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When I think about ds having to start school next year I feel like crying

(18 Posts)
emkana Wed 03-Jun-09 22:18:34

He is just still so little in every way. He is three in two weeks but behaves, talks, clings to me like a very clingy just two year old.

But all the people involved tell me his problems are not big enough to justify a statement, therefore he will have to start school next year.

I'll just have to cross my fingers very tighly that he makes lots and lots of progress in the next 12 months!

ellingwoman Wed 03-Jun-09 22:23:55

You know that legally he doesn't HAVE to start school until the term after he's five, so that would be Sept 2011. OK, it will be yr1 and not Reception but don't get sucked into thinking he has to start school in Sept 2010. Also lots of schools have a Jan intake for summer borns so that would be Jan 2011. Just don't fret - and don't feel pressured!

MerlinsBeard Wed 03-Jun-09 22:26:47

OMG hasn't time FLOWN by!!

Even if he doesn't need an official statement you may still be able to ask that he has additional help at school. DS2 isn't statemented and not likely to be but he will have additional help (nothing DX'd as yet but he has "needs")

thisisyesterday Wed 03-Jun-09 22:26:55

awww emkana, a year is a long time!
they change so much, i look back on ds1 at that age and he was soooooo incredibly different to now (he is due to start school this sept)

of course I still think he is far too young, would much prefer if they started at about 6, but that's a whole other thread,. and it's totally natural to feel that way about your child, even if they don't have other issues iyswim?

but take it as it comes. like ellingwoman says, he doesn't actually have to start until he is 5 and if you don't feel he is ready next september you don't have to send him

Overmydeadbody Wed 03-Jun-09 22:28:23

ellingwoman is right, if you are worrie djust keep him at home for a bit longer.

12 months is a long time though, they do make lots of progress!

Kayteee Wed 03-Jun-09 22:38:53


He doesn't legally HAVE to start school at all. School is not compulsory smile

If you want to Home Educate him until he is 18 you can! Not suggesting you do, just wanted to point out that, legally, you can keep your child out of school for as long as you like. If you really feel he is not ready you can postpone it for as long as you choose. hth

willowthewispa Wed 03-Jun-09 22:41:38

I really think just 4 is often too young for even the most confident, outgoing children.

OrangeFish Wed 03-Jun-09 22:44:44

Oh Emkana! Time flies, can't believe he will be starting school soon (C h a n d r a here).

I'm sure he will make a big progress over the next year, I remember DS changing so much from one year to the other, they seem to leave "toddlerhood" so suddenly, I remeber taking a look at DS at some point and being surprised at finding out the baby was gone.

Things should be Ok, but if in a years time you are not yet sure, keep him home for longer. Trust the solution will present itself

emkana Wed 03-Jun-09 23:23:02

Thanks for calming me down everyone.

Was at parents' evening for this year's intake today (selling uniform) and when they talked about some children finding it difficult to settle I found myself with tears in my eyes shock

smee Thu 04-Jun-09 11:47:18

emkana, stop stressing - I know we've all done it, but honestly it's a year away and everyone is right, they grow so much in a year, especially post three. + if when you get there he's not ready, well keep him away until he is. Meantime, enjoy the summer. A year is a very very long time..

AMumInScotland Thu 04-Jun-09 12:03:06

He may change a huge amount in that year - mostly they do, they really put their baby days behind them around 3 to 4.

But if he doesn't, then you don't have to do anything you don't think he's ready for. If he has problems and hasn't developed as far as usual in that year, there may be an option of him getting a statement at that stage - I imagine those working with him will be judging him as still 2 at the moment, when they look at him at 4 they'll see if he's ready for school at that point, or if they would support holding him back a year.

If not, you still have the option of not sending him till 5, or home educating, until you think school is the right place for him.

NationalFlight Thu 04-Jun-09 12:10:58

I felt the same, and fwiw I thought he was too little all through recep and took him out at easter.

He went back in october and was Ok. He can cope, now, without me - I mean he is really good at coping, he does everything for himself, reception he would forget to have his lunch, not drink all day, it was pitiful. I hated the way they said 'Oh he'll adapt' when all around the other kids were exactly the same.

I felt really sorry for them and guilty, hugely guilty at abandoning him though he was happy-ish. He was incredibly tired too and would come home in a state every day just from sheer exhaustion.

Go with your instinct.
Either try it and see or just defer for a year, or HE...don't listen to anyone else.

NationalFlight Thu 04-Jun-09 12:13:15

I mean abandoning a near-baby to cope alone all day - the teachers cared, of course, but were under enormous pressure and just couldn't treat 30 odd kids as toddlers, which was almost what they were iyswim. They need to be supported with everything at that age - dressing, eating, playing - there were simply not enough grown ups and they muddled through mostly but it was far from ideal.

I wish I hadn't tried so hard to please everyone now by sending him when I knew he was too little.

Lizzylou Thu 04-Jun-09 12:16:21

DS1 changed immeasurably between the ages of 3 and 4. At 3 I couldn't begin to imagine him at school, by age 4 he was far more confident and grown up.
I still cried at the New Parents pre-start of term evening, and on his first day and then when he got an attainment certificate....

Fret not smile

annoyingdevil Thu 04-Jun-09 12:52:10

My DS is three in July and I feel exactly the same. DD was streets ahead in terms of muturity at the same age. DS is going through a very clingy stage and doesn't even seem ready for nursery - never mind school.

MollieO Thu 04-Jun-09 14:19:51

emkana no idea what health problems your ds has but it sounds as if he is almost exactly a year younger than mine. My ds started school last Sept and I made sure that the school were aware of his health problems. At your ds's age I couldn't imagine him starting but by the time he was 4 he was more than ready.

carocaro Thu 04-Jun-09 14:59:54

do they staggar them in? At our school they do half a day for two weeks to begin with. The school should also work with you whne he settles in, many kids in my DS1 class only did three days a week until Christmas. You should also give the school and teachers time to get to know him and vice versa, they can't tell how to help a child in 5 minutes.

Please please don't worry about it, you are just going to have to wait and see, it is very hard, but be patient.

LIZS Tue 09-Jun-09 12:15:50

aww bless him , can't believe it is almost 3 years already.

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