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DS in YR8 does not want to do well @ school because friends are calling him geek

(13 Posts)
magicwand Mon 21-Sep-09 21:03:55

Help. what should I tell my ds? His friends are now making fun of him and calling him ' geek' because he's getting better marks then them. He's miserable.He says the popular boys are the ones who don't do homework, get told off, don't listen, etc

LadyGlencoraPalliser Mon 21-Sep-09 21:10:48

Tell him that in five years time the only thing his 'friends' will be saying to him is 'do you want fries with that?'
Tell him they are jealous and they're trying to pull him down to their level. They won't respect him if they succeed in doing it.
Ask him what's important, the temporary respect of a bunch of losers, or a lifetime of self-respect?
Tell him, that the cool kids of Yr 8 are rarely the cool kids of Yr 11 and NEVER the cool kids of sixth form.
He needs to have his eye on the long term.
Easily said I know, but there is no real answer apart from trying to support him and encourage him to have the confidence to refuse to be dragged down to the lowest common denominator.
Ultimately, tell him he's worth more than that.

magicwand Mon 21-Sep-09 21:13:52

thanks lady

LadyGlencoraPalliser Mon 21-Sep-09 21:18:14

Come and join us on this thread. We are all parents of Year 8s, sharing the joy!

GrendelsMum Mon 21-Sep-09 21:18:34

Like LadyGlencora says.

Rather random thought - does he like playing computer games, WoW or that kind of thing? Is there some kind of analogy you could use to make him see that they're trying to make him fail along with them? Like a competitor saying to him 'you don't need to have that weapon' so that they can grab it off him and use it themself? And like she says, they won't respect him if they manage to fool him into stopping working.

Or since these 'friends' sound pretty unpleasant, you and he could work out some retorts for him to use on them - like he could say to them 'when you're smart like me, it's easy to get good marks and spend plenty of time playing on the computer'. So long as he doesn't believe them too much himself?

dogonpoints Mon 21-Sep-09 21:38:24

This is what I'd do (and have done):

Tell him it'll work out better for him in teh long run because he'll have lots of choices about study and jobs and where to go.

Tell him it's ok to be a swotty geek and make light of it. Were you a bit of a swotty geek, magic?

Tell him to keep his head down in class, he doesn't need to offer to answer any questions if he doesn't want to and I've told my dd she can write down teh odd wrong answer if she wants. Yep.

Your ds is right. Those lazy cocky ones are the popular boys. But it doesn't matter if he's not like that because he's great too.

Tell him it does get better as he moves through high school and leaves any bammers behind.

LadyGlencoraPalliser Mon 21-Sep-09 22:35:22

Also, does his school set for some subjects. My DD has had a few problems with boys like your son's 'friends' and so have some of her friends. But as they have worked hard, they have been moved to high sets while the mouthy ones who don't work have dropped to lower sets.
So the harder he works, the more he will keep out of their way.

scaryteacher Tue 22-Sep-09 08:01:58

We had this in year 7 and 8; now seems to have stopped in Year 9.

Tell him that 'the geek shall inherit the earth' and that 'geeks rule the world' - after all Bill Gates is a geek, as is Steve Jobs and look at the influence of Microsoft and Apple (and the Gates/Job bank balances).

There is nothing wrong with being a geek (I think it stands for great, educated, erudite and klever!) or so I tell my son...yes, I do know how to spell clever, honest!

cory Tue 22-Sep-09 08:38:57

Point out to him that these friends are not the ones who will be around when he is in Sixth Form or when he goes to uni. He'll probably hardly remember what they looked like. The harder he works the more likely he is to end up in a place with people like him. If he drops his marks now, he might be stuck with these bullies for life.

Kez100 Wed 23-Sep-09 18:41:06

My son was once called a NERD and he agreed he was...

Not Even Remotely Dorky, he replied.

Teacher was so impressed she told me. I don't think he has had any problems since.

Interestingly, he isn't a high achiever (other than music). I think he was just picked on because he was different from those lads, but a confident quip back works.

boredofthehols Fri 25-Sep-09 19:52:01

dd went throught this last term - she'd been friendly with a new bunch of girls since the beginning of year 7 when one (there's always one who thinks they're SO cool) began calling her a geek as she works hard and gets excellent marks. This aprticular girl said that dd was damaging the groups image in front of boys!!) My advice to her at the time is pretty much what Lady GlencoraPalliser said in her post. However, I also advised her to start hanging around with a nicer bunch of friends, which she did (thank god!) and is so much happier as a result. I also pulled out some photos of myself and my friends from university - all gorgeous, succcessful and not a geek in sight grin

fireflytoo Sun 27-Sep-09 21:15:53

We have had situations like that....(at school) Talk to his teacher/s and ask if his grades/results etc could not be announced. I am sure they will understand. Years 8 & 9 are the worst years for pupils not wanting to seem geeky. By year 10 when they realise their futures might depend on them pulling their sock up, there is usually some improvement. Good luck. I hope he can stay motiviated.

Hmentor Mon 28-Sep-09 12:46:40

Are the classes streamed so that they are in groups of similar ability? Let your child know that you are proud of them and that in years to come they can chose what to do with good results.How ever it is all about fitting in in yrs 8/9 for the child so boost their self-esteem and say we are all unique and is is harder to be different but in the end it is those that don't follow the crowd now are the ones who lesd it in the future

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