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Anyone have 2 or more children in different schools ?

(23 Posts)
MillyMollyMoo Mon 14-Sep-09 10:52:22

We have 2 academic children and one who appears very bright but can't seem to get it out, maybe she's dyslexic but nobody has picked up on it and I think she may be just plain old lazy.
But if this is how it's going to be for senior school I'm thinking the one I have painstakingly choosen for PFB might not be right for middle DC, but then I worry I'm not treating them all equally and might be doing Dc an injustice.

Carrotfly Mon 14-Sep-09 10:59:15

I think you have to treat your children in their best interests.

I dont really think the 'do equally ' thing can really apply to education, as what is right for some is not always right for another.

Happiness is key.

MY two are at different schools, boys and girls ! so the aspect of which is the most academic is not really crucial in my case.

What I would say is that holidays, hours and all the letters, admin stuff can be a bit of a pain if they differ. But its manageable !

iamdisappointedinyou Mon 14-Sep-09 12:12:04

I have two DC who went to different senior schools. It wasn't until one joined the other's school (in sixthform) that I realised how much they had missed each other and having common ground - the same teachers to moan about, the same pupils to gossip about, even the same food to go 'bleugh' about.grin If your DC go to the same school then it will be a bond between them.

They always say that academic children will do well wherever they go. Perhaps you need a school that will get the best out of lazybones, knowing that they will also do well by your other DC.

MillyMollyMoo Mon 14-Sep-09 12:35:38

I think she must get the laziness from me, is it wrong to hope the school at the top of the road will do the job ?
Or worse case the one who's bus stops at the top of the road ?

Would you give lazy bones a kick up the arse if you knew it was all there she just can't be bothered (have no evidence of this just wondered) ?

iamdisappointedinyou Mon 14-Sep-09 12:48:38

I have spent 18 years giving DD (bright but insecure or lazy or unmotivted or something) a kick up the backside. You eventually realise that you are hitting your head against a brick wall: the motivation has to come from them, you can't do it for them.
sad

DD is a lovely girl and will probably come good in the end but she will never be an academic high-flier.

iamdisappointedinyou Mon 14-Sep-09 12:51:56

kick up backside ... head against brick wall ... ?

Apologies for mixed metaphors!blush

danthe4th Tue 15-Sep-09 18:17:44

What do the children think surely they will have a say in it, and what about the primary they will know the schools that they feed in to it may be worth asking their opinion. I'm fortunate in that the primary in the village feeds into a very good high school which caters for all children, splitting the children into sets in year 8 and having extra classes for the high flyers and also the strugglers. But also consider the practicalities of picking up children from different schools when they stay for clubs or matches.

BonsoirAnna Tue 15-Sep-09 18:20:22

If she is lazy she needs to go to a school that is sufficiently structured to make her work.

DSS2 can be a bit lazy, but he is actually a lot brighter than DSS1 (who is more motivated). DSS2 really needs a better school, whereas DSS1 is actually fine at the one they are currently at.

asdx2 Tue 15-Sep-09 18:52:39

At present I have three children in three different schools because the older two have now left school but at its peak I had five children in five schools which was a logistical nightmare and we had to rely on friends transporting one and using breakfast and after school clubs. However horses for courses so they say.

MillyMollyMoo Tue 15-Sep-09 21:08:37

Wow asdx2, I take my hat off to you.
BonsoirAnna, I do agree, we moved them into a private primary mainly because I thought DC1 needed extra stimulation but it's turned out DC2 (lazy bones) is benefiting the most.
The primary school would like us to continue into their senior school I'm sure, our overdraft is not quite as keen so I need to look around.

snorkie Tue 15-Sep-09 22:04:22

If she's lazy then a kick up the arse is well & good, but if she's dyslexic then that's possibly the worst thing to do. Has her school screened for dyslexia? If not, or if you don't trust them to have done it properly, why not pay for an evaluation of her by an ed psych? They would probably advise on what you should look for in secondary schools to best suit her too (regardless of diagnosis).

MillyMollyMoo Tue 15-Sep-09 22:20:17

My MIL used to be a special needs teacher and she feels there's a touch of dyslexia (is that possible ??) but then the school have never ever mentioned it and MIL is a complete hyperchondriac so I'm not sure what to think.
I have a while to plan all this, I do get ahead of myself sometimes.

Mamazon Tue 15-Sep-09 22:27:25

you are treating them equally by finding the best school for that child

There is a fantastic school locally that i would hope to get DD into when the time comes, but it would be totally wrong for DS.

he will hopefully stay in SN but if he was to have to return to MS then he will go to a school that is considered less academic and without the fabulous reputation because that will be the better option for him.

IYSWIM...i know im rambling a bit

snorkie Tue 15-Sep-09 22:44:53

yes, 'mild dyslexia' is possible and also doesn't always show up in the classic way if she's bright. Eg her reading might apparently be good with no problems, BUT it may well be that it takes a lot more mental effort for her to do it, so having spent all day with her brain working that much harder to keep up, she's spent by the evening and appears lazy in her reluctance to do the extra. That's how an ed psych explained it to me when dd was diagnosed.

risingstar Wed 16-Sep-09 09:01:17

agree with snorkie- i made the mistake of genuinely believing that the school would ick up dyslexia and that as they hadnt, dd2 was probably more average/easily distracted etc. i paid for ed psych at 11 which showed very very bright but with dyslexia, in particular a problem with tracking and very poor working memory. this meant that she was working really hard just to keep up. To be fair, i might have labelled her as lazy, which horrifies me now.

the down side to this is that it has meant private education for her, but luckily dd1 is doing fine at state school as we could barely afford it for one, let alone two!

ByTheSea Wed 16-Sep-09 09:10:50

I have 2 DSs at two different secondary schools and DD1 will be starting secondary school next year and wants to go to the girls' grammar, so if she gets in that will be three secondary schools. Oh well, each school is the best for that child.

MillyMollyMoo Wed 16-Sep-09 09:14:37

I've just moved to private school, will they pick up on it or do you need to ask for an assessment ? The teacher said at the begining of term DC2 is behind but at state school came in as level 2 on stats in year 2 ?
Socially might it be better to give them their own local friends too at each school ?

snorkie Wed 16-Sep-09 10:44:33

The school is unlikely to do more than basic dyslexia screening if that, though on the basis of results they might recommend a full ed. psych. assessment (which from what you've said is what I think you need). It's unlikely they would pay for it though & it's not cheap (~£300). If the school does recommend it they will probably suggest someone to do it, but you may like to have someone independent instead (less likely to be biased towards recommending their senior school for instance) - just be sure they are properly qualified and are able to diagnose dyslexia. If you know someone who has done this personal recommendation of an ed. psych is best, otherwise try the dyslexia institute.

Milliways Wed 16-Sep-09 16:35:33

My DD "failed" to get into the girls grammar and went to the local comp, which we were extremely happy with. However DS wanted to try for thr Boys Grammar and he got it, so he had to leave the house to catch his bus as DD was rolling out of bed as she could walk it.

My DB has 4 children and sent 1 to a private school as it catered better for his dyslexia.

As the others say, you do the best for each individual child, and that may well mean individual schools.

elvislives Wed 16-Sep-09 18:49:50

We had 4 children in 4 different schools. They went to 3 different secondary schools. We found when we started looking at schools for DC2 that the things we'd looked for (and liked) for DC1 wouldn't suit DC2 at all.

MillyMollyMoo Wed 16-Sep-09 21:53:33

I'm very lucky in that I have three very bright kids so I think with the right support one school may suit all, just a case of making sure lazy bones doesn't have a medical condition and is in fact a lazy bugger before I poke up the bum.
Thanks for the links and website, really helpful.

cat64 Wed 16-Sep-09 22:04:47

Message withdrawn

MillyMollyMoo Wed 16-Sep-09 22:18:34

I take your point cat but the right thing for any of them would not be the local comp, so we're looking at selective grammars, which they are all capable of or private school.
Private schools give sibling discounts which could be the difference between managing the fees or not, hence why I was pondering.

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