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Does this message from a teacher sounds inappropriate?

(36 Posts)
Zoe8998 Sat 21-May-16 21:39:37

My daughter was in a prep school last year,
She was then 12 years old. Before her exam, I received a meesage from her tutor, his message is as follows:

"To my lovely xx (my daughter's name) . Pass on my best wishes to her and tell her to enjoy herself this week.

Best wishes,


FireandBrimstone Sat 21-May-16 21:47:30

Hmm yes, does seem a kind of inappropriate tone. Mind if I ask why is this on your mind now?

igglepiggleisanarsehole Sat 21-May-16 21:51:58

Definitely not appropriate

LittleHouseOnTheShelf Sat 21-May-16 21:53:45

It depends on the context, DD got a message from her (female) tutor before the 13+ exam, it was sent to my phone as a text and that was fine. The message you got doesn't sound at all appropriate.

apple1992 Sat 21-May-16 22:01:00

I think it depends on the context. The xxxx's seem inappropriate. Is sending texts commonplace at the school? We have used texting with a few families and would certainly sent something similar (ie. Good luck with interview/exam) to the parent (definitely not to the child). But not with any kisses!

Without more context, I'd say a thoughtful text but teacher is putting herself in a vulnerable position saying 'lovely' and 'xx'

Drinkstoomuchcoffee Sat 21-May-16 22:01:36

The "my lovely" bit sounds inappropriate. But the message was sent to the parent's phone with a request to pass it on - not directly to the child. So I would not have read too much into this. Is there a particular reason you are concerned about this a year after the event?

pasbeaucoupdegendarme Sat 21-May-16 22:05:53

I wouldn't be concerned. Especially as it was sent to your phone, not hers. It's just good wishes from a teacher who was fond of her.

I also think people are overthinking the kisses. It is pretty commonplace these days to sign off with kisses - whether you like it or not is another thread really.

SanityClause Sat 21-May-16 22:06:19

Don't people use lovely to mean things other than good looking?

I would have thought they meant a lovely personality, in the case of a teacher referring to a child.

I often tell people my DD's boyfriend is lovely. I mean that he is kind and respectful, fun and interesting. I don't mean I find him physically attractive!

MrsKCastle Sat 21-May-16 22:07:13

Strange tone to set. The thought is kind, but I would have thought it should be worded more appropriately e.g. Please send x my best wishes for her exam, I hope she is not worrying too much.

apple1992 Sat 21-May-16 22:08:46

I also think people are overthinking the kisses. It is pretty commonplace these days to sign off with kisses
Seems to be, but still feels inappropriate from a teacher? Parents however, seem to regularly reply to texts from school ending with several kisses!!

wonkylampshade Sat 21-May-16 22:11:35

I would not be happy about a message like that from a teacher.

It's totally inappropriate imo and he shouldn't have sent it.

SlowJinn Sat 21-May-16 22:16:39

Is he signing off with kisses though? Or is the OP using xx as a way of referring to the teacher's name? After all she refers to her daughter as xx at the beginning of the message.

If there's no kisses, then it's not an inappropriate message and lovely can mean all sorts of complimentary things, not necessarily the way the child looks.

catkind Sat 21-May-16 22:40:27

Tutor outside school or like a form tutor from school? Outside school tutors sometimes have a more family-like relationship. From a school teacher it would seem odd to me.

k1ngf1sher Sat 21-May-16 22:50:05

To me, it seems like the OP is using the xx in place of the names

lougle Sat 21-May-16 23:02:39

But the message is to you, the parent. So the message actually reads:

"To my lovely "Rachel"
Pass on my best wishes to her and tell her to enjoy herself.

Michael xx

The 'xx' isn't addressed to the child, but to the parent, because the body of the email is a message to be passed on. There isn't anything remotely suspect about it because it is openly sent to her parent as an appropriate adult filter. 'xx' is a common sign off and can be almost reflexive.

If you're worried about it all you have to say is 'tutor sent a message to say good luck!'

Zoe8998 Sat 21-May-16 23:10:59

Thank you to everyone for your comments. The xx were used to blank out the teacher's name and my daughter's name. The reason this is still in my mind after a year is because my daughter had trouble since he became her form tutor, he was also the deputy head of the school. I just always thought that was inproper language to address a pupil.

apple1992 Sat 21-May-16 23:12:45

What sort of trouble?

Agadooo Sat 21-May-16 23:26:22

So there were no kisses in the message and it was sent to the parent not the child-dont see the problem -what sort of trouble OP?

noblegiraffe Sat 21-May-16 23:51:45

I'm a teacher and there's no way I would address a pupil as 'my lovely X'

Maybe a class, but not an individual. It's too open to misinterpretation. I guess he thought it would be ok going via the parents but it's not, it's still weird. Did he send the same message to everyone? (In which case he's a tit?) or just your DD (in which case he's overstepping the boundaries)?

Waitingfordolly Sun 22-May-16 08:59:06

I also think lovely is completely inappropriate, it doesn't matter how he meant it, it's how a teenage girl might interpret it that is important, which could be many ways and he is not in control of that.

Waitingfordolly Sun 22-May-16 09:00:48

Actually of course it does matter how he meant it too but even if it was "innocent" he is not in control of how it is received.

RidersOnTheStorm Sun 22-May-16 09:03:56

I'm Welsh and used to address my pupils as, "my lovely". I can't see any harm in the message at all. Overthinking. Poor man tries to be positive and encouraging and gets a load of shit.

Glad I'm not teaching any more.

VocationalGoat Sun 22-May-16 09:09:50

Exactly what Riders said. Though I am not a teacher.

exLtEveDallas Sun 22-May-16 09:21:21

I am very friendly with a Year One teacher who calls all her pupils "my lovely" (as in "Hello my lovely, how are you today?") and a HT who calls the children "lovely boy" and "lovely girl" (as in "Good morning lovely boy, what have you got for me there?")

I don't think it's inappropriate at all. Maybe other posters do due to age or the fact the teacher is male. Would the message have been more appropriate if the teacher was female?

noblegiraffe Sun 22-May-16 09:24:03

Lovely is fine in Y1, not so much for secondary age.

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