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Not sure who should be mortally offended here...

(67 Posts)
bologna Mon 28-Mar-05 13:00:06

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bonym Mon 28-Mar-05 13:06:32

Oh poor you - I understand exactly how you feel, how awful. I agree though that it was unfair of them to shout at you in front of the children. Obviously you wouldn't have ignored the telephone if you had heard it - we often don't hear our phone depending on where we are in the house and I have missed the answerphone flashing on a number of occasions. This could have happened to any of us and you mustn't beat yourself up about it. The main thing is that your ds was ok - I'm sure the parents will be fine once they've read your letter and had a chance to calm down. {{{{hugs}}}}

MunchedTooManyMarsLady Mon 28-Mar-05 13:09:39

poor you. I think that bonym is right. Once they (well the dad) have calmed down they will see that it wasn't anyone's fault. I do think that he was out of order to shout at you in front of the kids, but it shows him up more than you. I'm glad that your ds was ok. I think that things will settle. hugs to you

bologna Mon 28-Mar-05 13:20:06

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moondog Mon 28-Mar-05 13:20:29

What a t**t!!! How rude and thoughtless, in front of the children as well.
Dealing with uneasy children on a sleepover is par for the course..what we do for each other as parents.

I once had similar..nursery phoning me to tell me that dd was ill, and I never got the message. I felt dreadful when I sauntered in at 5:30 to get her.
They weren't stupid or insensitive enough to have a go at me though.

MunchedTooManyMarsLady Mon 28-Mar-05 13:24:08

You'll manage honey because it was a simple mistake on your part not a deliberate action. The only one who should feel bad is the father. Kids are pretty resilient and as long as the other child's parents aren't petty I think that it should all resolve itself.

Caligula Mon 28-Mar-05 13:24:09

They're loons.

Sorry, but if it were me, I might be annoyed about it, but the fact that the child had stayed the night and there was no problem, would have calmed me down by morning time.

And am I terribly conservative, but I ALWAYS presume that there is a reason behind things like this - I don't just assume that people are irresponsible loons who go missing, I presume that there is some kind of reasonable explanation, and wait to hear it. I don't just wade in and start yelling at someone.

They've put themselves in the wrong by yelling at you. Some people behave as if life is an episode of Eastenders. Oh dear, your poor DS.

Whizzz Mon 28-Mar-05 13:25:34

No agree, yelling is a bit harsh & unfair on you. Obviously you wouldn't have ignored the phone if you'd heard it - I'm sure they will calm down when they have thought it through a bit more. It would be sad if it affected your DSs friendship though. The main thing was your DS was OK in the end, I think they should accept your letter & accept that sometimes these things happen.

bologna Mon 28-Mar-05 13:27:36

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JanH Mon 28-Mar-05 13:30:21

He was completely wrong, bologna.

How was the mother with you, after the stupid father had stormed out? Did she seem as if she felt the same as him, or as if she thought he was over-reacting? I hope she will understand your position and sort him out.

Caligula Mon 28-Mar-05 13:32:55

No, there's no fault on the line, don't bother with BT, if she could leave a message it's OK. I'm always missing phone calls, I never know if it's because I'm deaf or because the phone just doesn't ring. Don't worry any more about it - you've done all you could do, sending a letter is more than many people would. Stop beating yourself up about it, it was a genuine mistake!

(I've also had the leaving DD at nursery scenario, even though I have a mobile, work and home number and am always there - I just wasn't listening to any of the three phones at the time when the nursery called - these things happen!)

bologna Mon 28-Mar-05 13:34:50

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Rarrie Mon 28-Mar-05 13:44:35

I'd say if things were that bad, why didn't they send one parent round and see if you were in or not? And then leave a message through the door, saking you to contact them urgently? If there really was only one message left on your answerphone, sounds like they didn't try that hard!

JanH Mon 28-Mar-05 13:46:04

Ohhhh, dear, what a rotten situation all round Are you thinking the other boy will have a go at your DS at school because of the whole scene? Has DS said anything about it?

(I haven't seen DH so I don't know what Bree is like! But I suspect she will have been mortified, but not known what to say or do to improve the situation - twittering on as if you weren't crying would have been trying to make it not be happening?)

Could you ring up - at a time when the father won't be there - and invite their DS round, later this week when things have calmed down?

Freckle Mon 28-Mar-05 13:49:57

What a pr*ck! Honestly, if he were going to let his wife do the talking, he should have done just that and not said anything at all.

It's all too easy for something like that to happen. Our phone has sometimes cut to the ansaphone too early so that we have been unaware that someone has called until we check our messages - even though we've been in all the time. Either that or someone was on the line.

Surely, if they called more than once, they would have left more than one message.

Can you check your phone to see how many calls they made? Our phone lets you see the last 20 incoming calls. It may be that they actually only called the once, but he's decided to make you feel bad about it. Totally out of order to lose it in front of the children. How old are they?

bologna Mon 28-Mar-05 13:50:17

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WideWebWitch Mon 28-Mar-05 13:53:03

They're weird people sweetie, they really are. As Caligula says, loons. It's not as if they rang your phone continuously from 6-11pm and couldn't get through is it? They called, left one message and you didn't see it until too late. I agree about 'it's what we do for each other as parents' - if I had a child on a sleepover and he was upset I'd make such a huge effort to settle him if he needed it. And I'd assume there was an explanation other than the parents couldn't care less. I'd probably mutter a bit about it tbh, along the lines of 'well what if it WAS an emergency?' but when given an explanation in the morning I'd accept it as one of those things, no harm done. An outburst like that in front of the children was awful, childish and inappropriate. If you WERE out when they called (you don't have other children if you're who I think you are!) I don't see the big deal, if your ds wasn't with you in fact, surely you SHOULD have gone out (leaving a mobile no)? She sounds a complete weirdo, twittering while you cried, I just couldn't do that, I'd be hugging someone, trying to make them feel better, sorting it out. I'd avoid these people in future if you can because they're WEIRD!

WideWebWitch Mon 28-Mar-05 13:56:43

Fuck it, your ds will meet other friends at the new school, ones with normal parents. Be chilly and aloof since their behaviour was unacceptable, not yours. I looked at our answering machine the other day and realised I had 5 messages, some from a day ago, I just hadn't seen them. You can tell ds the truth, sort of, which is that you don't want to be friends with people who shout first and ask questions later but that if he still wants to be friends with this boy at school it's fine. I think that's fair enough although others may think that's taking a hard line.

Tinker Mon 28-Mar-05 14:05:15

I assume you don't live too far from each other? If they were really bothered, one of them could have driven round couldn't they?

bologna Mon 28-Mar-05 14:06:00

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bologna Mon 28-Mar-05 14:07:18

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Prufrock Mon 28-Mar-05 14:08:26

Oh no - and for these to be the one lot of pods you aren't getting away from! I think her twittering was probably because she felt bad about her dh's rudeness - can't you still see them for ds's sake, but avoid the dh - surely if they are typical of most pods he will be far too busy doing an important job to socialise with his sons friends mothers.

WideWebWitch Mon 28-Mar-05 14:10:59

Bologna, like I said, I would have muttered about it in their position, I admit that, but if there wasn't actually an emergency then no big deal really in the end and dp would have been the one to point that out to me 'Yes but come on, nothing DID happen did it? So there's no point in worrying about it.' He's the voice of reason in our house! Agree maybe you could invite their ds for tea in a couple of weeks time when everyone's calmed down. Maybe cutting them off is too hard line.

WideWebWitch Mon 28-Mar-05 14:11:40

But SO WHAT if you were out! You had no child with you! FFS! I agree you should have left a contact no if you had gone out.

bologna Mon 28-Mar-05 14:14:18

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