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Please tell me we are doing the right thing by moving the DSs to a new school....

(13 Posts)
Legacy Wed 11-Jul-07 13:48:46

I thought we had bottomed this one out - done all the rationale thinking, discussed and evaluated all the options...

We have chosen to send DS1 (7) to an independent prep from Sept, rather than the local Junior school (where most of his current classmates are going), because we think his interests and abilities will be better catered for.
Then we decided to also move DS2 (just 5) to the same school, rather than wait another two years. For him it was more to do with the fact that he's the youngest in his class, and struggling in a class of 30.


But we had their 'sports day' yesterday, and I was just struck by how happy they seemed, with all their friends, having fun etc. Now I feel bad about taking them away from their friends and peer group.

If you've done something similar, please convince me it will all be OK, I feel really sad and wobbly about it today

alisonmc Wed 11-Jul-07 15:06:44

HI Legacy,

We are doing just the same thing for our son in Sept. All of his current class mates will be going to the linked Junior school (currently in Special Measures and very poor both academically and behaviour - lots of bullying) in Sept but our son will be going to a Catholic Primary which has better prospects for his learning and attainment. He will be the only child from his current YR 2 Cohort going to this new school.

We included DS in the decision making process back in Jan/Feb time by taking him to different schools to see which he liked best - in the end we all chose the Catholic school for numerous reasons. He has had a couple of introduction afternoons to settle him into the school - he really loves his new school and cannot wait to start !

He knows that he will see his current friends after school and will not lose touch with them - so he is quite happy with this move.

DS also knows that facilities and opportunities for him to advance and learn are much better at the Catholic school and he is excited about this.

You must not feel sad - the way we have approached it is that DS will have lots of new friends in September but still will have current friends.

Just because the child does not go to the same school should not effect their current friendships.

Elasticwoman Wed 11-Jul-07 15:10:09

Your 5 year old is in a very large class now, so will benefit from the smaller class size.

They are both being moved early on in their school career, and provided they then have stability, will have the opportunity to make friends in the new school.

In the end, you just have to make your decision based on your own circumstances and knowledge of your children. No one is better placed than you to do that. Yes, ok in the future with hindsight you may feel you should have decided differently - but that's life. We have to make decisions based on what we know and feel now. Sounds like you have thought long and hard, so whatever the outcome, you will know you did your best at the time.

And I speak as some one who doesn't want to use the private sector for her own dc (even if she had a choice).

Legacy Wed 11-Jul-07 16:07:24

They are both fairly OK with it, and have both had visits to the new school and enjoyed it. They know one of two people in their classes, including a neighbour's children, so I know I shouldn't really gbe worrying.

They will now be at this school until they are 11 (assuming all is OK) so there's loads of time to make new friends.

However I'm still panicking (stupidly, I know) about all sorts of things like "what if they don't get on with the other children - there will be fewer in the class to choose friends from!"

I think what made me sad was the way several of my youngest's friends Mums came and said how sorry they were he was leaving, as X really liked him. It just made me want to cry - I felt like a mean Mummy taking him away!

aintnomountainhighenough Wed 11-Jul-07 16:22:18

We have just made the opposite decision actually but not because of the friends issue. When my DD did her induction at our chosen independent school it hit me how far it was to drive (I posted a thread on this). For this reason she is going to the local school, although I would prefer to send her to the independent and we will be looking at how it is going. I must admit the really good thing about the local school is that she knows all the children who will be in her class and they are all lovely. That said I was not really very worried about the friends thing as I knew should would meet some great new friends and retain the great friends she has made locally already. As another poster has said you need to do what you believe is right for your children and it sounds like you have done just that. It will work because you are committed to it and sensitive enough about the issues that may arise. Good Luck to you and your DCs!

snorkle Wed 11-Jul-07 16:51:09

Legacy, You could look at it the other way - how lovely that they are so valued and popular - that will most likely mean they will settle in at the new place quickly and easily. I think I might be more worried if everyone was glad to see the back of them.

tuppy Wed 11-Jul-07 17:14:23

Legacy I totally understand; dd started y3 in September at a new prep school. She'd been at the old school since nursery and although she was happy socially, very popular in fact, the move was for academic reasons. I had the sports day wobble, the end of term summer concert wobble, the inner gulping and blinking when some of her friends made cards or sent little notes telling her they'd miss her etc.

She has been incredibly happy and settled in very quickly in spite of knowing nobody at the new school. Playdates, parties and even sleepovers happened very quickly and easily. As a bonus, she is still in touch with some of her old friends who she can see at weekends or overnight occasionally.

You have your reasons for your boys' moving; it will be fine.

Legacy Wed 11-Jul-07 18:28:59

THANK YOU! This is what I needed to hear! Rationally I know it's the right thing to do, but I am finding all the end of term stuff really hard emotionally (harder than they are!). Also we are leaving to go on holiday 3 days before the end of term which feels weird (but actually may be a good thing, as otherwise I think I would be in floods of tears on the lat day!)

I tink I am also sad at leaving some of MY friends and acquaintences at this school. . But we live in a relatively small town, so I know we will bump into people.

It's strange really, I never expected to get drawn into my children's lives quite so much!

slondonmum Wed 11-Jul-07 19:34:42

Legacy, you'll be fine! We're exactly in the same boat (moving daughter to independent school, for work reasons). She's moved school before, when we first came to this area, and I promise you, they rapidly make new friends, and keep up with the closest of the old. Just look ahead to your holiday and the summer (hopefully) ahead of you!

pyjamaqueen Wed 11-Jul-07 19:36:13

I'm sure they will be fine - children adapt very quickly at that age. Next year you'll be at a different sports day saying how happy they look.

whiskersonkittens Wed 11-Jul-07 20:20:46

Good luck Legacy

I am in exactly the same position, dcs leaving their current school for various reasons and having the Sports Day wobble too!

I am dreading the last day of term on Friday especially as dh is awya so I will have to face it on my own

I am sure at Christmas we will have happy, settled children and be wondering what we were so worried about ...

slondonmum Wed 11-Jul-07 20:56:01

I have to say, I just told the mum of one of her friends that she is leaving -- and it is hard! Especially when they're obviously happy with the school -- and we're not, otherwise we wouldn't be taking her out.

Sobernow Wed 11-Jul-07 21:07:41

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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