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Are parents responsible for childs behaviour????

(47 Posts)
Slink Thu 27-Jan-05 18:39:32

This is my next essay title, your opinions please would greatly appreciated.THANK YOU

tigermoth Thu 27-Jan-05 18:41:43

behaviour at school or at home?

hercules Thu 27-Jan-05 18:42:38

Depends on so much. I think they have to take responsibility and provide clear boundaries and expectations. I know very often that the children who tend to cause trouble at school have fairly ineffective and unsupportive parents at home. The well behaved ones have supportive parents usually.

MunchedTooManyMarsLady Thu 27-Jan-05 18:44:37

The problem is that for some parents no matter how well they've brought up their kids sometimes kids just go the wrong way and it is quite deliberate. On the whole though I agree that the majority of well behaved children come from supportive parents.

tigermoth Thu 27-Jan-05 18:45:41

I know this topic has been hotly debated on mumsnet (both for home and school behaviour) so if you need info asap, you could do a search through some of the education, parenting and behaviour threads.

lowcalCOD Thu 27-Jan-05 18:46:00

ooH daring tiger moth!

Slink Thu 27-Jan-05 18:47:29

The title does not state weather at home or school i think it is just genreal but god 2000 words, i am going to start it tonight, thanks for your feedback and anyoine else who adds on.

Slink Thu 27-Jan-05 18:48:06

meant to say anyone,

jessicasmummy Thu 27-Jan-05 18:48:49

For the first 5 years yes.... after that is is a mixture between school friends, teachers and parents - just my opinion

lowcalCOD Thu 27-Jan-05 18:49:05

I bet ther is an theory about up to what age the child is bound by parental rules and boundaries and also sanctions, I was still in awe of my parents capacity to reprimand tillI left home really

Slink Thu 27-Jan-05 18:52:41

jessica's mummy i had put down in my notes the first 5 yrs, coz after that it is all peer groups and you can't be with them all the time, i think guidence ( this from a first time mum dd is 3 now and brought evey book off the shelf when having dd... and worked with children 4 ever)

MistressMary Thu 27-Jan-05 18:54:25

Nuture or Nature argument isn't it really?

Cam Thu 27-Jan-05 19:43:38

I read this title as whether or not parents TAKE resposibility for children's behaviour - do you mean are parents the CAUSE of children's behaviour?

essbee Thu 27-Jan-05 19:48:12

Message withdrawn

jabberwocky Thu 27-Jan-05 19:50:12

I do think yes, to a large extent they are. I mean, you try (or should try anyway) to instill your beliefs, values, and social mores in your child from the beginning and thus parents make a basic imprint on the child. Also, a lot of bad behavior is attention-getting in nature and how the parent reacts to this impacts whether it continues. Having said this, I may be eating my words in a few years with ds...

Caligula Thu 27-Jan-05 20:01:42

It depends on the society the parents are operating in and what level of input to childrearing that society gives other agencies than parents - also whether parents values are in harmony or conflicting with other important influences.

I think most research shows that the home is still the most important influence in a child's life (at least until their teenage years).

Earlybird Thu 27-Jan-05 20:05:02

I read a fascinating essay a few years ago that took the nature vs nurture theory alot further. The author said that each child has certain genetic inclinations/traits (nature), and then the parents are responsible for instilling initial values/beliefs in their children (nurture). However, once children reach early adolescence, their peer group has as much, if not more, influence over how they think, act and behave. So, I think the question could be rephrased to "who/what influences a child's behaviour?"

Though there is certainly the fact that we as parents enjoy the benefits of a child's good behaviour, and have to manage the consequences of a child who misbehaves.

jane313 Thu 27-Jan-05 20:10:07

You often get siblings that are so different though and they usually have had a simliar upbringing apart freom their birth order. I remember meetign an nice mother when I first had myu son who said her first born son was so easy and she had gone around feeling very smug about her parenting skills then she had the girl from hell for her second and so she rethought her views!

Hulababy Thu 27-Jan-05 20:16:25

I believe that to an extent parents have to be responsible for thier child's behaviour. And I also believe that they should take responsibility for their child's behaviour, and how it can be improved (if necessary).

When speaking to my inamtes, especially my YOs, they often take about how they will be as parents (or some are parents alreadt so how they intend to be) - they all beleive that they should be responsible for their child's behaviour and should work on ways of keeping them on the straight from being babies.

However, they do not blame their parents for their behaviour as teenagers/young adults - but do feel they would have been less liekly to have gotten into so much trouble if they had had cinsistent discipline and support from home from early childhood.

happymerryberries Thu 27-Jan-05 20:16:42

First thing I would say is that there ae wonderful parents with there most dreadfully behaved children.

There are also children who have a dreaful time behaving well because that have considerable problems to deal with like ASD and ADHD.

However one that I am sure of, bad parenting often produces badly behaved children. So you can be a good parent and still have a 'difficult' child, but if you can't be arsed to work with your child, be positive and supportive and dicipline your child in a loving, consistant way you may very well get a brat.

wilbur Thu 27-Jan-05 20:29:01

In terms of young children, I don't think it's the parent's fault if their 2 yr old belts someone or snatches something, but I do think they should be responsible for soothing the beltee/apologising to other parenst or something along those lines. Bad behaviour is inevitable at times, but it shouldn't be ignored if it has affected someone else.

happymerryberries Thu 27-Jan-05 20:30:19

Should have made clear I was thinking of older children, not toddlers. And obviously patterns of behaviour will change with age

Caligula Thu 27-Jan-05 20:32:46

I've also seen it the other way round though HMB - chaotic, inconsistent parents who could never be bothered to impose boundaries, send their kids to school etc., producing children who then take responsibility for their own stuff (I'm thinking of a child I knew years ago who had a lunatic mother who never had any routine or order and the child did all her own ironing, organised her and her siblings homework etc. by the age of eight, and used to shout at her mother by 8.30PM that the younger children should be in bed. She also grew up to be a policewoman! - talk about a reaction).

Jane 313 - is your friend me?!

KatieMac Thu 27-Jan-05 20:38:36

This may not be a popular point of view.....

I think that parents must take responsibility for their childrens behaviour.

This can be direct by applying discipline boundaries etc or indirect eg by saying that I/we cannot adapt/modify this behavour and we need help.

Saying that your 12 yo is uncontrollable/is badly behaved is not a let out, you should be making arrangements so that some control can be applied/good behaviour taught. This may be by way of medical help, psycological help, social help etc. In doing that you are taking responsibility.

But in the end it is the parents who are responsible for a child behaviour.

happymerryberries Thu 27-Jan-05 20:42:07

True and I have too. In fact I have taugh two half siblings, one is well turned out, organised and very mature and the other is constantly running away from home, is dirty and totaly disorgnanised. One of my best mates comes from a family of alcoholics but has made a roaring success in life. But these are the exceptions to the rule in my experience. For a child to buck the trend takes a lot of self determination.

It doesn't mean that you have to be a perfect parent, just a good enough one. But I think that most of us would agree that inconsistant or non-existant dicipline is not going to help a child become a happy well ballanced adult wouldn't we? Or else why should any of us bother....Much easier to take the easy route if the kids will all miraculously go against the trend?

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