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I'm dreading telling the head of nursery that my daughters leaving the school.

(18 Posts)
mummyloveslucy Thu 02-Jul-09 10:05:31

Hi, my daughter is in the nursery department of a private school. I absoluitly love the school and she is really happy, but we just can't afford for her to stay. My Husband has lost one of his jobs because the company went bust.
She is going in to the reception class in September and will be there for 1 term then joining her new school in the January intake.
My daughter has a severe speech disorder and some other issues that are under investigation, so realistically the state school would probubly be more prepared to give her all the help she needs. The private school is very accademic.
The head of nursery has been fantastic in helping her and I really don't want to tell her. sad
I've decided to tell her before they break up, so I'm not worrying over the hollidays.
There have been a lot leaving from our year group recently, due to the cost.
I feel bad that she asked me last parents evening if she was staying and I said Yes, because I wasn't ready to tell her, I'd planned to tell her in September.
It's hard as it's not really what I want.
Do you think she'll understand?

GrinnyPig Thu 02-Jul-09 10:08:57

I don't think you should worry about it. You say you can't afford it because of the recession - you won't be the only one. Just thank her for all her help and say you're not overly happy about the decision, but it's necessary.

mummyloveslucy Thu 02-Jul-09 10:12:15

Thanks. smile

lal123 Thu 02-Jul-09 10:13:02

I don't really understand why you're worried? What do you think she's going to do? Do you think she's going to be hurt or take it personally? This means a great deal more to you than it will do to her

mummyloveslucy Thu 02-Jul-09 10:15:56

She once said to a friend of mine, that it's always hisheartening when you've put so much in to a child and they move to annother school. She said it's like all that hard work is going to another school.
(probubly hav'nt explained very well, but you know what I mean).

AramintaCane Thu 02-Jul-09 10:19:45

Weirdly I was once in exactly that situation including the speech. In the end I told them as soon as possible. It was one of the hardest things i have ever done. I did walk around for a while feeling that they were dissapointed in me. However, they we grateful to know the situation ASAP so they can fill the space later and i knew i had done the right thing. It will be harder to tell them later. BTW the state school has been better for my DD. I hope it will be the same for yours.

lal123 Thu 02-Jul-09 10:20:26

well tough! This is about the needs of your family - not about the needs of the school.

edam Thu 02-Jul-09 10:21:54

Hope dd does VERY well at her new school. I can understand why you feel bad, but you can't keep your daughter at the school just to spare the nursery teacher's feelings!

mummyloveslucy Thu 02-Jul-09 10:26:05

True. It's not as if we could scrape the fees together but chose to spend it on other things.
If our circumstances improve, she can go back. Maybe for secondary.
I need to start doing the Lottery. grin

bellabina Thu 02-Jul-09 12:52:55

I cannot beleive that you would think that they would be upset about your child leaving.

I am sure this teacher has made you and your daughter feel special, but that is part of their job.

Most of the teachers would not have their own children at their school if they did not
get discounts. Ask if you can have a bursary, the answer to that will show how important your child is to them.

My two only know private education, but it is not perfect. At the end of the day children equal money to these schools.

Bottom line, its business.

AMumInScotland Thu 02-Jul-09 13:14:38

I think it's very unfair of her to say it's "dis-heartening" to put the effort in and then have the child go to another school. Her priority ought to be the child, not the school. She's done her job well, and helped your child, and that's lovely. But if she only did that for the sake of the school and not the sake of the child, then I think that's a terrible attitude.

You don't owe her anything - you've been paying the fees while she's been there, and I'm sure you've thanked her for her help when she's done extra things for your daughter.

Also, on a practical note, you need to tell them before school goes back in September, because you normally have to give them a full term's notice when you're leaving. It's better to do that before they break for the summer, so they can't say it wasn't a full term's notice, which they might if you do it even on the first day of the new term.

So, just thank her for all her help, and explain that you're going to have to switch to the state school from January because of the finances.

Of course she'll understand - lots of families have to make these choices.

whereeverIlaymyhat Thu 02-Jul-09 13:21:50

I'm sure on an individual basis the teacher will be sad and upset, nursery and reception teachers are always big softies that's what makes them so good, so to dismiss it as a just business I feel is a little harsh.
However she'll get over it, as will you and no doubt the least affected of all will be your DD who'll trot off happily where ever you send her.

LIZS Thu 02-Jul-09 16:09:58

You don't directly - you write a letter of withdrawal to the overall head and hand it in at the office on last day of this term or day before next starts . She doesn't have to understand but is naive if she doesn't. Sorry to be harsh but there will other little girls to focus her attention upon soon enough, they can and do come and go, so she'll get over it !

mummyloveslucy Thu 02-Jul-09 19:33:14

I've told her. I saw her today and explained the situation. I think she was disapointed for us and our daughter more than herself.
She was very understanding.
I feel so much better now it's done. I wouldn't want to go through the summer holls dredding telling her.

acebaby Fri 03-Jul-09 13:22:13

mummyloveslucy - I'm glad it wasn't too bad telling the school about your dd. I am in the same situation with my DS1 (moving schools because we are moving house). I did feel bad, and I feel very emotional that he will be leaving next week. However, everyone has been lovely about it.

I think that some of the previous posters are being a bit hard on your dd's teacher. Many teachers care deeply about their jobs and about the children they teach, and are naturally sad to see them move on - particularly if they have devoted extra attention to a child. I think that the 'children = money' attitude does not normally permeate the classroom, even if it is the case in the bursar's office!

I hope your dd settles down well in her new school.

usernametaken Fri 03-Jul-09 15:00:31

I think you need to tell the private school ASAP. Most private schools like you to give a terms notice...and fees before you leave. You may find yourself having to pay for the Autumn term if you leave it too late.

LIZS Fri 03-Jul-09 17:45:57

Don't forget to put it in writing too.

Podrick Fri 03-Jul-09 17:52:51

I think you should move your focus to your child and your husband. Give notice and thank the teacher for her help. That is enough.

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