worried as once you're in, the fees just go up and up, and then we'll have to pay for dd too in a few years. But I had experience of both state and private as a child and the difference was so huge. It is a worry. If we lived rurally with a small good village school I'd be much happier with the state option though. I do think you have to think of finances when having children, but only you know how much you want a 3rd child, and you might regret it if you don't.
<waves at pag and stuffitlllama>

ADragonIs4LifeNotJustHalloween Sat 17-Oct-09 18:18:09

Marry an actuary.

pagwatch Sat 17-Oct-09 18:22:20

<<pag waves back at pofaced>>

<<stuffit still looking for scrotum on Amazon.com>>

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