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is my toddler more reliable than the 'teachers' at her nursery school?

10 replies

bakedpotato · 09/09/2004 16:18

i just posted this on another thread, but such is my need for MN comment that i'm starting a new one. help me, experienced mums!

my dd, 2.10, has just started nursery school, three shifts a week. it mostly went fine on day one. i don't want to be neurotic, but there was one thing that was a bit disconcerting. i shadowed dd for an hour, said byebye and left her at the nursery school when she seemed to be involved in an activity with a nice 'teacher'.

came back to pick her up at going home time 2 hrs or so later. all staff told me how good/happy she had been. but dd said, 'I cried.' i mentioned this to a staff member, who said, 'oh yes, she cried a little when we had to come inside from the playground.' now, this didn't sound like my dd -- usually vv keen to get on to next thing. when i asked her why she'd cried, she said, 'I wanted my mummy.'

obv, they don't know her at all, and i'm sure they were just trying to make it easy for me, but it makes me wonder: is my toddler dd more reliable than the people i'm paying to look after her?

is this just one of those things i have to accept? is it worth mentioning this v casually to a staff member when we next go in for a session? just in terms of, don't bother about my feelings, if she has been a bit difficult/sad/naughty whatever, i'd really like to know about it?

i know they're all under a lot of pressure in there and i don't want to get marked down as 'nightmare fussy mum' but i'd rather feel that i really knew what was going on right from the start: i don't want a sanitised version.

i wish an experienced mum would tell me -- am i expecting too much? what would you do?

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coddychops · 09/09/2004 16:19

she may have creid for moment but not significantly snought o worry you
I would make a jokey comment when you go in
she is bound to cry over somehting during the day - kids do..

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bakedpotato · 09/09/2004 17:38

just wish they'd mentioned it rather than her. after all, it was her first day... i was sort of expecting it.
i wonder how much feedback i can hope to get? guess the answer is, not very much.

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bakedpotato · 09/09/2004 17:40

ooh, sounds a bit rude. from the school i mean, not mn (though i'd love more takes on this...)

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KateandtheGirls · 09/09/2004 17:42

I wouldn't expect them to tell me if there had been just a few tears. That's bound to happen. I'm sure if she had been crying hysterically they would have told you. I'd give it a couple more sessions and then see how you feel about the teachers and what your instinct is telling you at that point.

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Slinky · 09/09/2004 18:44

DD2 started school on Monday. She came home today, saying that she cried sometime during the morning. When I asked why, she said she was tired.

The teacher didn't tell me tonight but TBH I wouldn't expect her to. I would however expect her to tell me if she had cried hysterically on and off during the whole day.

Also, from my experiences of working in a day nursery, again we would do the same. If a child cried wanting mummy, then we would cuddle, reassure the child that mummy would be coming after lunch/after rest time/after afternoon snack etc.

We wouldn't have necessarily told mum unless said child was screaming/crying the whole day or repeatedly wouldn't settle.

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bakedpotato · 09/09/2004 19:00

ok, this is good to know. thanks for taking time etc.

the nursery school just rang on an unrelated matter. i mentioned my dilemma, in apologetic fashion, and got an understanding response. as you've all pointed out, she said if it was persistant crying it would have been mentioned.

teacher also (rather brilliantly) volunteered dd's allocated staff member to call me after next few sessions (says it's not good for child to overhear discussion about its behaviour, so a doorstop chat isn't the best solution, which seems sensible, and reassures me that the place is actually well run).

upshot being i'm feeling much better

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SoupDragon · 09/09/2004 19:04

Posted this on the other thread...
It could be that she didn't tell them why she was crying and they linked it with havng to come in. If it was her first day, she may not have wanted to tell them.

Maybe go in tomorrow and say "DD told me that she cried yesterday because she was missing me. Can you keep an eye on her and let me know if it happens again - I'd like to know so I can reassure her."

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bakedpotato · 09/09/2004 19:26

thankyou soupdragon, i imagine you're right on the money about what actually happened.

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Angeliz · 09/09/2004 20:04

hi again bakedpoatao:)

Well i am just like you and would want to be told if dd had cried at all. As you know by my other thread she didn't today, (but then tonight she said the teacher was very kind and told her to stop crying!!!???)
I think the ammount of feedback really seems to depend on how busy they are with how many parents asking for info at that time. It seems we all want the info on ours (only natural) when i picked dd up.
(and i've done it 3 times now so i'm a pro

I think as long as you are getting good vibes and dd tells you stuff aswell as the staff that's the best you (we) can hope for.
D'ya think we'll chill out with our next ones???

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bakedpotato · 09/09/2004 20:55

angeliz, i do agree, i've been trying not to get too knicker-twisty about this but i can't believe we're that weird, wanting/needing a bit of feedback from staff for first few stints... the crying episode was the only detail i did find out about her first day, and it came from her initially.
partly because of the leaving procedure, it's imposs to get any real contact with staff on the premises at her n/s, unless you lurk. but this phone thing they've offered me will make it easier i guess.
you sound like contact with the staff is easier in your case, and that's good.
we'll be fine in a week or so. we will!