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Teacher bruised my son's arm ..........

(38 Posts)
Galaxy Mon 24-May-04 12:47:49

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jimmychoos Mon 24-May-04 12:52:45

Galaxy that sounds terrible. Whether your son had permission to leave the room or not she shouldn't have been physically rough with him. I would actually go and talk to the HM, I think to send a photo and letter seems more confrontational than sitting down in a meeting to discuss what has happened and give both sides a chance to put their points across.

twiglett Mon 24-May-04 12:53:40

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Flip Mon 24-May-04 13:03:07

I'd speak to the headmaster. Our school have an open door policy and he wants to know straight away so things can be resolved. None of the teachers are allowed to man handle the children unless it's to stop them being in imminent danger.

My dad works at the school and he was accused by the parents of a child he'd had to yank back from infront of a car outside of school of man handling their child unneccesarily. The head master backed my dad up and he said he'd do the same again regardless.

But these things are better talked about sooner rather than later. I'd call the head master now and ask if you can make an appointment to see him. He'll probably want to know what it's about and will probably be very concerned and want to see you straight away.

Hope things get resolved.

Galaxy Mon 24-May-04 13:04:39

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Flip Mon 24-May-04 13:11:46

You do it because you care Galaxy. It doesn't matter that you're his stepmum. Obviously you're important to.

Hulababy Mon 24-May-04 13:12:52

This sounds terrible Galaxy and as if the teacher is out of order. TBH as a teacher we are recommended not to touch a child at all, let alone grab at one - if nothing else to protect yourself. I am really sorry that your DS has had to deal with it all.

I do think you need to speak to the school BUT I think you should maybe speak to someone higher up or wiat least with another memeber of staff present. I would also take your photo wth you. And simply ask for it to be explained (rather than going straight in acccusing IYSWIM).

I would phone up ina advance too and ask for meet at a mutually convenient time - ask to speak to the Head on the phone, not just the secretary - so you aren't fobbed off, and you can state the matter to him/her direct - rather than to a 3rd party (gossip and all that!) At least then the head can do some research or ask the class teacher to be present, and you kwow that at theat time you'll have the head's complete attention without other distractions happening.

robinw Mon 24-May-04 13:12:57

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Galaxy Mon 24-May-04 13:18:08

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robinw Mon 24-May-04 13:18:17

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Hulababy Mon 24-May-04 13:22:22

Galaxy - forget to mention this in first message, but when you speak to the Head or teacher I really wouldn't mention about the other child being hit. Unless you actually saw it happen then I think that has to be put to one side in this circumstance.

I actually do think that this is worth persuing though. If this teacher has a problem (and yes, some do, espcially in today's school emnvironments sadly) then it needs nipping in the bud and sorting now before any other problems happen.

Oh, and yes - do have a word with your DS to reiterate what he shpuld have done and why what he did do as wrong, and tell the Head that you have done this and that you dont expect him to get no punishment at all, but that is should be appropriate and non physical.

Coddylicious Mon 24-May-04 13:22:35

I would take your soen word with ahuge pinch of salt - i am NOT saying the events may not be true but IME kids tended to exaggreate or propagate rumour to parents who wouldnt accpet that their kids *MAY* lie!

Coddylicious Mon 24-May-04 13:23:51

agree with Hula AND donot sdiscuss with other parents

Galaxy Mon 24-May-04 13:38:10

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robinw Mon 24-May-04 13:38:47

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Coddylicious Mon 24-May-04 13:39:34

and is it resolved G?

Hulababy Mon 24-May-04 13:42:26

Hope all goes well Galaxy, keep us posted. Schools and teachers *can* do good and help sort things out in these curcumstances and it really doesn't have to be confrontational. But, I now I keep stressing it, it really is important that the matter is discussed and sorted out one way or the other - it has to be investigated to ensure this teacher isn't losing the way or in need of help int he classroom - incase something worse happens.

Sorry robinw - but regardless of the matter I really don't think a teacher should grab at a child and certainly not with enough force to cause a bruise. That is why I really do feel it needs discussing and sorting out.

Galaxy Mon 24-May-04 13:48:18

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robinw Mon 24-May-04 13:48:26

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Galaxy Mon 24-May-04 13:50:20

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Galaxy Mon 24-May-04 13:51:53

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robinw Mon 24-May-04 13:52:39

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dottee Mon 24-May-04 14:07:54

Galaxy - I've just come from a morning at dd's school where I've been with my 'governor's hat' on as an advocate for a parent. I totally agree with Hulababy here. Approach the Head informally and take it from there. This morning's issue could have blown up but we all sat round (parent, grandmother, Head, teacher, me!) and we worked it out to everyone's satisfaction.

I totally agree with just sticking to the issue's concerning your child and it will be better if you can furnish evidence e.g. photo.

It's worthwhile taking into account that since the Victoria Clambie (sp?) enquiry, child protection has become paramount to all agencies including schools, therefore, you should be taken seriously.

Galaxy Mon 24-May-04 14:08:59

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Hulababy Mon 24-May-04 14:11:29

Don't want an arguement here, especially as off topic, but I don't agree witht he girl/boy issue here. IMEE at schools - seocndary albeit - the girls are just as likely, if not more so, to exagerate stories. And they often tend to stik together more and back up their stories. I have found the biys more likely to cave in and tell the truth much more quickly when questioned, espeically if on their own when asked more about it. As I said though, a side issue and this is just *MY* observations, not a general view.

Twinkie Mon 24-May-04 14:15:17

robinw - I think it is the other way around with regards to kids and telling the truth - my daughter and lots of her friends are proper little drama queens, whereas all the little boys I know seem to be able to tell the truth without embelishments a lot easier.

Look at all the male teachers whohave been accused of inappropriate behaviour and sometimes rape by girls - think your generalisation is unfair and sexist and I hope other people don't think like this!!

And as someone who has met Galaxy's DS I have to say out of all the 11 year old boys I have ever met he seemed honest, level headed, caring and trustworthy and not someone I would ever think would lie about something like this - he is sensible enough to understand the magnitude of his accusations!!

jampot Mon 24-May-04 14:16:06

If it were one of my children, I would make an appointment to speak to the HM (although ours is crap and would definitely take side of the teacher regardless). I think that your concern for the teacher potentially losing the plot is valid and you should bring this up (although maybe not in those words - stress is usually a good keyword) with the HM. There's no need to be confrontational (as you obviously don't want to be) but your son shouldn't have been grabbed/other child hit regardless. Good luck and let us know. If you're not happy with the HM comments can you write to the Governors.

dottee Mon 24-May-04 14:23:01

To back up what I was saying about child protection being a 'hot topic' at the moment see this

Galaxy Mon 24-May-04 14:25:19

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smellymelly Mon 24-May-04 14:36:06

robinw - I think you are being a little out of order. What exactly is your experience, ie. how many children have you researched?? Just because one child seems to be good at lying, doesn't mean it is because they are male or female. It depends on the child, just as it would depend on the person when they are older.

Galaxy knows her own child, and has a duty to protect her child from any kind of wrong doing, which she is only trying to do the right way. It is not like she has gone in all guns blazing, accusing this teacher of beating her son.

I have been in a situation when I witnessed a nursery worker pull a child over roughly, by the arm, and he fell to the ground, just because he was turning round trying to make himself dizzy (not allowed to do this there, even though we think it is funny at home, I do understand that they have to have different rules at nursery, that is not the point here, it is just that I thought what the carer did was inappropriate).

I know his Mum so I told her but she didn't want to do anything about it. But if is was my child I would not be at all happy. I did in fact report the incident immediately to the boss, and I think she may have been spoken to but that was it.

Piffleoffagus Mon 24-May-04 14:59:37

I know your ds Galaxy and I know mine very well, I always but always take his side until I know otherwise. I am aware that my ds is not perfect - I too have an airhead who forgets rules etc from time to time, just thinks ooh I'll just whizz and do this...
It is unacceptable for a teacher to restrain a child in that manner, unless he is in danger. Better to tell him he is trangressing, and let it be dealt with later as disobedience.
I would appraoch the head also, in a fairly direct manner, but asking for some further clarification on the teachers beaviour and how he/she saw it.
I think on instinct you know something is not right with the teacher, so it does bear investigating, it may not come down to right or wrong but it needs an explanation.
I think RobinW assuming that your ds is lying or mistaken to be ill advised until further enquiries are made.
I woudl always trust my child when he told me something like that. ALWAYS

Jimjams Mon 24-May-04 15:09:50

My son does get yanked about a bit by his LSA, teacher and MTA (and me come to that) as he has to. For example when I went to pick him up at lunchtime his poor MTA was trying to get him to stand in line and he was practically pulling her arm out of its socket trying to run away. When I dropped him off his LSA had to drag him in (as he thinks its hilaruiously funny to run off- I drag him to her, and she drags him in- then he runs to the classroom laughing). He's always covered in bruises and I suspect some may come from handling, I know that I have bruised his arm on accasions.

In this case I kind of agree with Robinw and coddy- get to the bottom of what happened first. If she did yank him back in then she shouldn't have, but kids do exaggerate and its worth being sure of what went on. If he had a broken arm or massive bruises then it would be a different matter, but I think its important to establish what exactly happened first- and give her and any other adults present a chance to say what happened without having to be on the defensive.

Jimjams Mon 24-May-04 15:13:18

oh I didn't see the girl/boy stuff. Really must read thew whole thread before posting! IME many children exaggerate- wouldn't equate it with lying though.

Anyway see the head, express your concerns, but be careful not to make accusations. Also your son may have been yanked, then noticed the bruise but the 2 aren't necessarily linked. I think it would be useful to ask the head to talk to any other adults present privately as well.

cazzybabs Mon 24-May-04 15:56:46

Galazy - any news? Hope your dh has managed to sort it out.
As a teacher it is tempting to grap a child - well I am tempted anyway to stop them doing something, catch their attention, but I just wouldn't for this very reason. Lucky you seem very nice and hopefully will listen if the teacher has a good explanation!
Was your step-son alright after his head incident and tooth losing and bruise?

Galaxy Mon 24-May-04 16:58:06

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Galaxy Mon 24-May-04 17:14:20

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Hulababy Mon 24-May-04 17:22:20

Glad you are getting to the bottom of it all Galaxy, and that the school was able to help you get the story straight too.

I still think the teacher was a bit daft to grab him so tightly to cause a bruise. IMO best to not touch and to call for assistance, unless realy danger of escaping to quickly. But then again I do secondary so a bit different, and some of the kids I teach may well turn round and hit back anyway!!!

jampot Thu 27-May-04 23:42:01

If he had a bang to the head Galaxy, and said he felt ill, why wouldn't they call his dad?

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