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Sex Ed in Secondary - Should the School have Told Us?

(43 Posts)
MumofSilver Wed 01-Jul-15 08:17:35

My son came home from school after 'citizenship day' full of giggles about how they had been taught to put a condom on a banana ....

I don't like that at just turned 12 he is being taught this level of sex ed. However, the age of innocence has eroded somewhat and some kids need it so am not saying it should not have happened.

HOWEVER, should the school be communicating with parents just to let them know when such topics are being taught? My son's school did not. We are quite an open and frank family, but a heads up that the dinner conversation might be off down the line of 'somebody on the bus said there are different types Mum, what like?' would been appreciated!

TalkinPeace Wed 01-Jul-15 08:33:04

It's in the national curriculum.

mrsdavidbowie Wed 01-Jul-15 08:42:34

"This level of sex ed"
You mean learning about safe sex and contraception? Quite fundamental stuff?

senua Wed 01-Jul-15 08:46:18

I agree OP. When DD's school did drugs education I was a bit nervous - like you always are with pfb. But the school gave a demo lecture to parents first which set my mind at rest.

The timing of these things is difficult. I suppose that I would rather that the school did it before they were ready, rather than when it is already too late.

senua Wed 01-Jul-15 08:48:33

Mrs DB, he was being taught 4 years before the legal age of consent!

isupposeitsverynice Wed 01-Jul-15 08:49:02

I don't think so really tbh. you wouldn't expect the school to call and let you know what's going on in maths or French this week. at twelve they'd be giggling with their mates about this stuff anyway, with condoms filched from an older sibling or a vending machine, so better that it's coming from the school.

isupposeitsverynice Wed 01-Jul-15 08:50:34

senua, because lots of kids are sexually active at thirteen. and besides, the earlier you start teaching this stuff the better it's ingrained in them when they do become sexually active, hopefully many years later.

mrsdavidbowie Wed 01-Jul-15 09:04:41

So you think he should know NOTHING!
When his mates know? You're setting him up for bullying.
If things are explained in a factual way, what's wrong with that?

mrsdavidbowie Wed 01-Jul-15 09:05:54

So you think he should know nothing?
At what point would you have the conversation with him?

mrsdavidbowie Wed 01-Jul-15 09:06:50

Sorry thought first post hadn't worked

Lonecatwithkitten Wed 01-Jul-15 09:13:59

I know several of my friends had sex at thirteen so yes condoms at 12 is appropriate. Had we had this at school at least one of my friends lives would be very, very different.

MumofSilver Wed 01-Jul-15 09:16:08

Sorry my original post is obviously not clear - the issue is not that it was taught - I agree that it is.

I am also aware it is in the natural curriculum...... Moreover it is also in the curriculum that a parent has the right to withdraw their child from ANY sex education at ANY age during their education. Did you know that? Just 5 mins of google highlighted that lil nugget.

How are you meant to be able to do that if they don't tell you when it is happening?

We are opinionated on whether sex ed should happen or not, about what age it is appropriate and what content. THAT IS NOT THE DEBATE!!

The debate is - 'Is it right a school ignore parental rights by not communicating when the said education takes place?'

titchy Wed 01-Jul-15 09:23:55

When your ds started secondary school I'll bet you had masses of forms to fill in. One of those I am certain would have included an option to opt out of sex education by ticking the box. I would imagine if you were a parent who had ticked the box you'd have been informed beforehand. You didn't tick the box so your permission had already been gained.

titchy Wed 01-Jul-15 09:26:19

As an aside when dd did this her teacher apparently forgot that's what they were doing that lesson, so had to rush to Tescos at break for 30 bananas, a bottle of lubricant and half a dozen packs of condoms. I can only imagine what the cashier thought.... grin

mrsdavidbowie Wed 01-Jul-15 09:32:31

Love it titchy

isupposeitsverynice Wed 01-Jul-15 09:40:53

I did read your OP and responded to your question actually, and yes I did know parents have the right to withdraw their kids from sex ed, thanks. I still don't think the school have an obligation to tell you precisely when each class occurs and what it will cover. It's a blanket thing isn't it. You either pull them out of sex ed or you don't. You can't say oh well I want him to go to the class about growing pubic hair but not the one about condoms.

SoupDragon Wed 01-Jul-15 09:45:21

Isn't a cucumber more appropriate than a banana?


isupposeitsverynice Wed 01-Jul-15 09:49:03

How much disappointment is that going to cause for the girls when they do become sexually active though SoupDragon?

Clavinova Wed 01-Jul-15 09:53:45

You probably did sign something - have you looked for the sex education policy on the school website? Your ds' school seems to be covering more than ds1's school did last year.
A friend's dd goes to this state school: - sex ed for year 7 seems less forward here too.

mrsdavidbowie Wed 01-Jul-15 09:59:37

soup dragon and bananas can break in half. Great way of putting boys off sex.

MumofSilver Wed 01-Jul-15 10:29:35

Soup dragon - cucumbers, gherkins, bananas or courgettes - not sure which is better?! We were shown on a broom handle!

Isupposeitisverynice - 'actually' nothing was directed specifically at you, but glad you are well genned up. However you are entitled to withdraw your child from specific sex ed classes.

Claviova, I'll have a check on the school policy, thanks for that pointer. However, we def haven't signed anything or had any letters. That said, this school is well know for riding rough shod over parents and forgetting a to keep them informed on some pretty major issues. This is a minor one on a long list and endemic of a general blasé attitude. Hence a few parents getting hacked off on the principle of our rights ignored rather than actually wanting to act upon them! Upcoming Ofsted will be interesting!

nigelslaterfan Wed 01-Jul-15 10:40:02

Thankfully some schools are tackling this with pupils effectively.

If we left sex ed to parents - children would continue to get too little too late and continue with our bad stats on teenage pg.

Parents appear to suck at sex ed in this country.

We're far too hung up and don't know how to teach it to our own children.

Contact the school and check what the curriculum is and what they cover at what age, they will be glad to give you more info.

But information is power, these kids had better here it from school than learn about it from porn on someone's phone.

MumofSilver Wed 01-Jul-15 10:40:26

Titchy - Have just read back over the posts and am having a giggle fit at the image!

nigelslaterfan Wed 01-Jul-15 10:40:42

sorry, 'hear' it.

Madamecastafiore Wed 01-Jul-15 10:41:28

At 12 you should have crossed the bridge at home with him already.

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