Help please with a 'challenging' 6 year old who will not do any work in school

[SmileyMylee]

DD2 is a gorgeous,lively, bright, friendly child. However she is also extremely stubborn and not good at listening in class. She basically refuses to do any work that she is given. She regularly has to miss playtime and golden time to complete work.

Because she won't do anything she is falling further and further behind. I have tried working with her after school, but it is an exhausting task. Nothing appears to motivate her to do anything. Getting her to write one sentence can take two hours of my time.

Incentives or punishments seem to make no impact. She doesn't care about losing pocket money, TV time or toys. Even when promised treats (e.g. a trip to the cinema), she still refuses or just messes around and wastes time.

I can't leave this to the teachers. There are thirty in the class and even if they spent their whole time on her I don't think she'd concentrate on things.

Any ideas - the longer this goes on the worse it is going to be.

[SmileyMylee]

Just in case anyone is still up and penning a reply, I'm just off to bed and will catch up with any posts tomorrow!

[childrenofthecornsilk]

Why isn't she doing the work? My ds did exactly that all through year 2. Turned out he was dyslexic with an extremely high IQ and was massively frustrated. I would push for an ed psych assessment.

[childrenofthecornsilk]

Not suggesting your dd has SN of course, but when chn behave like this there is often an underlying cause.

[wabbit]

i agree with Childrenofthecornsilk here... there may well be an underlying cause to your dd's distraction, don't forget that she's only 6 though and the classroom's a very un-natural place for some children.

I'd forget trying to get her to concentrate on 'work' at home and try to get her to concentrate on anything (other than tv of course)

let her watch you concentrate on knitting or sewing, without asking her to do her own. when you've made your little (i don't know... flower fairy... rabbit... bear...) she might want to do something herself

This time of year you can be doing leaf rubbings... making paper and pumpkin lanterns... painting...

Make bread with her... it's fantastic as it's so sensual (I don't mean sexy!)

I was partly home schooled... we didn't have formal lessons - I always thought i was a waste of space in the classroom but it was amazing how much i did learn during my first 3 years at school - I didn't get into reading books for myself until I was 10 when I was in hospital and my dad brought me a borrowers book... i read them all in succession after I got hooked!

I think it would be as shame if your dd were to be aware that she's not 'performing' to the standard you (and her teachers) want her to to reiterate... she's only 6

[SmileyMylee]

I'll speak to the teacher about an assessment, she only says that she ' doesn't want to do it', or prefers to chat to friends or draw a flower or somethings. She is very bright - I can tell by the questions she asks me, but doesn't seem interested in learning at school (or at least working on her writing or doing sums at school.)

I'll try the techniques of concentrating on something - I quite fancy some home baked bread today!

Re performing to the standard - you are quite right wabbit.I just worry that she'll fall so behind that she won't be able to catch up and then will lose her confidence. I was put in the lowest class at school because I couldn't read the blackboard or the flash cards and was too shy to tell the teachers. I spent most of my time at primary school colouring in. This was only picked up when I was about 12 when we did an IQ test and I was moved up two classes in one go.

I suppose because of this I'm a bit worked up about it - she is as you say only six, she really doesn't need this added pressure at the moment.

[hellywobs]

How long has this been going on? Is it just this academic year? Have you had a proper chat with her teacher about it - I mean without a 10 minute parent-evening time constraint?

[wabbit]

hope the breadmaking goes well - be prepared for flour everywhere!

[bigTillyMint]

I agree that you ought to check out what's causing it - my DS was very similar. Turned out he had a drippy teacher and he thought she was dead boring....

Luckily his teachers since have not been drippy or boring and he is starting to knuckle down!

[lazymumofteenagesons]

DS2 was like this in year 1, it turned out he was dyslexic but he also had a very high IQ. He used to answer all the maths questions with the same number cos he didn't have a clue how to do it! Writing was a PITA he was dyspraxic as well. So basically, school to him was a place where you went to socialise with your friends and build lego etc.

[Tomsk]

We've got this issue with dd2, who is 5 and in yr 1. The teacher tells us she stares at the ceiling for most of the lessons. However, we know that at home she will answer her sisters year 3 homework questions whilst playing. We mentioned this last Easter, when dd2 did dd1's SAT papers (!) and then again when she was doing dd1's division and multiplication homework! School said they couldn't do anything until she started to show them what she could do.

We sat down and had a talk with dd2, and told her that the teachers thought that she couldn't do the work as she wasn't doing it. Last week she came home with the Golden Award from the Head for hard work, and tonight at parents evening the teacher said she's been like a different child this past week.

[SmileyMylee]

Hellywobs - it's been going on for over a year now. Both teachers she has had in this time are very well respected in the school.

I help out in the class sometimes so I've had quite a few chats with the teacher but we could do with time with no distractions.

Wabbit - the bread was 'interesting'!

Tomsk - I'm going to have another word with her over half term to see if I can get to the bottom of this. When I speak to her she sometimes gets very upset and says I'm 'being mean to her'.

Thanks everyone for your help.