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Should I keep my child down a year?

(41 Posts)
muminsouthlondon Sun 07-May-17 20:06:39

My daughter is an August baby, in year 5 and I am considering keeping her down a year (so repeating year 5). She is at an independent school and they have allowed this in the past with another child. I haven't asked the school yet as before I do I would love advise from any mums or dads who have done this - pros and cons. Thanks!

qwertyuiopasdfghjkl Sun 07-May-17 20:07:36

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SusannahD Sun 07-May-17 20:12:36

Year 5? Unless she is really struggling then no way. She will already have formed some friendship group. Is there a reason you want to keep her back?

muminsouthlondon Sun 07-May-17 20:31:47

Yes, she is very young in every way compared with her peers (physically, mentally, socially) and struggling academically. If she does not pass an entrance exam in year 6 for entry into the senior school she will have to leave the school - so will have to develop new friendship groups anyway

SaltyMyDear Sun 07-May-17 20:34:33

Is she bottom of her class now?

If she moved down a year will she still be bottom of the class?

Are you confident you'll be able to stay in the private sector for the rest of her schooling?

qwertyuiopasdfghjkl Sun 07-May-17 20:36:04

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RandomMess Sun 07-May-17 20:37:09

Will she be allowed to take her GCSE's out of year or will they expect her to catch up at some point?

LIZS Sun 07-May-17 20:38:42

Unless she is struggling academically or has sen I wouldn't. Could it be that this school isn't the best fit for her?

muminsouthlondon Sun 07-May-17 20:39:00

Yes, she is bottom of the class for key subjects - apart from reading.

TBH I don't know whether she would be bottom of the class if she moved down - I would have to ask the school that.

I am fairly confident she will be able to stay in the private sector for the rest of schooling - though I have thought about her going to a state 6th form.

muminsouthlondon Sun 07-May-17 20:42:42

RandomMess - I don't know the answer to the GCSE question. I would have to ask the school.

LIZS - I have looked at all the local schools state and independent and feel this is the best school for her.

Has anyone on this site kept their child down in primary school? If so, was it the right thing?

GnatsChuff Sun 07-May-17 20:43:56

At my DS school (also independent), they regularly keep August born children down. It has not caused problems with moving to secondary/GCSEs etc. The decision has always been taken well before Y5 though. I think that would be a very hard age to stay back a year. Assuming, like most girls in independent schools do, they move after Y6, she would be watching them all leave and move on while staying back, having to integrate into a new year group. It will be even harder if it is a through school, where she still has her current peers around through to Y13.

Crumbs1 Sun 07-May-17 20:45:12

They'll keep taking your money and not meeting her needs. Sounds like she's really struggling after 5 years of private education. What are they offering to do differently next year? The gap will widen as she gets older and that will give her a horrible message.
Why not move her now into a state year six where there is a broader ability range and where she doesn't feel a total failure?

LIZS Sun 07-May-17 20:46:05

6th forms may not take her out of year. What if she still failed the senior school entrance exam, other schools may well not be willing to accommodate her in year 7 at year 8 age.

muminsouthlondon Sun 07-May-17 20:56:05

Thanks for your advise everyone.

I understand the comments about her watching her friends move up a year without her but I wonder if that would be better than her having to leave her friends completely if she has to leave the school. In my opinion my daughter just needs some more time catch up with the older girls in her class.

I am considering state schools though my daughter is unlikely to fit the criteria for the ones I would be happy to send her to - we live too far away or they are selective, she is not looked after and does not have a sibling at the school.

muminsouthlondon Sun 07-May-17 20:57:03

Good point LIZS about other senior schools

usernjdhkvdgkb Sun 07-May-17 20:58:54

I would love to do this my dd is also in year 5 and a August birthday (youngest in year)

My understanding is that it's not really the parents choice and unless there is some SENDS then this isn't a option unless the school is behind it and push for it.

I would love to be told I'm wrong as I would also like to keep dd back but this is what I have been told

usernjdhkvdgkb Sun 07-May-17 20:59:52

Sorry see it's a private school probably totally different to state

Squishedstrawberry4 Sun 07-May-17 21:06:29

Yes I would do this and know children who have done this

GrassWillBeGreener Sun 07-May-17 21:06:53

I didn't go to school in the UK, and there was a little more flexibility over which year you were in, but friends who repeated a year at around that age did so in conjunction with changing schools.

I'd discuss with her current school in detail, including talking with the senior school directly about what would happen at both year 7 and GCSE times. Consider what the alternative schools are if she doesn't get into the senior school either at current age or down a year, and open discussions with them now too I think. Good luck!

Lowdoorinthewal1 Sun 07-May-17 21:08:50

My DS is August born and in a Prep where summerborn children do sometimes drop down.

If I could go back to the start I think I would probably keep him down before starting Reception. I couldn't now though. He's in Y2 and has well formed friendships and a solid 'place' socially in his year group. He would also be devastated as he would see it as a massive failure on his part.

DS does well academically, but we do quite a bit of extra work with him in the (very long) holidays to make sure he keeps up. Would this be an option for you?

muminsouthlondon Sun 07-May-17 21:15:37

Great advice GrassWillbeGreener!

Yes, Lowdoor she does additional work at home and at school - and is doing Kumon everyday as well to help her catch up with maths.

childmaintenanceserviceinquiry Sun 07-May-17 21:28:34

I have tried for years to be able to get my son to stay down a year. He started in a state school in reception before he was. 4 1/3 because at that time I could delay him by 1 term only. The problems have been never ending. Non stop issues due to his Sen and other undiagnosed needs. When he transferred to an independent school in year 5 I thought they would see sense. Sadly his father fought me tooth and nail on this issue. So here we are nearly the end of year 7 and his NC grades are on average 2c and some 3 a. Yes that's right he is many years behind and the school still will not entertain him being In The year below. That is a specialist dyslexic school in the south of England. The evidence for declassification (that is in layman's terms being put outside the usual year group) is sometimes over 40 years old and even from other countries. It is worthless. I think the school likes the money and his father likes the power. And the child - well not achieving his potential is he? And that is the important point. Will your dd achieve her potential better, in your opinion, by being with a more suitable peer group for her needs? If the answer to that is yes, then you need to fight for her. Best of luck!

SaltyMyDear Sun 07-May-17 21:46:28

I think if she'd still be bottom of the class when moved down, then you definitely shouldn't do it. Because one thing worse being bottom of the class, is being the oldest and the bottom of the class.

I would consider moving her to state, because I bet she would be nowhere near the bottom of the class in a state school.

Also, you have to know why she's bottom of the class now. There is only any point in keeping her back if it'll help. And if you don't know why she's doing so badly now, you won't know if keeping her back will help or not....

There is no guarantee that repeating the same stuff for another year will make it stick. Particularly if there is an underlying problem like dyslexia which is making it harder for her to learn in the first place.....

muminsouthlondon Sun 07-May-17 22:44:17

Hi Childmaintenance, it sounds like you have been through the wringer - so sorry to hear your son's situation despite your efforts.

Salty, there are multiple reasons my daughter is struggling - youngest in the class and not being ready for school lead to loss of confidence and lack of motivation - plus she has mild dyscalculia. Yes, I am definitely considering state schools though she is unlikely to fit the criteria for the state schools I would like her to go to. I also worry with a state school and larger classes that she won't get as much extra help as she is receiving now.

I will speak to the school about this - my head is spinning!

Backingvocals Sun 07-May-17 22:48:14

I have thought about this too (DS end August baby). He's in the state system but if I moved him to private he could drop down a year and then I'm pretty confident he would suddenly be at the top of the class which would do his confidence no end of good. But he's in Y3 already and I think it's a little late for that and he's very well established and happy socially.

I would think Y5 a bit late too.

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