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Starting school - traumatised mother!

(22 Posts)
whymummy Wed 04-Aug-04 17:16:56

mrsmom my dd also starts in sept. we got her uniform yesterday and she's really excited,the thing she looks forward the most is having a lunch box,lol,her birthday is in may so she'll start partime till after xmas,i am dreading it partly because she is fearless and i'll be worried sick that she does something stupid and also she's my youngests and i loved being a full time mum,mind you today they're both driving me up the wall and i could happily send them to boarding school right now

Lonelymum Wed 04-Aug-04 17:05:27

MrsMom, I am sympathetic to how you feel. They do grow up so quickly, don't they? I find each new stage hard while at the same time feeling grateful that they are growing up and coping with the new experiences. This is what successful parenting is all about after all: raising our children so they can go out into the world as fully functional people. I know your daughter is young and you could consider holding her back for a term or two but ask yourself this first: are you worried because she is too young to cope or is it just that you want to keep her with you for longer? It isn't really fair to keep her close to you if she is ready and excited about starting school (my third starts in September and is desperate to start and be at "big school" with her brothers).
I think the problem might be that you are anxious about what will happen to you when she is at school. If I were you (and fortunately I still have three years before my youngest starts school) I would be considering what I could do in the next few months, eg go back to work, start a new course, or something. I know that my life at the moment is all about the children and their everyday needs and I suspect yours is too and you are frightened by the sudden gap there is going to be in your days. You don't have to take on full time work, but I should think having a new focus when your dd is settled at school will be beneficial for you.

BlossomHill Wed 04-Aug-04 16:48:17

MrsMom - completely understand how you feel!!!!
My dd is 5 on 31st August and started Reception in Jan this year. If she had been 1 day younger then she would have started in Sept this year. 2 days after her 5th birthday she will be going into year 1! She just seems too young, even her uniform looked so tiny back in Jan although she has grown so much since then.
I felt awful, as though my left arm had been chopped off and it took a few months until I actually got used to it. I am especially enjoying the summer holidays as it means I get to spend quality time with dd and ds. I actually feel like a "proper" mum again.
Your dd will be fine, just as mine was. They do get a bit tired at first but soon get used to it.

malinki Mon 26-Jul-04 15:25:52

Hi, my daughter was born 17th August, she will be 4 in a couple of weeks, on 2nd Sept she will start "big school" and I know I will be very sad, but the school she will be attending has already sent her a letter, saying that they will all have fun and she will meet lots of new friends, they have interviewed both DH, DD and myself about her likes, dislikes, if she needs a teddy to bring, what she can do like copying letters, writing her name etc etc, and finally a couple of weeks ago she met up with her new class with their new teacher and I can say hand on heart that all the children were like "OH MY GOD", that was when we left them and low and behold 2 hours later, we couldn't get her back out of the classroom and she came out hand in hand with another little girl, she was soooooo happy, and thats why I cried she wasn't the threenager I knew and loved she was a little girl with a bag world to explore and all I want to do is be there for her, to share her good times and bad and there will be plenty of both, so what do you do, well I got myself a 19 hours a week, admin and support assistants post at her school, at least I will be there for her a little while longer, but not smoothering her and you know what we both can't wait, Abby (dd) tells people that mummy is starting at my school and when we gave her the school book bag, well her barbies sleep in it and she is always asking when am I getting my uniform, at least she is interested in starting school which is a blessing itself, you'll be fine

shrub Sat 24-Jul-04 20:00:46

my ds1's school gave us the option to defer for a term - is this something you could look into?
though i still don't think i will be ready to let go

firestorm Sat 24-Jul-04 19:47:41

i agree with you wordgirl. my dd (who is only just 5) has just finished (a not so great) reception year. i feel she would of been far better off if she were due to start this september.

wordgirl Sat 24-Jul-04 15:48:01

Ooh, can I join your '4 is too young for school club'! My DS2 is an August birthday and I didn't want him to start school when he was only just four but, as MrsMom says, if I had kept him back he would have had to start in Year 1.
Anyway, he has now just finished Year 4 and although he has 'coped' I still feel he would have done a lot better if he could have started a year later.
If there has to be a cut-off point and they have to be in the right year group for their age then why can't they all start school in the September nearest to their 5th birthday?

boudicca Sat 24-Jul-04 15:32:27

Absolutely!I felt just like you about the formal thing so young(perhaps this was a premonition about the stuff we're dealing with now!)I even considered home ed.
Ditto,the what to do with rest of life,I'm still trying to figure that one out!

roisin Sat 24-Jul-04 15:13:45

My ds2 is a summer birthday and has just finished his reception year. In my thank you note to his teacher I mentioned that I still don't believe that full-time formal education is the best option for most of these 4 yr-olds, (whilst at the same time being very grateful for the care and education he has gained there this year). After school on the last day she came out to say thank you for the wine, and to tell me that she entirely agreed with my comments!

hosta Sat 24-Jul-04 14:11:32

I can really understand your distress. Why does schooling cause such trauma? With my first child due to begin in Sept I have made a complete fool of myself - questioning all at school before we've even begun.Stress, anxiety or plain madness don't think I can face going back.

bunny2 Fri 23-Jul-04 13:32:47

I was going to start a thread like this! I cried last week thinking about my darling little boy starting school in Spetember. He is still my baby and I'd have him with me forever if I could. But, for his sake, he needs to be with other children and to be in a stimulating environment so I have to let him go. It breaks my heart.

Slinky Thu 22-Jul-04 17:10:25

My youngest child starts school in September. She is so excited and although I'm excited for her, I'm a little sad and will miss her terribly

I was just the same with my older 2 - I was terrible with DD1, couldn't even go through the paperwork stuff without crying and now she's about to go into Year 4

She also went away at Easter on her first Brownie Camp (age 8.5) - I didn't feel anxious/upset - I was SO excited for her and incredibly jealous as I always wanted to go on a Brownie Camp when I was younger, but didn't get chance

Haven't thought about what I want to do in the future - have currently lined up extra "voluntary" work at the school to supplement my Open University course that I'm planning - other than that, I'm going to get myself in shape/fitter by doing lots more cycling and plan to swim 3 times a week during the public swim at lunchtime.

When I've chatted to DH about my plans, he thinks I should take a year out, potter about, decide what to do and do stuff for me - bless him

MrsMom Thu 22-Jul-04 16:51:43

I am dreading all the things angelpoppet mentions and feel thisis the first step in a long process of letting go and becoming something other than a Mum. DD is very excited about school and I will make sure that my feeling don't change this. I just feel rotton inside!

daisy1999 Thu 22-Jul-04 14:51:01

It's hard isn't it. My twins went in January and I cried the day before. Dh took me out on their first day, bought me coffee and cake, lunch, and took me clothes shopping. I can't believe now that I was worried about it, they love it. I was like you and worried that they were so young (July birthdays). I'm sure you'll send them anyway but legally they only have to go in the term they are 5. Good luck.

efmach Thu 22-Jul-04 14:33:50

Mrsmom, I'm with you on this one too. My youngest starts school in September and my oldest will be going into Year 6, so lots of changes ahead.
I'm very excited for my kids but I'm also sad and anxious too.
Can't quite believe the patronising and harsh response from angelpoppet.

MrsMom Thu 22-Jul-04 13:47:33

Thanks for all the replies. The school are very flexible about her hours and are happy for her to be half days for as long as needed - so that helps. But if I kept her out of school till she is 5 (ie August '05) she would have to start in Year 1 and I don't think that would be right. I know we have to let them grow up but it's hard! Outwardly I say and do all the right (I hope) things but the anxiety is inside. My Mum was awful at letting me go so I don't want to be the same. I just feel so sad! I think the key is to sort my life out and look into what I can do for myself.

Angeliz Thu 22-Jul-04 13:30:37

angelpoppet, for me these events will all have their heartache for me, doesn't mean i want to baby her forever, just that moving on is hard!

angelpoppet Thu 22-Jul-04 13:16:11

If you feel like this now, how on earth are you going to cope when:-

She goes away on her first school holiday
She moves out of home
Get's married etc etc etc

I know these are all a long was away but they are all natural progressions.

My dd starts school in September and she is a June baby so quite young too. She is so looking forward to being a "big girl at big school"

Unfortunatly, we have to let them grow up - they would end up resenting us if we tried to keep them as babies forever

coppertop Thu 22-Jul-04 13:10:52

My eldest ds starts school in September too. He's a June baby so he will also be one of the youngest in the class. I still can't believe that my 'little baby' is going off to school soon. I'm happy for him as I know he will really like it, but I'm also a little sad for me.

Legally your dd doesn't have to start school until the term after her 5th birthday (September 2005) so you could still wait another year if you feel that she's not ready yet.

Babyannabel Thu 22-Jul-04 13:06:58

I'm with you on this one. Is there any possibility of your dd starting part-time at school. Apparently she is does not legally have to go full time until Easter. It might be worth looking into, either just mornings or another arrangement might be easier for your dd to adjust. It is so hard when they are just so young and potentially starting school with children a year older.

Angeliz Thu 22-Jul-04 13:06:09

My dd starts nursery in September and i feel like that! I'm pregnant with second and i have sat and cryed thinking my gorgeous dd's baby days are ending!
I just try to remind myself of all the fun she'll hopefully have!+++++++++++++++

MrsMom Thu 22-Jul-04 13:04:18

My youngest starts school in September and I'm dreading it! She is an August birthday so is a young one and I feel sad about that. If she had been born 4 weeks later I would have her for a whole extra year. I feel sad that she will be forced into the formal system so young. I will also miss her dreadfully! And I now need to decide what I will do for the rest of my life! - selfish I know! I worked until just over 2 years ago on a very part time based at home flexible arrangement. That is not available any more. My oldest starts secondary school in September which I also feel awful about! He is very excited about it! I will not show them my anxiety about all these things - dark glasses are worn on all potental crying days! Has anyone else felt like this?

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