Being a chorister- positive and negative experiences please

[ChoristerQuestion]

We are considering this and of course he may not get in .

I would be very excited for him musically which is really his thing but how do different choir schools compare with a balance? As do most children enjoy it and last the course as I feel quite nervous of the intensity or responsibility on them so young- although of course when they love it it may just not matter .

Also do certain characters suit it more?
Thanks for any help.

[ChoristerQuestion]

I meant to say DS not him- multitasking!!

[Creatureofthenight]

It’s excellent musical training and the choristers I’ve met really enjoy it. They do work hard and it’s a big commitment for the whole family as you have to be around for lots of services over Christmas and Easter.

[stucknoue]

It's excellent musical education but loads of pressure on young kids, especially boarding so young. There's a good alternative though -there's quite a few cathedrals and large churches with semi professional choirs who don't require boarding and kids attend normal schools, we even have choristers who only sing half the services because they play football. All depends on whether you want to make singing their whole life or just part of it. My DD's have gained so much from being choristers but I would never have allowed them to board at 7 or 8, we turned down an offer of music college at 11 because it was boarding. One of mine still sings, she trains the new choristers now and is considering music college

[ChoristerQuestion]

Thank you . This is helpful and I do wish there was a middle ground as DS does love his quiet time just playing at home and wondered what happens if he ever changed his mind . He thrives on the music there which he otherwise doesn’t have access to beyond a weekly choir which is really fun

[NellyBarney]

Which schools are you considering? Will he have any exeats? The schools I know best are Christ Church and Kings, which both require them to stay in every weekend from 8 years old, and then also for long chunks during the holidays - until Easter and Christmas Day, and then for tours in the summer. Free time is genuinely restricted to about 30min to 1 hour a week. There is the requirement of 2 instruments, with the expectation that they reach grade 7 or 8 by time of 13plus. Selection for music scholarships (which can then be topped up by a bursary) for secondary schools will be solely based on their instrumental performances and grades. They will also need to be academic as there is not much time for catching up on school work. Some kids I know love it. Some hated it but were grateful for the education they received. Some were just miserable. Does your son enjoy being with others all the time? He must be naturally extrovert as he will never have alone time again. Will he eat everything? Choir boarding schools are often small so don't have much choice for lunch and dinner and breakfast. He cang be fussy. Is he smart to keep up easily with academic work? Is he interested in learning 2 instruments? Is he happy to tour China or USA on his own? Will you be able to visit him and listen to him sing in services? Many parents will as kids get more and more local (e.g. lots of choristers at CCCS and Kings are from Oxford and Czmbridge), so your ds might feel a bit lonely if you are not there as often as other parents. But it is beautiful and a wonderful experience for the right kid, so good luck!

[Monkey2001]

Cathedrals vary in level of commitment. My boys were both choristers, the first at a big parish church where he sang 3 services every Sunday and the second at our local cathedral which splits the commitment between boys and girls, but has both choirs together for bigger events. Both loved it and still sing.

It is a wonderful moment for a parent when your DC does the Once in Royal solo and a great thing to do. I wish I had done it as a child.

[Monkey2001]

For us the only negative was that it was difficult to go away at weekends and Christmas and Easter juggling was required for family commitments.

[BizzzzyBee]

My friend’s DC was a chorister and the biggest drawback was that he only got free schooling as long as he was a chorister. By about 13 he was too old to be a chorister any more and couldn’t afford to pay school fees, so he had to leave his school and all his friends and go to the local comp. It made him very depressed, he struggled with the transition and never really settled or made friends at the comp.

[ChoristerQuestion]

He plays two instruments and he’s very self motivated with it but he is not extrovert except with his best friends.

He would get exeats every other weekend. It’s so difficult as my heart says a huge yes then panics as can’t know if he’d adapt well . Academically he’s doing well

[NellyBarney]

It sounds like your DS is really well suited. I would try it and see. It's a wonderful opportunity. The probationary year is their for your ds to find out whether he likes it. If it's not for him, you just call it quits and are richer for a unique experience. At least you won't have regrets about not having tried it.

[Etino]

How near are you to the school? Being able to go up for midweek evensong and spring him whenever he’s free rather than sitting in McDonald’s makes a big difference.

[Pythonesque]

There are many different levels of commitment. Some of the colleges and a few other serious chorister opportunities, don't do Christmas and Easter for exampe.

One of ours boarded and we knew from the first tour of the school that she would fit in there. Both of ours found the structured routine a help overall rather than a hindrance. The one that was a day boy is now also boarding for senior school. The really telling thing though is that both our children still want to sing / take any opportunity to do so, especially in their senior schools' chapel choirs.

I do think it is tougher for boys to board as they mostly need to start younger. Had our son started at year 5 as his sister did, his voice changing during year 7, though he hung on till Christmas in year 8, would have felt even more of a loss. But as a summer birthday, boarding might have started in year 4 at just turned 8, had he not got a place at a non-boarding choirschool. [I still look back somewhat at the fact he was exactly 6.5 yrs old when he auditioned]

Personally I am a great believer in children being fully involved in any decision to audition for a choirschool - they need to know what services look and sound like, and have a real interest in being part of that environment.

In the end we did our research, followed our children's desires, and then prayed that we would get the outcome that was right for them!

[BigTrombone]

My DS is a chorister and has boarded since Y4. He loves it. Weekend boarding doesn’t start until after probationary years. He is a long- distance boarder so we don’t see him midweek but often he gets invited out on Wed. Pm. Pros: (beyond the obvious) school supervise practice and prep; super organisation skills; team work ; resilience. Cons: long distance boarding means lots of weekend travel to and from school in y4/5; need to keep on top of academic needs from a distance.

DS is at a normal 3 form entry mixed school rather than a chorister -specific school which will serve well at y9 going back to normality.

Boarding: it’s about resilience of the parents rather than the child. Sell it as a privilege won rather than ‘oh no, you have to board, we’ll miss you’.

If you want more thoughts from the coal face pm me.

[Pia77]

BigTrombone if you are still around could I PM you?

[barbarag]

@BigTrombone can I ask about choir school? Thanks

[barbarag]

Could any of the parents with experience give me some advice? Thanks

[BigTrombone]

Yes. Feel free!

[BigTrombone]

Yes -of course. Ask away!

[barbarag]

Thanks :)
My son has just given a place in a choir school... I would like to have a chat, is there a more personal way to do so?
Thanks!

[BigTrombone]

Yes - but I don’t know how. I’m sure there must be a way to pm me..?

[barbarag]

@BigTrombone, it says if we write the name of the user with the @ it goes directly to the person, but I see it just goes to the group...

[ChoirDilemma]

@barbarag, another chorister parent here, happy to answer questions.

To pm another MN user, click on the My Mumsnet tab at the top of the screen, and "Private Messages" should be one of the menu options.

[BigTrombone]

Hi. I honestly can’t compare choir schools ( Kings isn’t a choir or music school) because for us it was Kings or nothing. However, we did rule out Westminster Abbey because the school has no more that 30 children and for my son that would have been too insular, but I’m sure would be wonderful for others who would thrive in a very enclosed environment. Our only thing with Kings is that boarding is mandatory - but our son has always been very independent minded and took to it easily at age 8 and was quickly cross that the year 4 and5 children didn’t stay at weekends too! We will never regret sending him to Kings - we do regret the lack of singing last year and this due to covid and then his voice changing early but that’s life and nobody’s fault. But he did get to do two Christmases on TV and will be on at Easter too. (Pre recorded!). I hope this helps.