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DD keeps flashing at school.

(25 Posts)
Sweetsecret Tue 12-Jan-16 10:19:47

Okay, my DD (5) keeps showing her knickers or more to a little boy in her class! I have been pulled aside by teachers about it before. And again she did it yesterday. I asked her why and she said he asked me to and I wanted to make him laugh! I have always taught her the pants rule etc.
But I don't know what to do anymore. Her dep head said it's probably just a phase, but it is getting her (along with the boy)into trouble and today she has to spend all play time and lunch in the head teachers office.
Anyone else felt with this? The first few times I told her to stop but thought it's just a phase etc. But now she is getting into trouble over it, it's bothering me.
She just thinks it's funny and likes to make the other kids laugh, so will moon them or flash her knickers! Help me!!!

Sweetsecret Tue 12-Jan-16 10:25:40

Delt not felt!!!!

marvik Tue 12-Jan-16 10:26:53

Does the school have the option for girls to wear trousers? (In my city, this is the norm as many female children would not wear short skirts for religious reasons.)

Wearing trousers - or at the very least thick tights - is also a sensible option at this time of year.

I think girls are in a difficult position. On the one hand they are told to wear short skirts. On the other hand they are told to behave modestly. So the rules are a bit daft, and it doesn't surprise me that some children will react as your daughter does.

JellyTotCat Tue 12-Jan-16 10:28:02

Is she not bothered about getting into trouble and having to spend play and lunch break in the head's office?

InternationalHouseofToast Tue 12-Jan-16 10:32:42

Can you ask the teacher to ignore this and to call children away if they show signs of reacting to her? I suspect this will die a natural death if she gets no attention, good or bad, for doing this.

and maybe send her to school in a swimming costume under her clothes

Sweetsecret Tue 12-Jan-16 10:33:41

Yes, she seems to be bothered by it. She went into school a bit glum this morning knowing she couldn't play out. She wears thick tights under her pinafore (they don't have an option to wear trousers) she just seems to think it's funny as obviously when she does it she gets a laugh from her mates. I had a very serious talk with her last night about it should never happen again, I just don't understand why she feels flashing is normal! She's really well behaved otherwise. The little boy flashes her too, it seems to be just those two, she doesn't do it with any of her other friends.

Sweetsecret Tue 12-Jan-16 10:35:26

Yes! I did think that ignoring her was the best approach but they seem to want to punish. Which is fair enough. But I think the attention she gets might be making her do it more.

marvik Tue 12-Jan-16 10:42:23

I'd ask for a meeting with school.

If she's meant to be listening or working, then it's not a good idea for her to be playing/messing about.

But from what you say it sounds as if she's 'covered up' with her thick tights etc. She isn't actually taking clothes off, exposing her genitals etc. So it's not real flashing/exhibitionism - just a form of play.

So I'd say the school's focus - and perhaps yours? - should be on ensuring she pays attention and gets on with her work.

Greenleave Tue 12-Jan-16 10:57:14

My daughter used to do it too or found it really funny when there was a boy in her class always saying and making "shake my boogyy"(then hold onto their boobs and pretend they were Lady Gaga. I was upset and ver strict and try many many ways to explain to her and tell her that it wasnt funny or ok. That was couple of years ago and now she is 8 I still have problem to remind her all the time that she is a girl she needs to behave like one. For Eg last weekend we went to a friend for dinner she was upside down on the sofa so her dress pulled down to her nake, she wears tights and hasnt had her boobs yet but still it was so embarrassing and she didnt realise that it was. I dont know what else I need to do apart from constantly/gently remind her anytime it happens, hopefully she will get it oneday. She plays with boys more so her personality isnt really girly type. You wont be able to notice it if you see her as she has a very sweet and girly face, very long hair etc but her action just isnt

Sweetsecret Tue 12-Jan-16 11:29:36

She is apparently doing it at playtime and lunchtime. It's almost a game she plays with this boy kind 'you show me yours i'll show you mine' type thing.
I know it's perfectly innocent but she really needs to stop doing it.
She doesn't do it at home, she isn't a massive exhibitionist, she was when she was a toddler but not so much now.
She has pulled her tights and knickers down then flashed him on request! I just don't know how to deal with it. Come down on her or deal with it gently? I do want to be ashamed of her body but also she needs to understand she can't flash her privates to anyone who asks her to.

Sweetsecret Tue 12-Jan-16 11:31:20

I know what you mean about feeling embarrassed greenleave. I feel like the teacher's think I am letting her do this type of thing at home, when I don't. I was mortified yesterday when I was pulled aside yet again.

Sweetsecret Tue 12-Jan-16 11:32:07

Don't want not do want.

Greenleave Tue 12-Jan-16 12:16:20

To be honest I havent had an answer for you but just wanted to let you know it will get better. We are Asians so we are very strict too and I really wanted to burry my head everytime she does it infront of my friends, family. At the same time I tried not to tell her too much. One small example that many many time I see her carry the boys in the class at the school playground around. Carrying them on her shoulder or her arms...or last Sunday she said"mommy abc did this really funny at school.." Then she shoke her bum but to me it wasnt funny.

What I have been trying to do is everytime when we saw someone acting lady like, I secretly tell her to watch. Similar to anytime sge is being funny I tell her off(at the sane time trying my best not to embarrass her) and later in ar home explain to her more why it wasnt ok or why she shouldnt have done it. She is a very pretty girl with cute/sweet face but the actions have shown so otherwise...

Sweetsecret Tue 12-Jan-16 13:47:31

Good tips greenleave thankyou. I don't want to embarrass her either. But so she knows that flashing isn't something I want her to continue with.
I thought it would be at least 10 more years before I had to worry about her keeping her bloody knickers on!!! confused

APlaceOnTheCouch Tue 12-Jan-16 14:03:05

DS did this at a similar age. He just thought it was funny. and DM had taught him a dance with bottom shaking in it - thanks mum hmm The school told him not to do it but didn't punish him or the other DC involved so I find it quite interesting that your school has given quite a hefty punishment.

At home, I just reinforced pants/private, and that silly dances were for granny. The behaviour at school tailed off.

If your DD is doing it to make people laugh, could you teach her another way to make her friend laugh? And perhaps role-play her friend asking her to flash but then she says 'no but this is funny instead . . .' and channel it into telling a joke or playing a game or trying to waggle their ears - in short anything that will seem funny and engaging to a tot but not get them into trouble in school.

Greenleave Tue 12-Jan-16 14:58:09

A placeonthecouch: There is a fineline between smth funny and smth one shouldnt do and even harder at young age. Many things I find funny enough but not for her(but that is also true to us as an adult, many jokes to someone are funny but not to the others.

I think my daughter and sweetsecret 's are very similar. So naive and a little "too innocent". At 8 years old my daughter still forgot to walk out of the bathroom ran to her room without anything on and we had guests on that day. Myself and my husband have been telling her many many times about what someone could see and what should be hidden. That its not ok for daddy to be in the bath room while she hasnt got her nicker on anymore or anyone else except mommy and the baby etc etc. many books in the house also and we read together. Well, she is much better now compare to couple of years ago

Greenleave Tue 12-Jan-16 14:59:36

Aplace: And yes you are right her intention always was to find things funny and and try to make people laugh...

Sweetsecret Tue 12-Jan-16 18:19:35

Aplace, really good tip thankyou. I will try that my DD is a bit like the class clown unfortunately! And had a bit of trouble with being bullied at the beginning of the year so I think this is her way to make people laugh so kids will like her sad but will try the other ways of making people laugh thing.she's just got into her new joke book so will see if she remember some to tell her friends at

APlaceOnTheCouch Wed 13-Jan-16 11:06:40

Sweetsecret that's interesting - DS had been bullied too and we (myself and the Deputy HT) felt he did act the clown to try to get people to like him.

I hope redirecting her to something else that makes them laugh will help. And I'm glad the bullying has been resolved.

Sweetsecret Wed 13-Jan-16 17:39:17

That is interesting. Yeah I think that's what is going on here. I had a chat with her last night and she went in today armed with lots of jokes and apparently had her friends and teachers in stitches (so she says 😉) at playtime. So I think the re-directing the need to be funny has worked.
Thankfully the bullying has calmed down. Thank you Aplace, really good advice and it actually seems to be working. She just couldn't understand why flashing wasn't funny because obviously she got a laugh every time.
But re-directing it has certainly worked today. Will see if it lasts.😊

JellyTotCat Thu 14-Jan-16 08:02:13

That's good news op. Good tip from Aplace.

APlaceOnTheCouch Thu 14-Jan-16 09:43:39

I'm glad it worked. Be warned, you'll now be subjected to increasingly esoteric jokes all the time grin

Sweetsecret Thu 14-Jan-16 09:52:36

Ha ha! I have now spent the last two evenings googling jokes for kids! Some of them she makes up and they make no sense! I still give her a good laugh though! I maybe on here with a new thread next week, entitled 'help me DD won't stop telling awful jokes' 😊

Greenleave Thu 14-Jan-16 10:01:11

Great news sweetsecret!!!

Only1scoop Thu 14-Jan-16 10:08:23

Sweet I went through a similar thing had a thread about it as was mortified. An 'I'll show you mine' type scenario which she told me about at school. Although teacher didn't seem aware.

Dd is also 5 it seems to have stopped. She was obsessed with her bits and bobs for a while always touching as well in the bath etc saying 'it feels nice especially when I touch this bit' blush

The pants private stuff and a few chats seem to have sorted it.

Now it's oooo I've got bobeeeeeesssconfused

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