Pre-prep expressing serious concerns about admitting DS in September

[VivaRice]

Need some help/views.

We enrolled DS in a pre-prep to start school this September. We've now been to the welcoming session + school fair.

We were asked DS's nursery report. Because the report says DS still has problems expressing his needs/emotions verbally and sometimes refuses to follow rules, we also sent a copy of a psychological assessment we had done when DS was just 4 (4.5 now). The tests ruled out ADHD and put DS's fidgeting and hyperactivity down to anxiety.
DS's behaviour is much better now and I think in line with that of his peers. Having to drop the nap + nursery staff not enforcing boundaries had compounded problems.

After looking at these reports, the pre-prep called, then sent emails with words like "serious concern" "hope we can accommodate". As message exchanges build up the tone has gone from talking of support to having serious concerns. They have now organised to do a nursery visit in a week's time.

I don't think the pre-prep can easily get out of the contract we've already entered. We know if a teaching assistant is needed we'll have to pay for it. But as you can imagine it's not giving me great confidence DS is going to feel welcome in his new environment.

Do I do anything other than wait and see? I didn't enter the state school system because our 2 catchment schools are well below average and parents who live close to better state schools are having great difficulty getting in those schools (mini baby boom it seems + many siblings) so really no chance for us. Do I start approaching other pre-preps? What do I tell them?

My husband and I were both educated in the state sector so we don't have a great understanding of how pre-preps operate. We read (past tense) the contract carefully before we signed and nothing was hinting at what is happening happening.

[Caribbeanyesplease]

I wouldn’t want my child going to this school.

Your son presents the possibility of a challenge for the school and, rather than embrace it, they are trying to get out of it.

Why on earth would you want to send your child to such a place?

[Caribbeanyesplease]

They would very easily be able to get out of the contract.

They would simply say that having had the report, they do not believe that their school is the appropriates for your son and return any monies you have paid.

[AnotherNewt]

Is this the first they'd heard of it?

If it is, I can see why they might want to sort out support for September (remember, they may well be breaking up next week, so time is short and tetchiness at a last-minute revelation might show).

That's the benign version. I don't assume all pre-preps are nasty and heartless, nor that they cannot cope. That might be the case, of course. But I think schools like a bit of warning if a new pupil may need support - because they care about the transition going well and the child flourishing.

They hope to accommodate, but the unsaid bit is 'why didn't you tell us this before, and especially before the hideously crowded last few days of term' plus ' I hope you're not going to make a habit out of not telling us important stuff until the eleventh hour even when you've known for months'

[Underhiseye2]

Get another school arranged now. Or look forward to a year of being managed out. Have a frank conversation with them ASAP after the nursey visit, do they recommend you withdraw?

My son was in a non selective ‘inclusive’ prep and we were managed out and it was horrible for everyone. They didn’t want to ask us to leave so they made life hell until we realised it for ourselves. Don’t do it to your son, they are making the same noises.

[Bezm]

That's the private sector for you!
How do you think they get such good results? Academic selection. Your child may have additional needs that will skew their data. I'd send them to a state school nursery. If they need any assessments the school will arrange it. You won't have to pay for a TA. They won't be made to feel like the odd one out.

[Flowershower]

The contracts are written such that you can’t get out but they can usually. I’d not send my child to that school - at the first sign of any issue their response seems to be to get rid rather than ‘what can we do to support this child?’. Have you visited the local state schools? A below average ofsted or results isn’t the be all and end all.

[Chrisinthemorning]

DS is at a pre prep type school- independent non selective primary.
I’m just a parent do don’t know what goes on behind the scenes. From what I’ve seen, they are great with SEN that don’t affect behaviour- dyslexia etc. They have a SENCO and the children get extra attention from her to help. They are also good at emotional problems- divorce etc- very supportive.
If the behaviour is just a little bit of “naughtiness” for want of a better word, they manage this - behaviour charts etc.
They aren’t set up to deal with SEN which need lots of extra attention- you’re right, if your son needs an extra TA you would probably be asked to fund this.
DS was in the nursery year with a little boy with SEN- he really needed 1 to 1 - and school suggested he move for reception as they were worried they wouldn’t be able to meet his needs.
Is this the right school for your son?

[InfiniteSheldon]

That's why they get great results they don't want him there be prepared to be managed out or go before you are pushed. My stepson had an appalling education from a top private school who tried to manage him out but his DM wasn't having it so he just bumbled along til he was expelled during his GCSE year and allowed back for exams only.

[MinaPaws]

expelled in his GCSE year @InfiniteSheldon? That's horrendous. I only know of that happening where a pupil has seriously broken the law. Can they expel pupils for less?

[Allice]

Have a look at other private schools, don't need to be preprep to prep. I work in a private school, we're a through school and non selective the whole way through, we have space for September and would take him in a heartbeat!

Does sound like they're preparing you for not taking him but a nursery visit might change their mind. Do they have a waiting list?

[user1499173618]

Private schools are selective and, if they don’t like the look of a child who hasn’t even started, you should take that as a warning.

My DD went to a lovely but quite academically demanding prep school and children were regularly managed out at 6, when it became apparent after 2/3 years that they weren’t going to cope with the academic demands of the school. TBH that was the right thing for the school to do as it wasn’t set up as an inclusive environment and children who did not meet a certain academic profile did in fact do fine at schools with a less demanding pace.

[LIZS]

Yes the can get out of the contract by sayng they feel his needs will be better met elsewhere and they do not have the resources. If they don't act now they may in a year or two. Have you met the Senco? Ring your LA and find out where there are still state Reception places so you have a back up plan. Other prepreps are probably full now and may have same issue.

[glintandglide]

This happened to a friend of mine, her son was asked to leave a number of schools. The last one insisted they see a family psychologist; that helped a lot (behaviour related) although ultimately they still had to leave.

I think you need to ask for a meeting with them, and also look at other schools

[Needmorewine]

Please please look at another state school. Forget about the ofsted, reputation and what other people might say . Have a look around and see if you could see your child being happy & well supported there. At my (fairly average, largish) school we have had two pupils with some additional needs join from the private sector where there needs were not being met. They have thrived. Give the state schools a ring and just have a chat. At this time of year a few may have availability as waiting lists start to shift.

[InfiniteSheldon]

Allowed back for exams only and yes they can, his behaviour was very poor but they just banked the money and ignored his needs. I think he's dyslexic/dyspraxic bright but frustrated, they thought he was badly behaved

[Sunshinegirl82]

I know nothing about the private system but, if you'd need to send your child to private school for their entire education, could you consider moving nearer a good state school?

[Floradoranora]

OP, that sounds about par for the course and I’m sorry you’re going through it.

Would I want to send my child to this school? No. And just to make it clear I’m not biased against the private system - all of mine were at private schools.

What would I do Now? Well, based on the nursery schools comments and the fact it’s notoriously difficult to diagnose or rule out additional needs at his very young age I think I’d be putting him into the most comfortable setting and having him seen again by the psychologist a little bit further down the line.

He doesn’t need the pressure of being in a school that doesn’t understand inclusion and neither do you. You need to make this easier on all of you and I’d send him to the local school where he wouldnt be one of very few who need a bit of extra understanding.

[VivaRice]

Thank you for your quick replies.

"managing out" is clearly what is going on. Yes, I will start calling other schools and see what they say. I fear they'll also reject DS on the same basis. I need some luck.

NB We were only asked now about the nursery report. And if I'd waited (ie not asked an earlier report from the nursery) for the normal end of year one, all this would have taken place in August?
We didn't set to hide we had sought an assessment but there was time for DS's behaviour to change (and it has) + we had great difficulty finding anyone for a child that young and eventually found someone far from us. So assessment happened but direct intervention had to be postponed because it was simply too far.

It seems seeking help has created problems rather than solved them...

[mrsmuddlepies]

If your son does turn out to need additional support, it will be paid for by the local authority (I think). Support follows the child, even if that means an independent school. Don't worry, I am a teacher and most children settle down and do really well. Targeted support is so much better these days. If you do not feel welcome at the pre prep, look for a different school. Your son should be wanted and valued by his school.
I have a million stories about children who found school initially challenging and then did really well. Educational establishments, including universities, are much better at being inclusive. Send your child to a welcoming state school and perhaps use some of the money you might have used for fees to provide enrichment activities and private tuition.
All will be well. Your son will be fine.

[Floradoranora]

Op, there was a thread a few weeks back regarding the private school approach to additional needs.

It was enlightening and someone backed up their posts with figures.

Hopefully someone can link to it.

It’s a bit nasty in places though but it also contains good information.

[Enidblyton1]

Are there any other private schools near by? We weren’t asked for a nursery report before starting at our pre prep - so you may be able to find one where he could start with a blank slate.

[Seeline]

If looking at other private schools, you need to act quickly. Ours beak up next Friday.

[AveEldon]

Call the council and get on the waiting list for the local state schools

[user1466518624]

I really do feel for you, it has happened to me and it is horrible.

Have you had a trial day or are they just going on reports?

Hard as it is they clearly don’t want your ds but are rotten for leaving it so late in the day to tell you. You need to see the Head and have it out with him as to why they have left it so late.

Feel free to pm if you want to ask more x

[Michaelahpurple]

Re post upstream, I have never heard of anyone having a state funded support in a prixate school. And they aren’t always open to you paying for an extra ta - there often isn’t room as private pre preps are often I. Classrooms what wouldn’t be permitted for state schools

It sounds as though this might blow over asfter the nursery vsisit is the nursery share your view about progress.