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Negative attitude towards dd as she's not going to 'Feeder' Secondary.

(11 Posts)
OkLumberjack Tue 05-Jul-16 09:13:12

I've NC for this because I've talked about Secondary Schools in my area quite often and don't want people to recognise me.

I think this post is just about having a bit of a rant (and wondering if anyone else has had similar)

My dd attends a primary school that is literally a minute down the road from a secondary. Because of this the schools have strong ties and our primary is naturally a 'feeder' for it. While it's not the worst school in the world, it's by no means the best and it's often listed in our local paper as being one of the worst in our city.
So when we chose secondary schools last October, dd and I looked round loads of schools (including the feeder one). We eventually applied for and got a place at a different school just a bit further away.
Since then I've had lots of negatives comments from parents who didn't look anywhere else and believe the children should all attend the feeder secondary. Many of the parents attended this school themselves as children. I've had comments in the playground asking me to explain why she's going elsewhere, what didn't I like about the Feeder school, I've had passive aggressive texts telling me they are 'sorry' for my decision, that my child is no longer a part of the community. I've had people FB message me with anecdotes that their cousins, sister's friends nephew went there and it was awful etc. They could tell me horror stories etc.

It subsided for a while, but now little comments have started again.

I'll admit I'm a bit like a sponge who takes in a lot of people's views. I have suffered from anxiety in the past but I'm pretty sure, or was sure, that I'm better now. However this transition to secondary school is flipping me out and these people aren't helping. My dd seems fine with it all. It's not really her that gets the comments (although a few children have been a bit catty).

I know in the scheme of things this doesn't matter one bit and she'll be leaving in a few weeks. However my son is in Y5 soon and I really don't want to experience this again.

Has anyone else had this? It's like some kind of reverse snobbery and/or pack mentality. I just cannot understand why they give a shiny shit where my child goes to school??

(Rant over. Thanks for that I feel better nowgrin)

misscph1973 Tue 05-Jul-16 09:49:40

That's horrible. I can't believe that people aare questioning your choice. My DD is also going to the "next" local secondary school. I chose this other school because their exam results are better and they have more than one foreign language.

I must admit I don't bring it up in conversation with other parents if I can avoid it. I am worried that I would imply that the school I chose is better, and I don't want to offend anyone. But I can't believe that you are being told off for your choice. It's totally reverse snobbery. I would not want to have anything to do with people like that, it's mean and petty.

GerdaLovesLili Tue 05-Jul-16 09:53:03

The crab bucket mentality is a horrible thing.
You are doing the best for your child, so the only answer you can give (if you really feel you need to defend your choice) is "I am doing what I think is best for my child, presumably you are too".

Felco Tue 05-Jul-16 09:54:47

I think this shows you have made absolutely the right choice for your dd. All the very best in her new community.

OkLumberjack Tue 05-Jul-16 10:01:22

Thanks all. I honestly haven't brought it up in conversation because I suspected I'd get a backlash but people have actively asked/contacted me. I'm finding it all a bit weird and quite stressful. I'm trying to blank it all out and grit my teeth.

Because I'm worried about it all anyway (took me ages to choose a school etc) it's not helping.

It's good to know I'm not alone in my thinking though grin.

Iamthegreatest1 Tue 05-Jul-16 10:04:40

You absolutely do not need to justify/explain to anyone why you've chosen a different school. Who do these people think they are? How I wish I got these type of questions at ds's schools...anyway, just tell them air's cleaner! And oh! DD is still going to be part of the community, she's going to the school further up the road not flying to Mars.

Iamthegreatest1 Tue 05-Jul-16 10:07:34

Don't engage.(nothing like leaving nosy busy bodies seething and wondering if you got their message)
Delete every single text.
Suspend FB account.
These people clearly don't have a life.

Icouldbeknitting Tue 05-Jul-16 13:21:54

You have made a different choice to them and that makes them question the validity of their own choice.It isn't a wrong/right decision though, different schools suit different children and that's all there is to it. My experience is that it knocks off once they've actually started in September and have better things to think about.

I stopped going to the Co-op after I'd been caught too many times by people wanting to ask whether it was true that DS hadn't got in to the same school as their children had. They were all sweet and dripping with fake sympathy right up to the point when I said that he hadn't got in because we hadn't applied. After that it got frosty quickly. I ended up with a stock line of "They are all different aren't they and we thought it would be a setting that would suit him better". I also did teeth gritting and massive rants about "that bloody woman" once I got home.

alltouchedout Tue 05-Jul-16 13:30:19

How odd! I know my mum and dad got some snide comments from people we knew when they realised I was going to the local comp and that they had not even considered the town's private school, but tbh the people who made those comments were so ridiculously snobby and up themselves that it would have been more of a surprise had they said nothing, and they weren't people whose opinions my parents valued anyway. But there was nothing on the scale you are dealing with. Isn't it sad when people have so little confidence in the decisions they have made that they have to go outo of their way to try and discredit yours?

AnotherUsernameBitesTheDust Tue 05-Jul-16 13:35:34

I've had the same as I sent my DC to a different school than the catchment secondary.

It's weird because loads of them went round the open evening slagging the school off, saying how awful it was. And then sent their kids there and I get all the questions about why it isn't good enough for my children! I told them the final decision was down to my kids and that's the school they chose.

Ignore them. My kids have done really well at their school, so it was the right decision for us.

Badbadbunny Tue 05-Jul-16 15:22:40

Yep, got that here also, but not too bad because our primary's feeder comp was pretty dire, so DS's school friends went all over the place, to 10 or 11 different schools. Inverse snobbery and jealousy is really awful. Don't blame me because you couldn't be bothered to research all your options and spend the time going around the open days for the others! If you take the lazy option, you make your bed and lie in it!

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