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Leave Dyslexic child to recieve no help or move a child who HATES change?

(39 Posts)
iHAVEtogetoutofhere Wed 10-Jun-15 12:22:31

I have a ds who is in a system where there is no help for dyslexia.
He has dyslexia, dysgraphia, probable dyspraxia.
10 y/o, repeated Y1 (so sitting 1 year 'behind') and receives no learning support. Can't spell the word: 'does' correctly, hates writing, feels 'stupid' and a 'failure'.

I can move him, but he HATES change - he is probably asd, at least in terms of anxiety.

He gets bullied a lot.
Is being bullied at present, but likely to have issues after moving too as he seems to 'attract' them, iyswim.

I feel if I leave him where he is, it's like ripping off a Band-Aid slowly - constant low level pain. If we move him, it's like ripping it off quick - worse to start with, but then potentially much better?

Sheitgeist Wed 10-Jun-15 12:30:27

It would be better that he had help in his current school.
Why does he not? Have you investigated getting him a statement or asked his school why they are doing nothing to help him?

Alambil Wed 10-Jun-15 12:41:38

I did the "better the devil you know" stance at primary... it was the biggest regret.

Ask the new school how they will go about helping to settle and the associated, undiagnosed issues with moving. See what they say at least... then broach the topic with dc

I'm in a similar conundrum about his secondary now but need to wait for his Y7 exam results before making decisions

iHAVEtogetoutofhere Wed 10-Jun-15 12:49:39

Sheitgeist _ there is NO chance of appropriate help where we are.
We have been right through LEA and about to go to Ombudsman (but their recommendations not binding). We are in Scotland and there are real problems with the Curriculum / falling standards in Primary here, and big problems in our area / at our school too.

Alambil - Have spoken to new school about fear of re-settling him.
They seemed to want to help.

iHAVEtogetoutofhere Wed 10-Jun-15 20:35:03

just bumping to see if anyone else has any thoughts?

BrilliantDayForTheRace Wed 10-Jun-15 20:39:08

Move him. Tomorrow.

Very quickly the new school will be normal to him.

Does not sound like it could be worse than his current school.

Tweennightmare Wed 10-Jun-15 20:52:18

Agree move him I faced the same situation years ago with my DS but chose not to move him then a year later my DH got a job overseas and we had to move . The best thing we ever did for my DS he thrived in his new school and has done brilliantly ever since . Honestly I was amazed how much progress he made just by changing school and getting the right support

iHAVEtogetoutofhere Wed 10-Jun-15 23:10:12

m

Brandysnapper Wed 10-Jun-15 23:13:47

Does that treatment not contravene equality act, have you no legal recourse?

iHAVEtogetoutofhere Wed 10-Jun-15 23:30:32

I have no private means for legal action.

I can to the Ombudsman or Independent Adjudication but have been told that Authority routinely ignores their rulings anyway.

The school he is at is simply shit, tbh.
Today he was told: 'you were supposed to be learning Friench since nursery, so we have 2 years before High School to catch up those 6 years'. angry

iHAVEtogetoutofhere Wed 10-Jun-15 23:32:30

ahem

French, even.

His class teacher sets reading homework due in on a Tuesday.
For the last three weeks, this has been cancelled the day before,
No Maths homework for 3 years...
It is beyond shit, and I have a 2nd child there (with no SEN) who is getting a poor deal too.

Alambil Thu 11-Jun-15 00:23:08

I'd move him then... both dc if you can

sashh Thu 11-Jun-15 06:46:12

Please move him, I didn't get help until I was at uni, it makes a huge difference to confidence as well as ability to study.

He will only be in school for a few years, he will be dyslexic forever.

Baddz Thu 11-Jun-15 06:54:59

Move him

QueenofLouisiana Thu 11-Jun-15 06:56:51

Move them. Visit new school today, take photos to talk about at home until they can move (ASAP), so that the new environment becomes 'known'.

Try to do this before summer holidays (must be quite soon in Scotland?) so that the new school is normal in autumn.

Over the holidays you could look at subscribing to Nessy which may help with the phonics, spelling, writing problems. I use it with a number of children diagnosed with dyslexia and dyslexia type difficulties. They enjoy it, it works with small step targets which can be achieved. Approved by British Dyslexia Association.

Good luck!

ProcrastinatorGeneral Thu 11-Jun-15 07:00:37

I have a child with ASD who was failed by his school. Took the plunge and moved him. It was horrific for a few weeks, but 2.5 terms in I can hand on heart say it was the best course of action. My only regret is that I left it so long.

Weebirdie Thu 11-Jun-15 07:03:50

I would move him and as a mum to one young man and a granddaughter who's dyslexic with APD, as well as being the mum of s young man who's autistic, I would try and get a firm diagnosis for your son and get ASD ruled in or out officially.

SanityClause Thu 11-Jun-15 07:15:11

So, you've spoken to the new school who say they will provide the assistance and adjustments that he needs, and also help with resettling. What are you waiting for?

Seriously, though, I have been in your situation a couple of times (maybe not quite as extreme a situation, though. Of course you worry that you are doing the wrong thing, but actually, staying where you are is clearly the wrong thing, even if moving also turns out to be problematic. In my situations, moving has always turned out to be the better thing to have done. In one case, I actually feel really bad that I didn't make the change earlier.

LIZS Thu 11-Jun-15 07:18:45

We've "spoken" before I think. You have to get him out of there otherwise you are setting him up to fail. The longer you leave it the lower his self esteem becomes, and in turn yours. You have the power to change the situation while he does not, please take that opportunity.

Mopmay Thu 11-Jun-15 07:38:42

Move him. No question - sounds hellish

Frenchmustard7 Thu 11-Jun-15 07:42:39

I don't think homework is essential to success for any primary aged child. Reading is another matter though and crucial.

Frenchmustard7 Thu 11-Jun-15 07:44:03

In your shoes I'd show the kids round the new school. Then move them the week after.

fairyfuckwings Thu 11-Jun-15 07:45:49

My daughter has dyslexia, dyspraxia and dyscalulia. She's been to 3 different schools - infants, juniors and secondary and all 3 have done very little.

Can you afford private tuition? I paid 20 quid for an hour per week with a dyslexia specialist who also gave us quite a bit of homework to do during the week together. And then for a year I paid another 20 quid for an hour of private maths tuition until she'd "caught up ". She also did yoga, dance and drama which I think helped a lot with coordination and confidence.

She's now 14 and doing really well. She's predicted B grades on her gcse's which is way beyond our earlier expectations.

JaWellNoFine Thu 11-Jun-15 07:48:33

Move hime. He will adjust to the new school. It will be hard but worth it.

Will he get support at the new school?

Mrsjayy Thu 11-Jun-15 07:59:21

Do they not do stage intervention anymore ?dd had invervention up till p7 so she had support tbf dds primary is pretty rubbish any way whats the other school like if their SEN department is better then move him he will adjust to change even if it upsets him in the short term whats the High schools support going to be like he will be going in a few years

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