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If you went to private school, and your DC do not...

(53 Posts)
LittleRedChopper Tue 11-Oct-16 18:35:10

what are your reasons and feelings about this?

It is completely beyond our financial reach.
Makes me wonder what exactly did our (DP and my) parents pay for if we aren't among the top earners who can afford this.

noisewithdirton Tue 11-Oct-16 18:42:21

We can't afford it either, I only went for sixth form as parents lived abroad. DH went because originally local schools weren't up to scratch but his parents have never been loaded. I prob would have done as well in a comp and DH failed one of his ALevels! Personally I think if I could afford it comfortably I would do it for the facilities and extra curricular provision and smaller classes but we are lucky to live close to a really good state school. Have considered it for my youngest however as he is a bit of a square peg...

oldbirdy Tue 11-Oct-16 18:49:37

Because I felt adrift from local community (boarding school, moved house while I was there), lonely and isolated in the holidays, my parents became virtual strangers, the entire focus was academic with quite limited options at GCSE and ALevel, very poor and limited careers advice and no input into university choices at all. I want my kids to have friends locally and be part of their community. Our state schools locally are of good quality. I think it's important to know how to get along with people from all walks of life. I have a friend whose son goes to a renowned school. She caught him stealing £100 to buy a t shirt some kid in 6th form was making, because all the other kids were allowed one. I don't want my kids in an environment where spending £100 on a t shirt when you are 13 is that important (yes I know not all schools are like this, but this well known school is full of the mega rich).

QuackDuckQuack Tue 11-Oct-16 19:18:12

We live in a very different area to where we grew up. Where we live far more children go to local state schools and the schools are all comprehensive.

DH comes from an area with grammar schools that his parents weren't confident wouldn't be abolished while he was still at school. I come from an area with high private schooling levels. None of our parents had attended a comprehensive school, so that was alien to them when sending us to school. I've taught in a good comprehensive school, so I am more comfortable with comprehensive education for our DC.

I can only assume that private education was also more affordable when we were younger.

I also work with people with varying educational backgrounds and I can see that mine hasn't made that much difference, I could still have the same career.

Stickerrocks Tue 11-Oct-16 19:27:49

I could afford it, but why on earth would I want to pay when we have a perfectly good state school nearby? I use the spare cash to have a really nice life. DD is bright and gets stacks of extra resources thrown at her by the school, so she has lots of opportunities. We can afford to send her on residentials she fancies and she does a lot of sport outside of school.

She has a great bunch of friends and avoids the rich kids in her year who do drugs, go clubbing etc. I know the peer pressure would be far worse at our local private schools. We have absolutely no regrets about not going private, especially as I see the results of a "privileged" education every day in my career.

LittleRedChopper Tue 11-Oct-16 19:36:01

These are all interesting points.
I do think that the super rich at private schools that I know of are in a completely different league and don't live in the real world.

It's also different socially now, from when we were children too. My parents were telling me that they had to give social references to schools they applied to for us.
People had to be "naice" back in the day.
Now it's all about the money, money money. (one school locally known as White Range Rover Central)

One friend acquaintance was saying that she is super glad that she doesn't have to do all the running around with outside clubs as her child's private school "deals with all of that nonsense"

KarlosKKrinkelbeim Tue 11-Oct-16 19:39:30

My DC go private - small country prep - but I understand why in some areas you wouldn't even if you could afford it. Some of these academic hothouse London places sound like a very costly way of having your children tortured

jellymaker Tue 11-Oct-16 19:47:21

We could afford it for one but not both our DC. I think it was more affordable back in "our day" relative to the other outgoings such as your mortgage - just an observation of people I know with children in private and others in state provision, it has a lot to do with your child, their attitude to education, your attitude to the level of support that you give at home etc that has a lot to do with the outcome. Some children, no matter how much money that you throw at them, will not be that successful academically.

P1nkP0ppy Tue 11-Oct-16 19:53:22

I hated every minute of my private education in an all girls convent school.
I vowed that my children would never have a private education, even assuming I could afford it. I felt that children can succeed without private education (as my two have definitely done) and are well rounded people so it definitely hasn't done them any harm being educated in state schools.

JellyWitch Tue 11-Oct-16 19:54:25

I can't afford it. Simple as that. And the state primary is good.

Ta1kinpeece Tue 11-Oct-16 21:05:50

it wasn't a financial option
and I'm delighted with the outcomes my kids have had from comprehensive state schools

birdsdestiny Tue 11-Oct-16 21:12:58

My in laws were not high earners, they want without to send my dh and his brother to private school. My dh hated it, loathed it and still has never told his parents that. It turned him into a raving lefty.

RaskolnikovsGarret Tue 11-Oct-16 21:15:51

DDs are at a state grammar which outperforms most privates, so it made sense to us. And it's our nearest school, so even better.

neolara Tue 11-Oct-16 21:17:57

Because I want our dcs to be part of their local community. Because their state primary school is fantastic. As an ex educational psychologist, I was adamant I didn't want my very young dcs to go into a super structured learning environment. I think they'll probably do fine academically in the not great secondary and learn all sorts of non academic stuff about how to get on with a wide range of people, which will stand them in good stead for their future. Because I didn't think my very academic but gentle dd would be a good fit for the pushy super selective private school around the corner.

Witchend Tue 11-Oct-16 22:54:01

I went to one. In my are we paid £500 per term.
Here the minimum you're looking at is £3000 per term. If it had gone up in line with inflation we could have afforded it. Unfortunately it hasn't.

riceuten Tue 11-Oct-16 22:58:54

I could have easily afforded it, but would never, ever have done so. Complete waste of time and money. Yes, I went to a private school.

DailyMailPenisPieces Tue 11-Oct-16 23:04:34

Same as you and your DH. I think it is more,about money now than education or occupation of parents.

Badbadbunny Wed 12-Oct-16 09:55:01

My parents weren't "rich", father worked in a shop, mother a secretary, but they scrimped and saved for my brother to go to a private school. Reason being that the state secondary school offer was an awful one next to the worst council estate in town, was well known for assaults, discipline and crime problems, unbelievably poor results, etc. They never intended nor wanted to pay private but felt they had no choice. My mother worked 4 evenings per week on top of her full time day job to pay for it, alongside not having any holidays, running an old clapped out car and living in a run-down house for 5 years! It's not all about being rich - sometimes you feel that you just have no choice!

Alleygater Wed 12-Oct-16 10:01:37

I hated my private school - full of privileged, nasty bullies. Left unable to talk to boys and with self esteem issues that therapy has not entirely resolved.
I also have lefty politics and believe that a two-tiered education system is wrong.
The system can only be changed from within the system, not by withdrawing the brighter, privileged ones.

So - local schools, meeting a whole variety of people, good enough education with family support - the greatest predictor of educational success.

BathshebaDarkstone Wed 12-Oct-16 10:07:36

I went for 2 years in primary, while I loved it and wanted to go to the attached secondary, I think that the DC are doing extremely well where they are.

I don't think DC should go to private school for its own sake, they should go to the school best suited to them.

Salmiak Wed 12-Oct-16 10:08:13

I was sent to board from 7-18. I have a dd who is 6, and it makes my brain melt to even imagine sending her away next year. We considered going private before reception year but we have a lovely state primary 2 minutes walk away and thought we'd try sending her there, and if she was unhappy we would change to a (day) prep school.

She doesn't seem to be being 'pushed' to her full abilities as much as she maybe would at a private school, but she's happy, thriving and enjoying learning. Lots of her school friends live very nearby, and as she's happy I'd much rather put money aside into savings for her and ds than spend it on school fees.

WhirlwindHugs Wed 12-Oct-16 10:08:29

We can't afford it.

Actually I'd be surprused if many of our school friends (both educated privately) can afford it in the end. Housing is so expensive now I think it'll only be friends with trust funds/lots of family help that can afford to send their kids too. Ourselves and our friends are all very well educated, decent jobs etc but not well paid enough to have £20-30k a year lying around!

I wasn't at all bothered initially (I don't think private is necessarily better) but a friends son has a place in an excellent prep school (trust fund) and is getting fantastic SEN support while we struggle with the state systems super slow assesment and funding issues...

I would prefer to have the choice.

Badbadbunny Wed 12-Oct-16 10:15:04

I hated my private school - full of privileged, nasty bullies. Left unable to talk to boys and with self esteem issues that therapy has not entirely resolved.

That can also happen with a state school. I experienced virtually the same and I went to a comp!

JLoTheAstra Wed 12-Oct-16 10:16:10

We could afford it but have decided not to. I came out of private school with straight As and went on to Oxbridge, but I'd been so well taught to pass exams at school that I wasn't used to being an independent learner by uni (and consequently didn't do particularly well).

I also agree about feeling separated from your local community. I remember being so anxious being out and about in my village in the holidays - I thought all the local children were staring at me and whispering. I was too scared to get the bus half the time in case any kids my age got on. Ridiculous really. I want my DC to have local friends and fully be a part of the local community - with confidence!

annandale Wed 12-Oct-16 10:16:28

DH boarded from 8-13 and was adamant ds would go to his local school and have local friendships. He doesn't have a single friend from school - a big group of my friends are school friends. I have been known to have a wobble and look up scholarships online, but thank goodness dh is staunch. It used to be relatively cheaper, of course, but the PILs still ran out of money before senior school. Dh's main feeling was that private school affected family relationships, e.g. he felt permanently guilty about what his parents spent on his education compared to his brother and sister, and at 50+ still does - they used to give him money for school lunches but it wasn't enough and he remembers being hungry most days rather than ever say he needed more. Boarding made it more difficult to communicate with family (though that is probably different now) and he felt under huge unrelenting pressure to achieve academically (the school he went to is known for being academically driven even now). Both of us are happy with his current school, it's not brilliant but it's fine - we do know we are lucky in that way.

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