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Education

Dont want a big debate just want advice

23 replies

jnbsmum · 27/11/2004 11:58

Sorry but this is long. I want to give you the full background

My ds is 4 and in sept is due to start full time education. At the moment he is in a pre school nusery.
He has always had behavior proplems that have been apparent since he was one. His attention span is very short, He tends to go at things like a bull in a china shop, He cant sit still for long at all...Basically he is a very boystrous boy. The foundation unit he attends has picked up on his behavior as slightly abnormal. Obviously we noticed problems a few yrs ago and has seen behavior specialist who have said there is nothing medicaly wrong with him. They said he is an intelligent boy who needs his full potential bringing out of him iyswim. He can write his name and is able to recocgnise a few words already. He is one of the older children in his nursery and is deffinatly one of the brightest(not trying to make my son seem like a genius as he's not)
If hes not getting educated he tends to get bored very easily and gets very disruptive.
Over the last 5 days, 3 of those when i have gone to pick him up i have found him sat alone at the other side of the room whilst all the other children are sat together enjoying themselves. The teacher also tells me on average 3 times a week that he is not allowed to play outside, do singing or sit with the other children because of his behavior. I feel that my son is being isolated when really he should be educated.
Over the last few weeks i have been wondering if i should look into sending him to a private school to get the best out of him. Am i thinking along the wrong lines here. I really need advice as i'm just worried that throughout his education he is always going to be labeled a 'naughty boy'. What do i do.. Please help

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PuffTheMagicDragon · 27/11/2004 12:07

jnbsmum, it seems the nursery is coming down very hard on him very early - which is not good for your little boy as I believe young children can end up having patterns of behaviour reinforced by this tough attitude and they can end up thinking "I'm the naughty boy, this is my role, so that's what I will do".

What discussions have you had with the nursery about managing his behaviour?

I think you are right, he will end up isolated if this carries on.

How much reinforcement of his positive behaviour is going on in the nursery?

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MarsLady · 27/11/2004 12:10

I think that if you want to educate him privately then you should do so. What is the most important is that you do the best for your son. No-one else's opinion matters. I think that if it were me and it was something that I could feasibly do then I would do it. My friend has a son that has always been "difficult" and he has flourished in a small private school and the fear was that he would have been lost in a state school. At the end of the day, it doesn't matter what other people think, only what you know about you, yourself and your situation (selfish aren't I?)

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blossomhill · 27/11/2004 12:10

Hi jnbsmum - I am not sure if sending your ds private would be a solution, at least not in the short term. I think that the behaviour problems need to be looked at further as whatever environment he is he will find hard (by the sounds of it).
I don't want to sound like a bull in a china shop and apologies if I am saying too much but have you ever considered he may have some kind of attention problem such as add or adhd? the only reason I am saying this is that my dd does. If so then he ceratainly should not be withdrawn for the behaviour and I don't think he should at that age anyway.
My dd has a language disorder as well so is a little bit more complex but her attention problems have always been there.
Sorry if this isn't much help but I really feel for you in your current situationa dn hope your ds gets the help and support he needs.

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jnbsmum · 27/11/2004 12:12

Ive spoken with his teacher who says i need to get back in touch with his behavior specialist.
The only positive praising that is going on is he gets stickers in a book. But all the children get them and i dont think he really understands whats going on with it. I have sticker chats with him at home and he also get stickers to wear so everyone see's he's being good
They dont carry this on in school even though i have asked them

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hmb · 27/11/2004 12:13

My son sounds very similar to yours. He has alos have preobelms with language which did not help his behaviour. We have sent him to a private school where he is in a class of 10 with a teachers and TA. This means that they have had the time and space to let him calm down. He would have otherwise gone to the local state primary with an intake of 30. By now I am quite sute he would have been excluded. His behavior has improved beyond recognition.

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jnbsmum · 27/11/2004 12:15

blossomhill. We have gone down the adhd route only to be told by 3 proffesionals that its not that. I did wonder this myself.

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blossomhill · 27/11/2004 12:16

It can be hard to diagnose before the age of 5 as lots of under 5's are over active. The difference with my dd is that she simply cannot sit still and finds it very hard to! We are even thinking of going down the medication route if the food and alternative therapies do not work!

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jnbsmum · 27/11/2004 12:17

I'm really glad to hear i'm not the only one who has worried about this then. I remember at school therer was always the 'disruptive one' Who was expected to be like that and was singled out before they even did anything. I do not want my son to be one of these.

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PuffTheMagicDragon · 27/11/2004 12:18

Sorry, forgot to say, if you want and think you can manage to send him to a private school, then that might be a route you want to consider - he's your little boy and you are thinking carefully through what might be best for him.

However, I would say don't feel driven down that route because of what is happening currently, which is why I'm wondering what's going on in the nursery and what behaviour management strategies are being employed before your ds is being completely excluded from activities in this way.

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jnbsmum · 27/11/2004 12:20

The food in my case does make a difference. I have restricted his diet and i find if he eats sensibly his is a litlle calmer than if he eats something like ketchup

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jnbsmum · 27/11/2004 12:24

Ive spoken with dh about this as its something thats being nagging me for a while. He says that we should speek with the teachers about what is going on. Although he has also being thinking a lot about private ed too. If i worked full time then we would be able to send ds and dd

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hmb · 27/11/2004 12:25

I would def have a long chat with your ds's current school to see what they think may be going on and what they can do about it. Have this infrmation before you make the choice, it may be that they can help to sove the situation

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blossomhill · 27/11/2004 12:27

jnbsmum - I am sure whatever you will decide will be the best decision for you and your family.
We have had a lot of debating as to whether dd has adhd or not and I now believe, as does everyone that works with her, she does. Adhd is a true condition that basically means there is a chemical inbalance.
Remember that if it is adhd then your ds would be entitled to more help and support in mainstream.
I would also like to add that I am no expert and have only commented on the few things you have said. I just want to try and help you and hope that's how it has come across

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jnbsmum · 27/11/2004 12:28

I will do that. Its such a big desition for me at the moment and i want to make sure i make the right one.

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PuffTheMagicDragon · 27/11/2004 12:32

jnbsmum, I'm out for the rest of the day, but back around tonight. I'm sure you'll get lots of help on here .

If you want to talk things through from an "early years teacher" perspective, then I'd be happy to try and help. I feel at the thought of your ds being left out of activities so much - it doesn't sound as though he's getting any specific focus to help manage his behaviour.

You're on my msn list, so email me via that if you want to. I'll be around from about 8.00pm .

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jnbsmum · 27/11/2004 12:33

blossomhill i have to say i do still wonder about adhd even though i have been told its not. The truth is i dont know all that much about it as ive never been given any info on it. Everyone was quick to say it wasnt that even though i thought it could be. I was just made to feel like a bad mum for thinking it

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jnbsmum · 27/11/2004 12:34

Thanks puff.

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jnbsmum · 27/11/2004 12:35

btw bh you have come across very helpful. no offence has been taken here at all

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blossomhill · 27/11/2004 12:40

jnbs mum I found the Christopher Green book on adhd here on Amazon really helpful

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blossomhill · 27/11/2004 12:42

This website has loads of useful info on ADHD HTH

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jnbsmum · 27/11/2004 12:51

Thankyou. the link is really helpful. It just sounds like my son all over. Can i ask, do you find that when your dd is doing something the whole world seems to switch off around her? For me it just seems that its my son and whatever he's doing Nothing or noone can get through to him

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blossomhill · 27/11/2004 12:59

Not exactly. With my dd she cannot switch off and gets easily distracted with what's going on around her although occasionally does go in a world of her own. For example she is painting a picture and then decides she wants to read a book. She will then stop what she is doing and it is extremely hard to get her back on task if she doesn't want to. I am very lucky in that dd goes to a language unit attached to a mainstream school and is statemented. Luckily dd does a lot of small group work and that has helped. My dd is highly intelligent and is reading very well, writing and her maths is good.
On that website link there is a questionnaire and I did it for dd and it said she had the 6 parts of adhd.

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Jimjams · 27/11/2004 20:38

Yes worth looking into ADHD I'd say. If he does have ADHD - and it is officially recogised- he may well be better off staying in the state sector (suspect he wouldn't survive long in the private sector with ADHD- unless it was a very understanding school).

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