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A bit of advice, I feel a teacher was inappropriate...

(20 Posts)
NedsMissingHead Thu 13-Oct-16 11:24:24

Just after a bit of advice really, a daughter was asked to leave a room by a teacher, when she did so , he grabbed her backpack which was on her back, dragged her back into the room ( she says it was a hard pull and jerked her back and forth) he pulled the bag from her shoulders and threw it to the floor......what would you do, ( if anything?) in my situation?

isthistoonosy Thu 13-Oct-16 11:26:41

How old is she? And why was she asked to leave the room?

I'd prob talk to the school in any case but how I approached it would depend on the answers to the above.

NedsMissingHead Thu 13-Oct-16 11:31:19

She is 11 and just started secondary, she was asked to leave an internal exclusion unit, where she had been sent for a scuffle with a boy that had kicked her, I have no problem with her being punished at all, but I do have an issue with an adult dragging her by her bag, hard enough to rip the bag actually, I have reported this to the school but feel I was dismissed and my daughter wasn't believed.

mouldycheesefan Thu 13-Oct-16 13:51:45

Unless you were there you don't really know what happened your dd could be exaggerating.

ChampagneTastes Thu 13-Oct-16 13:58:32

It is difficult because in the gentlest possible way, you are probably not getting the full story from your DD. That's not to say that it definitely didn't happen but there may be context that you are not aware of that may have made those actions more understandable.

I would approach the school as non-confrontationally as possible and ask to sit down to clarify exactly what happened. If you don't get reasonable answers then I imagine they would have CCTV in that area so you could request to see that.

My feeling is that your DD may have been going to do something she shouldn't have done and was stopped by the teacher who pulled her bag. Not an ideal reaction but possibly not completely unreasonable.

hifi Thu 13-Oct-16 15:18:27

I would be worried more by the exclusion than the bag incident. Shes only just started so not off to a great start.

ThenLaterWhenItGotDark Thu 13-Oct-16 15:22:13

"grabbed" "pulled" "dragged" "threw"

According to your daughter.

Or maybe the teacher was chucking her out, told her to leave her bag behind, she refused so he tried to "remove" it, she objected and moved away, he "insisted" and "put" it back on the floor.

You say tomato, I say tomayto. Etc.

Ask the school what is going on with her behaviour. Then co-operate with them. Whatever they say.

The only person being inappropriate from the sounds of it is your daughter.

mouldycheesefan Thu 13-Oct-16 15:24:20

I if she is already fighting with other kids and being sent to an inclusion unit she has major issues at school and that would be my key concern .

ASheepInWolfsClothing Thu 13-Oct-16 15:25:41

Can I just say, you may not have heard the full story from dd - only you know if she is telling you everything - but not all children lie and not all teachers tell the truth. wink

noblegiraffe Thu 13-Oct-16 15:26:13

A teacher is allowed to physically stop a student from going somewhere they shouldn't. Are you sure she was supposed to be leaving the room? It sounds odd that he'd tell her to leave then pull her back.

I'd ask for a written account from the teacher and any witnesses to try to get to the bottom of what actually happened.

NedsMissingHead Thu 13-Oct-16 18:23:17

Thanks for replies, only just managed to check back, I know I may not be getting the full picture from her, which is why I asked what you would do, she doesn't tend to lie to me, but I do find it odd that a teacher used to dealing with teenagers would lose his temper at a tiny 11 yr old, but her bag is ripped, and I do have to take what she's said seriously.
Her behaviour has been perfect until last week and another boy started bullying her, she's been verbally and physically threatened and hit, been pushed off a table and down the stairs, and has the bruises to show for it, yesterday she lost her temper and hurt him back.

mrsblackcat Thu 13-Oct-16 18:27:46

To be honest, teachers shouldn't be grabbing kids' bags.

I'd ask him for clarification on what happened and don't worry, Mumsnet always insists kids lie.

JoJoSM2 Thu 13-Oct-16 22:09:20

I'm not sure if the teacher over reacted or not as we don't know the full story. However, even if the teacher overdid it, then I'm sure they wouldn't be taking their frustrations out on someone well behaved. You do seem to have a serious issue with your daughter though - it takes a lot more then a scuffle to get excluded + even being in the exclusion unit she wouldn't behave. Given she's only 11, she sounds like a complete nightmare.

MarklahMarklah Thu 13-Oct-16 22:15:25

I'm more concerned that her behaviour is reactive in a situation where she is apparently being physically and verbally attacked. What is being done about the person who has been doing this? What action was taken with regard to the assailant?

Wolfiefan Thu 13-Oct-16 22:21:05

The bag was ripped by the teacher? Or in the scuffle? I would be contacting school for clarification of exactly what did happen. He asked to leave, she complied and was dragged back in sounds odd. I think a stage or several had been missed here.
I would support a sanction of my child for fighting (scuffle?) BUT I would want to know that all the reported incidences she had been a victim of had been dealt with AND how they were planning to keep her safe in future. She is being assaulted and that is completely unacceptable.

UnderTheGreenwoodTree Thu 13-Oct-16 22:28:40

but I do find it odd that a teacher used to dealing with teenagers would lose his temper at a tiny 11 yr old, but her bag is ripped, and I do have to take what she's said seriously.

I agree with you. I would count that as a teacher getting physical with a child, and unacceptable, especially if you are concerned about her being bullied. The whole thing sounds off, tbh.

There will be an escalation procedure and an anti-bullying procedure at the school. You should be able to make an appointment with the Head to discuss both issues.

Stormwhale Thu 13-Oct-16 22:35:00

Why the fuck do posters always assume that the child must be lying. This is a child who is being bullied, not a little brat who is out of control.

In your shoes op I would have a frank conversation with your daughter about the importance of every part of her story being factually correct. I would explain that in the heat of the moment it is hard to get it all right, but that you need to go through it very carefully. I would explain that it is a very serious allegation and what the possible consequences could be. Then I would show her every support in making sure this never ever happened again and that the correct procedures were followed.

Starlight2345 Thu 13-Oct-16 22:39:46

To be honest I would want to know what is going on with the bullying not the teacher...

I think you need an appointment to find out exactly what is going on.

Keeptrudging Thu 13-Oct-16 22:51:00

Why was she taking her bag if she'd only been asked to leave the room? I'm wondering if there was a tussle with the bag if she'd been told to leave it. You do need to go into school, so you can clarify exactly what happened. If a teacher grabbed/pulled her that needs investigated, that's not ok. If your daughter is not telling the truth that also needs dealt with as she's clearly struggling with a lot of things just now.

TheColonelAdoresPuffins Fri 14-Oct-16 10:44:15

Speak to the school and ask what happened.

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