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Has anyone sent one child private and another state?

(27 Posts)
bogie Wed 03-Sep-08 15:09:12

If so what were your reasons? and do you regret it or think it was the best thing to do?

FluffyMummy123 Wed 03-Sep-08 15:11:36

Message withdrawn

larry5 Wed 03-Sep-08 16:57:05

My eldest ds went to a private school from the end of year 5. He did very well but would probably have done as well in any school. Ds 2 took the entrance exam but didn't get a place and went to a state school. Ds 2 is not as academically bright but he had the oportunity at school to do the lighting and sound for school plays and this is now his career. When dd came along 15 years later we made the decision that she would not go private as I don't think for her it would have been right.

Mind you we might have done better to have sent her privately (if we had been able to afford it) as she went to a C of E school where she was bullied off and on for 3 years and when she was 14 we moved from the London area to Somerset and she is a changed child and has done extremely well academically.

castlesintheair Wed 03-Sep-08 17:04:55

I didn't but my parents did. One brother and I were sent to public school and the other 3 went to the local comp. One sister did really well in state school (she would have done well anywhere), the other 2 are not academic. I think our parents thought the 2 brightest should have the expensive education, one would do well anywhere and other 2 were a lost cause. That is how it seemed anyway. Whatever the logic it caused a huge rift.

This is just my experience of course. I come from a really weird family. I am sure others have good reason.

cornsilk Wed 03-Sep-08 17:05:39

I am considering it.

SqueakyPop Wed 03-Sep-08 17:12:27

3 of mine are in private and 2 in state. Reason: we can't afford to send them all. The two in state will have to wait until the older ones are out of the system.

Lilymaid Wed 03-Sep-08 17:21:05

Yes - at secondary level. DS1 went to very academic independent day school on a bursary. DS2 went to local 11-16 comprehensive (currently rated as outstanding on OFSTED). But DS2 is now at independent sixth form college where he is performing better than expected. We could only afford to send one at a time. Both independent schools have been the right schools for the DSs and not remotely snobby or out of touch.

pagwatch Wed 03-Sep-08 17:23:55

Two of mine are private one is state.
State educated son has profound sn and his school best meets his needs. Other two schools suit my DCs as i prefer single sex schools and they are both within walking distance which helps logistics. And they are both fantastic schools.
Local state infant was option for DD but the school was harder to get to which swung it.

bogie Wed 03-Sep-08 17:38:46

Ok glad that there are people that are doing this as pil seem to think it is a baad idea. We are sending ds all the way through the school he is at atm (he is in the nursery at the min)
We are due to have dd next week and unless dp gets a good promotion I don't think we can afford to send her through aswell.
Our reasons for sending ds
1. He is a bright boy but very very hyperactive and has the attention span of a gnat. The class sizes at this school are about 10 pupils to a class of 2 teachers. We feel that if he goes to a state school he will be the naughty one, I was like this when I was younger and even though I got decent results at primary school I could have done so much better if I had less distraction and more adult attention, rather than being naughty to get attention from eveyone.
2. he is amazing at all sports his hand eye co-ordination is better than mine and the school he is at specializes in sports development including yearly skiing trips! He would love the fact that he has so much choice of which sports he does and I think it would help release some of his energy.
3. Our local state schoool are shite really really shite and we hope by the time dd is ready for school we will be living in the area we want to be where the state schools are very very good so she will have a good school aswell.

My mum agrees with us totally and said if she could go back in time I would have gone to private school.
pil seem to think that both children should go to the same school and that should be a state school.

Zazette Wed 03-Sep-08 17:41:55

My dp was educated privately. His sister went to a state school (girls' only at secondary). You can figure out their parents' reasoning... They are both quite clear that she got a better education than he did, and had a much happier time while getting it.

My parents considered doing the opposite (me private, bro state), but didn't - essentially they thought I was already a big enough swot, and didn't stand to gain much by going to a private school, because I would be swotting away wherever I was. And they were right!

Litchick Wed 03-Sep-08 17:48:11

Zazette - I know a fmaily like that but with different results.
DS went on to become award winning something or other and DD never stops talking about it...and she's 42!!!!

Zazette Wed 03-Sep-08 17:52:21

Just seen your most recent post - you could leave open the possibility that they both go to a good state school in due course.

Most other people on this thread have made different choices for their kids based on a positive assessment of what each child needs. You are talking about falling back on state education for your dd because you will have run out of cash for an option that you clearly rate more highly. How are you going to stop her feeling second best? Because while dp and his sister don't think that she lost out educationally, she does feel bitter that their parents thought her education was less worth investing in.

BodenGroupie Wed 03-Sep-08 17:55:38

DD1 - state primary, state grammar, now moving to local comp for health reasons. DD2 started at state primary, was bullied and struggled with big classes, moved to private prep, loved it, money ran out, now at comp and loves that too! Think it's more important that your kids understand and accept the reasoning than anyone else (like pils) and fortunately mine were of an age where it could be explained and I don't think it was an issue for either of them. Good luck.

dannyb Fri 05-Sep-08 22:58:42

We may well do this. My DS is at a state faith school and DD will follow him. I think that we're likely to get him into a good state secondary, preferably the local grammar, he's very bright and I am reasonably confident that with tutoring he should get in. There is not the same options for girls so I expect she'll go private at 11. We can afford to send both but will base it on their needs. If we could only send one of them privately then they'd both go state.

I am one of 4, 2 of us went state, 2 went private. The 2 who went state got deposits for flats, the 2 that went state didn't. Perhaps my parents felt guilty?

Pollyanna Fri 05-Sep-08 23:08:06

yes, my eldest 2 (9 and 7) are at indep school, and my third child (5) is at state. Her 2 younger siblings will follow her there.

For us the older 2 are in private as we moved to the area and there were no near/good primary school places available (and no places in the same school). We got a place in a good state school for dd2 and are happy for her to stay there. It is too early for me to know whether I will regret this, or whether they will resent me for it, but for years rec-2 at least I haven't seen anything to convince me that private education is better. We are lucky to have a good primary school though.

Pollyanna Fri 05-Sep-08 23:09:23

oh, our current intention is to send all of ours private at secondary level, but this depends on each child's needs and our finances at the time.

FourArms Sat 06-Sep-08 08:23:00

I went to a state boarding school (grammar), my sister went to a state school (overseas forces school so no alternative option apart from UK boarding) and my sister went to a private boarding school after being bullied in her local state school.

My parents would have been happy with state schools, but chose to move my sister to get her a better education and stop the bullying (was bullied due to working too hard angry). It really helped her as it turned out that she is also dyslexic and dyspraxic so they got her the additional support required, and she could partake in all the extra-curricular things that suited her well (music, choir, sport...).

I don't resent my lack of private education. I did well where I went. But I probably would have done anywhere, and may have done better at a private school? Who knows?

The DS's may go private or state. If it's private it will mean boarding for the first year (then we will get funding via the Navy), so it will depend upon whether this would suit them. I don't think we could afford to send them both privately as day pupils. I would send one and not the other if one didn't want to go. I wouldn't send just one because I couldn't afford to send them both - I think then I would invest the extra money in other things related to education and send them both to state schools.

tallulah Sat 06-Sep-08 12:17:30

We sent 2 children private and 2 state. DD1 passed her 11+ but was blocked from going to grammar by her evil headteacher. Faced with the thought of her gravitating to the lowest common denominator (as she'd been doing at primary) in a rough school we put her in for an Assisted Place at a private school. She got in, on the basis of her 11+ scores hmm and we asked if they had any Assisted Places in their Junior school. They did, so DS2 was interviewed and tested, and got in.

The other 2 were the wrong age, so couldn't be considered. We couldn't afford to pay even a fraction of the normal fees so they couldn't go.

But it wouldn't have been fair to block DD's chances through trying to be "fair" to the others. It was the best thing we could have done for both of them. DS2 flourished and passed his 11+.

We did actually move DS3 to a different state primary 2 years later because the school they all started at had gone downhill. That was also the best thing we ever did.

Anna8888 Sat 06-Sep-08 12:22:11

My two stepsons have been at French state school right through (they are now in the first and third year of secondary school).

My daughter goes to a French private bilingual school.

So far so good from the children's POV. DSS1 sometimes asks why his parents didn't send him to the same school as my daughter - with hindsight my DP thinks he ought to have paid more attention to his young sons' education and sent them there. But the boys are quite happy at school and don't currently make much fuss.

But I do foresee problems for the future and we try to give the DSSs opportunities to compensate for a slightly less good education.

LadyMuck Sat 06-Sep-08 15:54:57

I think that it is reasonable to send each child to the school that best suits their needs regardless of whether it is state or private.

The difficulty in your situation is that by choosing the best for your son you are limiting the options for your daughter. Now it may be the case that the school that best suits her will be a state school, but you can't tell that yet.

findtheriver Sat 06-Sep-08 19:06:42

I agree with you about the school suiting the child LadyMuck - so it seems strange to talk about one type of education being 'better' per se. Maybe some parents don't see their children as individuals hmm

FritztheDog Sun 07-Sep-08 12:10:14

LadyMuck- I agree; what's right for one isn't necessarily right for all. Our eldest dd is at a private school, and when it came for s dd2 to move from small primary to the same private secondary school, she wavered because all her friends were moving on to the same quite good secondary. (We hadn't had the option of this school when dd1 was in the same position as they have now broadened their catchment.)

DD2 has just started at the private school, and we still have left her options open to change to the state at xmas if she wants to.
Personally I think their social happiness is more important than results etc.

Although the teaching and quality at the private school is better, even though they aren't selective at entry, they teach to very high expectations and consistently come out high in the tables.

FritztheDog Sun 07-Sep-08 12:12:12

Reading some posts again, isn't it sad that often the reason cited for private versus state is bullying?

tonton Mon 08-Sep-08 11:22:51

I'm thinking of trying to get dd1 into a private school at year 7. She's quite bright but very shy and i think could benefit from a bit of attention and a shove to try harder!
I just got a payrise and with some judicuous budgeting i could probably pay the fees for the next few years.
However DD2 is only 2 and god knows what my career prospects will be like by the time she's 11. I'm nearly 40 and my industry is not kind to 'older' employees.
So we MAY consider sending dd1 to private school in the knowledge that dd2 may well have to stay in the state system.

thumbwitch Mon 08-Sep-08 11:29:36

I went to private school but my bro and sis went to state school.

My parents offered my bro to take the entrance exam to the boys private school but he refused, didn't want to go to the "snobs' school". My sister wouldn't have passed the entrance exam to my school and didn't want to go there anyway as all her friends were going to the state school.

It would have been a real struggle financially if we had all gone private so I think my parents were relieved that it was just me - and they wanted me to go to that school so that I would get the necessary kicks up the bum to achieve (intelligent but lazy person).

It worked for us as a family and I don't think there was any resentment as neither my bro or sis actually wanted to go to a private school.

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