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DS was the only child in his class who didn't go to grammar/get a scholarship :(

(142 Posts)
KnifesHope Fri 16-Sep-16 14:45:03

DS is doing okay at his new school (state secondary) but feels a bit crap that he was the only one who didn't get a 'better' offer.

There were 15 children in his prep school, 8 went to grammar schools and 6 received scholarships.

The other years, there were normally at least a couple of children who went to a state school/paid to go privately again. I can't believe how many got places!

Oh well, just feel bad for DS sad

troutsprout Fri 16-Sep-16 15:18:38

Did he sit 11+?
Is he still in touch with old prep friends?
I hope he feels happier soon... I guess it's a lot of change all at once

FuzzyOwl Fri 16-Sep-16 15:22:44

I hope he feels better about it soon. Maybe he will look back and see it was the kick that he needed to realise how important education and revising for exams are or maybe he will see that no matter how hard he tried, he would have always struggled if he had got on because his talents aren't academic.

user1471734618 Fri 16-Sep-16 15:22:51

do you mean state grammar schools?
to be honest, if you have not got a 'brainy' kid, then you do not have a brainy kid.
My dd would probably score low on on IQ test, but very high on an EQ test. Therefore she is good at group work and at getting on with people.
Every child has their strengths and we are not all 'blessed' with super brainy kids, despite what you read here.

2014newme Fri 16-Sep-16 15:22:54

Couldn't he have gone to the same school as the ones that got the scholarship?

KnifesHope Fri 16-Sep-16 15:38:31

His school decides who would suit a grammar school, DS wasn't one of them. So he wasn't accepted into the 11+ after school classes, which is fair enough.

The children with scholarships went to all different private schools, there wasn't 2 at the same school. The state school he is at is outstanding and a really good school, so there was no point in sending him private for secondary, especially as there wasn't 1 school that most children went to.

2014newme Fri 16-Sep-16 15:45:15

Struggling to see what the benefits were of the prep school, they basically haven't prepped him for anything you could have saved the fees!

KnifesHope Fri 16-Sep-16 15:48:38

They have smile he plays 4 sports that he now competes in, he can play 2 instruments, he received Level 6 SATs results smile I'm very proud of him and think the prep school has made him very confident!

LIZS Fri 16-Sep-16 15:49:52

His school decides who would suit a grammar school, DS wasn't one of them.

Really, you had no say? Was he selective material or is he happier in a less pressured environment. I'd question what he may have gained from the prep tbh. Could he try at 13+ if you feel he has missed out? Or did he sit the same 11+ entry and not pass?

theknackster Fri 16-Sep-16 15:50:18

Hopefully the school he's at is the right school for him. There was no 'better' offer, really.

He'll also make much better friends at secondary (fingers crossed) than at his prep school, with the larger pool of potential friends.

KnifesHope Fri 16-Sep-16 15:51:48

No, I didn't have a say. DS is awful under pressure, in all fairness the prep school said they would work with him after school for sports scholarships, etc. as sports is the only thing he doesn't get too stressed over, but DS was then diagnosed with anxiety.

I think it was the right thing, I'm just as bit sad for him, as I know he feels crappy because of it.

bibbitybobbityyhat Fri 16-Sep-16 15:52:14

Sorry that his private primary education didn't provide the results you wanted. PE can be a gamble like that.

WomensNet Fri 16-Sep-16 15:52:21

I thought prep schools didn't do SATs? Anyway, I don't understand how a boy achieving level 6 SATs was felt to not be right for grammar school? I think the prep failed you there.

KnifesHope Fri 16-Sep-16 15:54:29

Yes, we did SATs privately. Which the school can prepare for. He wasn't right for it due to the pressure.

Bibbity, what?

TinklyLittleLaugh Fri 16-Sep-16 15:55:24

Surely a child with level 6 SATS is bright enough to pass the 11+?

KnifesHope Fri 16-Sep-16 15:56:39

But they look at more than just who is intelligent, they look at who would cope in that setting, IYSWIM?

2014newme Fri 16-Sep-16 15:59:01

Did the school teach the sats? Or were you paying privately for that on top of the school fees?

BombadierFritz Fri 16-Sep-16 15:59:02

i'd be pretty cross with that prep school, although you could have prepped him at home for grammar as well. he only needed to do a few practice tests. a level 6 child would be a fair indicator of it being worth trying the entrance exam. oh well, I suppose thats the thing, your ds cant hav e it both ways. he didnt want the pressure, understandable, and so he isnt at grammar. he will soon settle in. all you can do I suppose is stress that this was his choice.

WomensNet Fri 16-Sep-16 15:59:23

I can understand what you mean, with the anxiety etc. That's a red flag there to not follow the galloping horse to grammar. Your DS will thrive better in a much less pressured environment, by the end of term he would have made new friends and got used to the new much less pressured routing. The significance of his friends scholarships will wane with time, once he settles in and is focussing on other things. You made the right decision.

funfunapple Fri 16-Sep-16 16:00:16

I think you need to get over it and it sounds a bit like you've out your angst on to him. Why on earth did you pay to take SAT's privately? That's one of the strangest things I've heard.

In the meantime you have said that he's at an outstanding school, that's the key thing. Stress to him that he's lucky to gd somewhere so good and if he did finish year 6 on a level 6 then he's going to be one if the high achievers in the year and encourage him to celebrate being near the top and build his confidence that way

BombadierFritz Fri 16-Sep-16 16:00:18

honestly though, that prep school have told you a load of nonsense if they looked at 'who would cope'.

NerrSnerr Fri 16-Sep-16 16:00:21

I'm a bit confused, I thought that parents apply for the 11+? Couldn't you have just done some prep with him and let him sit it. Why didn't the school think he was suited for grammar?

WomensNet Fri 16-Sep-16 16:00:47

If OP's DS has a diagnosis of anxiety, then the prep school were acting responsibly and with due care to advise OP not to enter her DS on this path.

KnifesHope Fri 16-Sep-16 16:02:17

No, school gave DS different paper practise for 11+, so he didn't sit their papers. I didn't pay for tutoring.

Well, I listened to the prep school about who would cope, they give me reports on how he is at school, so they know how he responds to school stress.

KnifesHope Fri 16-Sep-16 16:03:13

Gah, I didn't mean 11+! I meant SATS

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