How to deal with bullying . What do you do? Tae kwondo?

[MaryMotherOfCheeses]

We had a discussion with friends this evening about the best way to prepare DS for any bullying which might happen at school.

DH and one friend (male) were adamant that DS should learn tae kwondo now to deal with any future bullying.

thankfully it's not something we've had to deal with yet but I realised I don't know what to do. I don't think fighting is the answer.

My mum always used to tell me to ignore them, they'll go away. It didn't work.

So, what do you advise to a child in terms of what to do?

[seeker]

I think the answer is to build self esteem and self confidence, and reinforce the attitude that violence is NEVER the answer.

And bullying is very often not physical - martial arts won't protect you from teasing, name calling and all the other subtle methods children have of being horrible to each other.

Teaching tae kwondon could just as easily produce a bully rather than a bully proofed child!

[piscesmoon]

I think it is a bit sad to assume that bullying might happen. I would agree that martial arts are not the answer, except that they can give self confidence. Building self confidence is the key. Don't tell him to ignore them. Go straight to staff; as a parent go into school immediately and get it nipped in the bud. Ask to see the schools anti bullying policy when you visit the school, before he goes-note the main points and make sure they stick to them.

[magentadreamer]

Learning a martial art can give confidence but as my DD's instructor always pointed out it's all about self defence and not about the ability to kick seven bales of poo out of someone. Dd's instructor used to give them self defence lessons on how to get away if someone grabbed you etc I always remember him saying that sometimes the best defence was to run.

Bullying as Seeker has said can take on many forms and building up self confidence to be able to just shrug your shoulders and walk away would be the best thing to do IMHO.

[MaureenMLove]

Do you think that he might be bullied then? I think, if you tell him that there is a possibility that he ^may get bullied, you will make him nervous and worry unnecessarily.

By all means let him join a club, if you think he's not confident enough and it will help, but don't big it up as the answer to potential bullies, which may never happen.

[seeker]

It's very important to remember that most children aren't bullies and don't get bullied.

[OurLadyOfPerpetualSupper]

Seems a bit odd to be discussing this in advance - do you have any reason to think he may be bullied?

It's a totally unknown quantity so there's no point speculating on it - far better to do your best to build his confidence, which may be subtly undermined if he picks up on any negative vibes about starting school.

By all means send him to martial arts as something fun and sociable to do.

[MaryMotherOfCheeses]

Thank you, this is all pretty much my approach too.

I completely agree that if he actually wanted to take it up, then why not, but I would never push him towards it with a hidden motive. DH's friend thought I should.

And I'm not actually suggesting I talk to DS now about a hypothetical situation. I was more thinking that if it ever arose, what would I do?

He's 8 btw.

[cory]

What worked for us what the fact that all the children were taught, from the very beginning of primary school, that they must contact a teacher if anyone (themselves or anyone else) is being hurt or frightened.

Frankly, taekwondo wouldn't change the fact that ds is a puny little thing with weak joints - and how would one stop the big boisterous boys from learning taekwondo too?

Besides, I would always be frightened of physical defence going wrong- what if you hurt someone more than you intended?

[trickerg]

Most (if not all) martial art instructors stress to children that the martial art MUST NOT be used in the playground. They make this agreement at their lessons.