Our expenditure is as follows (2 DC at private day schools in London - first half of secondary):
- fees - available on school website and can vary a lot, eg SPGS much higher than the girls day school trust schools. Allow for annual increases.
- uniform - initial outlay for a child is about 300-500, depending on how frequently you are prepared to do washing. You can check websites for more specific prices. Assume it will last 2 years. Replacements can be picked up from second hand uniform sale which everyone uses, and you may be able to hand down between children. Allow maybe 1k in total across the whole of senior school.
- Shoes - allow for a new pair a year.
- Music lessons- not compulsory. You should be able to get prices from schools you are interested in.
- trips - the compulsory trips are fairly limited and tend to be day trips or one night away so on the cheaper end. the language trips (although not compusory) tend to be well attended (say 2 thirds of students doing the subject). Other subject related trips are less well attended (say between quarter and half the year, although this might increase as they go up the school) and pure fun trips (e.g. skiing) might only have a few per year group. With the possible exception of the language trips (given they are well attended), i am not aware that there are loads of students being upset about being left out because they dont go on trips. Nor is there any obvious stigma in not going. NUmber of trips per year varies. Last year one DD went on 3 residential trips (non compulsory) and 2 complusory day trips. Cost was probably in the region of 800-1k in total. Her sister went on 1 day trip and one residential. Cost around 350 in total. This year neither has been on any trips yet and I am only aware of one later in the year for one of them. If you are keen for your DC to go on some trips, maybe allow an average of 500 per year.
6 lunches - included in fees for one DC. Not included for other DC (but cheaper fees). Say 500 a year.
7 Very occasional payment for specific books etc. Less than 50 a year. Plus also art stuff for art/DT projects. Maybe allow 100 a year in total (including stationery)
8 Some social events organised by the school, particularly in earlier years (discos etc) say 10 a pop. Not compulsory.
9 Some parent social events. Say 100 if you go to everything. Some are fundraising. very much not compulsory.
10 Nothing else i can think of school related. In relation to non school things, I dont think private school children have any more need to clothes etc than anyone else. Same re pocket money but there are obviosuly some very wealthy DC who get a lot. I give my DD1 £10 a week (into a bank acocunt with a debit card) and DD2 £5 a week. I exepct this to go up as they get older given changes inthe way they socialise. I do sometimes give my DC the odd extra tenner. Some DC get less. I also pay for their phones and also presents for friends birthdays. Clothes tend to come out of their pocket money, birthday/christmas money and the odd shopping trip funded by me, but i definitely dont buy them more clothes to "keep up" with others at school.
11. No fees for extra cirricular activties at school. Both do a couple of clubs outside school, but cost (or number or type of clubs) not impacted by private school.
12. Family holidays. You really dont want (or need) to get into "keeping up" with others' holidays. There are a lot of wealthy families with second homes etc, and many ex pats who spend a large part of their holidays overseas. DCs do sometimes get a bit of holiday envy when looking at instrgram, but we do have nice enough holidays and DCs know it is life. DD1 is also very good at getting herself invited to friends' villas (we pay flight costs and pocket money). There are, howeve,r also lots of children who dont go on holidays or have pretty basic holidays in this country, because most of the spare income is going on school fees. There are honestly lots of children in this situation and no obvious splitting in friendship groups on a wealth basis.
13 We have never paid for fees or counselling so dont have a feel for costs.
14 Birthdays - again up to you how much you spend on this. DCs have been to some pretty flash parties with expensive activities and others which are just sleepovers with no real costs other than a bit of food. All enjoyable.
I think the 20k a child a year is a bit low for some schools, even on pure school things. One of my DC's fees are around 7k per term (so fees alone are over 20k pa). I would say allow for stated fees plus an extra 1-2k per year and that should deifnitely cover it (altohugh it will be a bit lumpy depending on uniform needs and school trips). Plus also allow for increases.
There will be a small amount of saving for adidtional children, but only if you can hand on uniform. I would not bother discounting for this. So for 3 I would want to be satisfied I could cover £75k pa out of after tax income (and higher if they go to the likes of SPGS!)