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Made appt to see dd1's teacher about bitchy classmates- am I overreacting?

(29 Posts)
GreatBigFatHeiferEnid Sun 16-Jan-05 20:50:29

I am going to speak to dd1's teacher on Wed afternoon as I am fed up with dd1 telling me about the mean things that a girl in her class has been saying to her ('X says I'm stupid' 'X says I'm fat' ). She is in reception but the girl saying these things is in Yr 1 - half of Yr 1 stays mixed with the reception class IYKWIM. Also when I dropped dd1 off the other day, one of her classmates whispered to her 'X says we aren't going to play with you today'. Obv. dd1 very upset by this.


What shall I say?

misdee Sun 16-Jan-05 20:51:27

just tell them. its bullying in a mean mean way. sometimes words hurt more than hits.

poor dd.

jampots Sun 16-Jan-05 20:52:20

no your not overreacting as your dd is upset. These comments are unkind and completely unncessary and its about time the kid learned some manners and compassion.

spod Sun 16-Jan-05 20:54:07

not over reacting at all. school should know asap. and dont be fobbed off. i know children can be mean without intending to be hurtful (iykwim) but this sounds like bullying to me. And this is in reception???!!! what are things coming to?

nutcracker Sun 16-Jan-05 20:54:28

No i don't think you are over reacting.

My Dd2 is in reception and often says so and so has said this that and the other but she is uaually friends with them the next day.

However if she was repeatadly telling me that the same person had said nasty things then i would speak to the teacher.

Also as it is an older child doing this i feel it should be addressed too, as she is obviously taking advantage iykwim.

Hope you get is sorted.

coppertop Sun 16-Jan-05 20:55:58

You're not overreacting IMHO. It sounds like sneaky bullying to me. Someone needs to tell the child(ren) responsible that this is unacceptable behaviour. The teacher can only do this if she is aware of these nasty comments.

weightwatchingwaterwitch Sun 16-Jan-05 20:56:01

Not over reacting Enid, it's so sad and awful how early the bitching starts isn't it? I think you should just tell the teacher you're concerned and see what she says. Maybe she'll have a word with the whole class about kindness and being nice to each other, you never know. Spineless, manipulative mother that I am, maybe I'd invite this girl to tea, get the measure of her, see if I could get her on dd's side or at least work out what's going on. Is that an option? You never know, it might just knock it on the head. In the meantime tell your dd that only unhappy people are mean to other people like that and what they want is a reaction so she mustn't give them one. Sympathy. It would make me angry and sad too.

PuffTheMagicDragon Sun 16-Jan-05 20:57:37

No, I would want to know if this was going on in my class. Definitely speak to the teacher.

GreatBigFatHeiferEnid Sun 16-Jan-05 20:58:08

it is confusing as dd1 sometimes says 'I like X, she is kind to me', so I think 'ok, its all sorted,' but these comments keep coming...

Also dd1 had a lovely little friend last term but unfortunately she has moved away so dd1 doesn't have a special buddy anymore. I am encouraging a tentative friendship but am totally fed up with this girls behaviour...never been to see a teacher before though so worried that I will be marked down as a paranoid mum

Amanda3266 Sun 16-Jan-05 20:59:12

Not over-reacting. This is bullying.

weightwatchingwaterwitch Sun 16-Jan-05 20:59:12

Nah, you won't. If she's a nice teacher you'll come away feeling reassured that she'll watch out for it and stamp on it if she sees it.

tamum Sun 16-Jan-05 20:59:56

Blimey, I wouldn't have thought so Enid- it's horrible behaviour that needs to be nipped in the bud as soon as possible. I'm sure the teacher would rather know. Hope it goes well.

GreatBigFatHeiferEnid Sun 16-Jan-05 21:00:36

www - I tried a watered down version of that tactic - being particularly nice to X in the playground, always smiling at her etc etc and though that was the way to go, but it seems to have kicked off again.

Also dd1's behaviour at home has changed, she is now often very mean to dd2 which is a new development and can't help feeling the two are linked...

scaltygirl Sun 16-Jan-05 21:01:13

Message withdrawn

GreatBigFatHeiferEnid Sun 16-Jan-05 21:03:17

scaltygirl - its not just dd1. Two other mothers have told me that x has been upsetting their children too. That sort of makes me feel better as at least its not just poor dd1. One girl won't wear a scarf to school now as X told her she wasn't allowed to.

Don't want to fight everyone elses battles though but also want to say something in case it escalates.

PuffTheMagicDragon Sun 16-Jan-05 21:03:44

Enid, I'd be very surprised if you were labelled as a paranoid Mum. This kind of bullying should not be left unchecked. Your being the best kind of concerned parent.

janeybops Sun 16-Jan-05 21:06:41

Tell the teacher - I would definitely want to know if it was my class. With the best will in the world it is not always possible to fully aware of all this that goes on. Especially if it is done sneakly.

I always appreciate when the parents come and tell me as I can then put a stop to it! I am sure your dd teacher will feel the same way.

scaltygirl Sun 16-Jan-05 21:07:09

Message withdrawn

GreatBigFatHeiferEnid Sun 16-Jan-05 21:12:43

good advice scaltygirl, thanks

GreatBigFatHeiferEnid Tue 18-Jan-05 16:35:04

spoke to dd1's teacher today, she has had another parent complaining about the same girl. They have spoken to the girl's mum (apparently her father is going in on Thursday to see her) and given the class a pep talk. She was very helpful and friendly even if she didn't let me get a word in edgeways...she also mentioned a couple of little girls who dd1 seems to be keen on and recommended I have them for tea.

Dd1 seems a bit happier today so we'll see what happens...

ScummyMummy Tue 18-Jan-05 16:55:12

well done, enid. Glad the teacher was good (apart from not letting you get a word in edgeways- can't have everything eh?!). Hope things improve for dd1 soon.

Tanzie Tue 18-Jan-05 16:55:19

Fingers crossed! Similar thing happened to my DD when she was in reception - one particular child kept telling her she was fat (she isn't she is tall and solid, but def not fat). I suggested (I am Bad Mummy, I know! But she did not want me to speak to the teacher) that the next time this girl said it, she should tell her she was ugly. She said she did, and all the other girls laughed and the horrible child has been no problem since then.

GreatBigFatHeiferEnid Tue 18-Jan-05 17:34:53

when I mentioned the 'you are fat' comment to the teacher, she said 'well thats strange, because (your dd1) isnt fat!' I thought, thats not the b**y point!

Socci Tue 18-Jan-05 17:56:16

Message withdrawn

Freckle Tue 18-Jan-05 18:09:33

Well, if you're overreacting, then so am I, as I have just spoken to DS1's school about persistent bullying. DS1 is nearly 11 and came out of school today looking unhappy - once away from the school he burst into tears . Trouble is, he is a very sensitive child and some boys in his class have picked up on this and have been persistently bullying him and undermining his already shaky self-confidence. They too call him names which are ridiculous (such as "stupid", when he is actually one of the brightest in the class). As bullying goes, it might be deemed to be minor, but it is the drip-drip effect of it that does the harm. DS1 is now saying he doesn't want to go to school anymore (and this from a child who loves school and loves learning) and that, when he goes to secondary school in September, he hopes that none of his classmates go to the same school so that he can start afresh.

Problem is that, when bullies find out that their chosen target is affected by what they say, it is very hard to stop them. It's all very well saying, ignore them and they'll stop. Very often they don't stop because they know they can wear you down.

I don't often step in to protect my children as, to a degree, they have to learn to deal with these situations themselves, but this situation is heart-breaking.

I can understand how your daughter feels and I think you should speak to the school so that it is nipped in the bud.

I do wonder what goes through the minds of these children who so deliberately set out to make other children's lives a misery.

Sorry - rather hijacked your thread there, but loads of empathy.

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