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How can I convince son to go to my choice of school

(9 Posts)
mum71 Thu 09-Oct-08 10:30:51

My son is 10 and has selective mutism. He is at a local state primary school and hasn't had much help but he is getting more confident.

We went to visit the secondary school he will be attending a few days ago. It wasn't what I expected, there are over 3,000 children there, 300 at each intake. The place is really rough and, listening to stories from the teachers and other parents, I don't think that he will last 5 minutes.

There is also a private school near where we live with a really good reputation and I think that they can help him (and I really wish he had gone there when we first moved to the area 5 years ago).

I'd like him to go to the private school but he says he wants to stay with children he knows. I pointed out that he was unlikely to be in the same class as them anyway but he won't change his mind.

He does have a small group of friends but he doesn't socialise with them outside of school as he doesn't like any of the activities that they do (football, cubs, etc).

How can I convince him that I know best?

compo Thu 09-Oct-08 10:34:02

I guess you have 2 options.The first is to tell him he has no choice, you have decided for him and he is going to the private school.
Optin 2 is to let him start the school he prefers and then give him the option of the private school if he changes his mind.
Has he been to look around the private school? Can you encourage someone already attending to have a chat with him about it?

scarletlilybug Thu 09-Oct-08 10:52:52

Would it be possible for him to have a taster day at your prefferred school? Sometimes the unknown can be quite scary. Failing that, could he at least have a good look around?

Ultimately, I don't think it is for your son to decide which school he should go to. At 11 he is too young to take responsibility for such a decision and understand all the implications, IMO. Having said that, I'm sure you want to avoid having a battle with him over this.

mumblechum Thu 09-Oct-08 10:53:55

have answered on your other thread.

mum71 Thu 09-Oct-08 11:26:56

Thank you all.

I've made an appointment to see the private school next week. Hopefully he will like it, at the moment he is adamant that he won't. I need to get him on board because he has to sit an entrance exam and he could just fail it on purpose!

OrmIrian Thu 09-Oct-08 11:28:57

I think that seeing it will help, if it's as good as you expect.

I wanted DS#1 to go to an different school to almost all of his friends. He hated the idea until he went to see the school and then he couldn't wait.

Hope it goes well.

smartiejake Thu 09-Oct-08 21:22:43

Let him look at the school and more importantly let him spend a day there (any decent independent would be able to organise this.)

My dd hated the open day at the independent school she attends but fell in love with the place after the taster day.

AbbeyA Thu 09-Oct-08 21:28:47

I should just tell him that you know best-lots of DCs start secondary without friends. Spending a day at the new school is a great idea.

sunnydelight Fri 10-Oct-08 02:44:08

I would definitely second the "let him spend the day there" approach if you can organise it, but ultimately there is too much at stake here for you to let him make the decision.

We put our son into the local high school here last year after moving to Oz. He had already been to two secondary schools in England. After just a few weeks we knew it had been a big mistake (long story) and took him for the open evening at a private school that had been recommended to us. I spent the evening wanting to slap his sulky face grin as he sloped around muttering that we couldn't make him change schools again. The school was lovely but he barely looked up from his feet, however two days later he came and asked when he was moving there as it was "obviously a much better school with great facilities and nice teachers"!! A year in he's thriving. We wouldn't even have made the open evening if I'd listened to him.

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