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Anyone changed school because of disagreements?

(15 Posts)
happycat Thu 08-Apr-04 13:05:30

Looking for advice I have a 7,6 and 2 year old.My two older children go to a small church school with only 220 pupils.I am on the P.T.A. I am becoming more and more distressed with the way the school is run.The head is so lazy when it come's to sorting out anything that means hasstle to her I have had two disagreements with her in the last couple of weeks.The school is so tight knit too (I feel they will hide anything to get themselves of the hook). I don't want hasstle now I just want to protect my children. The school has good S.A.T results and most of the teachers are supportive.I am considering moving my kids to a school that is closer to home has reasonable S.A.T results but has 4 large classes per year.Should I move my kids or just resign from the P.T.A so I have less contact.These disagreements were not P.T.A I was sticking up for my child and last night something I saw which wasn't right and she fibed to protect the other child

roisin Thu 08-Apr-04 14:10:55

Happycat - we haven't changed schools, so can't offer a point of view there. But I would be unhappy to have my children in a school where I didn't believe in the Head 100% It really is so important in primary school. My boys go to a large-ish primary school (c.500 kids). The Head is absolutely superb IMO. She does very little classroom teaching (though she is brilliant at it), so has the time to 'manage' the school efficiently, to focus on leadership and vision and targets. She knows all the children by name within a couple of weeks of them starting.

And yes, we have told her on several occasions, how impressed we are with her, and the school.

granarybeck Thu 08-Apr-04 14:21:01

I moved my children to a different school when ds was in reception and dd was 3. The school was a village school and on th esurface seemed ideal but the head was not managing the school well and IMO was not encouraging children to reach their potential. She did not seem willing to improve things and it was a very'closed shop' entwined with village politics etc. Moving schools meant moving house so it was a huge decision. We miss where we used to live and I have found it hard to meet new friends once children are at school. However children are at a larger school, sounds similar to roisin's are doing really well and i am extremely pleased with the school (2 years later). So overall i feel it was worth the upheaval.

lars Thu 08-Apr-04 14:24:44

Hi happycat,
I've been in a simular situation to yourself my dd told me of a incident at school which involved the class teacher. I was not very happy and thought the teacher's conduct was not at all professional. There had been many complaints about this teacher from other parents even classroom assistants say he is very strange and a trainee teacher refused to work with him and reported his conduct to the head- still nothing was done. I decided to move my child to another school due to the head's failure to believe my child or anyone else and my friend also moved her child. This has been at my own cost as this has resulted in other problems that I'm now experiencing with my ds (read other thread).
All I can say is that it makes you distressed when heads don't listen to what is really going on in the classroom. As for the PTA I would be involved but take a backward step for now. Do your children want to move?
It's really difficult to advice you but you must do what you feel is right, but don't be hasty to move your child, I realise now that I should of took it further with LEA at the time as since then I've learned the teacher in the old school has said strange comments to another child exactly the same thing. larsxx

happycat Thu 08-Apr-04 16:17:49

Thanks for your replies.I feel torn I guess on the one hand I think how can I send my children to a school that I don't completly trust.Yesterday I feel that she lied to me which dosen't give me the confidence in her at all.I think I feel if I move them to a larger school and my kids don't like it I will be really blaming myself (ds1 is behind in his school work)

happycat Thu 08-Apr-04 16:21:23

lars haven't been on for a couple of weeks and can't find a thread???

mrsforgetful Thu 08-Apr-04 16:28:31

feeling like you- for other reasons....the way i see it is at the moment my son's are aware how fed up i am- and i have lost all faith in the school- so as my sons are happy to move then i feel that we have reached the point where we have to make the move.

Up to last year i was on the whole proud of the school and recommended it- so the attitude my sons saw me have was 'Positive' they see me crying at school when it has been too much.

I tried the PTA too- thought to 'know the ins and outs of the school' was great- it did not help in my case when the head simply had SATs on her agenda....2 of my sons have SEN -so i tried suggesting organising some support and sessions for SEN parents-I volunteered to help run it- she was not receptive- however was nagging us to man stalls at the christmas bazzar-and that was when i lost my interest in the school- as supposedly she should be have all childrens's interests at heart- not just the ones who 'fit in and achieve good sats'.

So- like Lars said- are the children happy? Can you 'step back' and feel happy about school?

If not ....and you like the other school...then you may be wise to change.

In my case- i am hoping they will be able to transfer- and if not i will feel very uncomfortable returning my son's to the care of the existing head as i have now involved the Ed Welfare officer and though i know it's more than her jobs worth for her to traet my children badly ...i am concerned that now i have raised this 'above her head' that she will be 'frost' to say the least!

lars Thu 08-Apr-04 16:35:41

Happycat, sorry I may have confused you about other thread. I have had some problems with DS since moving to the new school but this is now a year later at the school and the problems are worse now. He is under assessment they think it may be asphergers or ADHD or change in schools who knows, but there has been a big change in ds. The school haven't helped matters at all. So for my dd the move was ok but for ds it wasn't. larsxx

happycat Thu 08-Apr-04 16:46:38

there is a boy who keeps hitting my ds1 (I have complained about this).He comes from a poor family with lots of children and yes I do feel sorry for him too.Last night at the school disco I brought him some food because he never has spending monet (this stops him hitting the other children too probaly due to his boredom).After this I saw him going around picking money up from the floor which had been dropped by other children (he even came up and showed me)he didn't have a lot.Towards the end of the evening a little reception boy came up and said he had dropped all his money and lost it.When I went back to where he was sitting the other boy was walking away with a hand full of money.I asked the boy if he had found it on the floor in the corner and he said no.I went to the head concerned for the reception child telling her that the other boy had no money earlier and what had happened and she just turned to me and said YES he did have money he showed me and anyway the reception child had to learn what it is like to look after his own things.I am really anoyyed with her attitude.If she can lie like that to aviod trouble how often is she doing it?

happycat Thu 08-Apr-04 16:50:18

She also knows the trouble the boy and my son have so I felt double hurt as if I wasn't capable of being fair because of this.A child is a child in my book and has to learn right from wrong I would have been the same if it was my ds that had taken the money.I am an honest good person and feel let down.

lars Thu 08-Apr-04 17:32:02

Happycat, yes understand totally what your saying. 'Honesty is the best policy', yes I feel let down by my ds class teacher as she lied to me about dd lunch, I mixed up the lunch boxes one day put tuna instead of ham/cheese, dd hates tuna. DS had already eat his lunch so changing was not an option. DS's teacher was on dinner duty and said DD could only have bread and butter as no dinners left. Load of lies, my friend is the cook ( they don't know this of course) plenty of dinners left which the teacher knew about, meanwhile teacher helps herself to roast potatoes as the children eat their dinners . The teacher even said she buttered the bread herself with her own hands ( another lie) all I said was could she have a dinner and I would pay for this if this ever happened again. I felt there was no need to lie over an issue like that. I don't trust or believe what she says plus having problems with ds in her class which makes it worse. So I know how upsetting this is to be lied to. Can you have a word with the class teacher and can they bring this up in circle time about not taking what belongs to others even if the head is not interested. Larsxx

happycat Thu 08-Apr-04 21:49:26

good idea.I wish now I had told the little boy to go home and tell his mum to go up the school about it.This was horrible and I had my hands tied.I think I suppose in my day what teachers said went and you respected them this is why I feel shocked.I would resign from the p.t.a because I don't want to be a part of this but no one else would do it.I will try now to take a more back seat

MsTake Mon 12-Apr-04 16:03:01

My daughter is now 14 and I have had so much trouble with her and schools. After 2 years in lower school I moved to get her into a better area and school. Unfortunately it was like jumping out of the frying pan and into the fire. I argued with the school most days and found their policies outdated and very unfair. She was eventually diagnosed with IBS due to stress at 9. Because of this I refused to send her to the same middle school as these children as I felt I was asking for trouble. Even though I went to the appeal board and had written evidence that she should be moved away from this atmosphere they turned her down. So eventually sent her to a village school which was well outside my catchment.

I have since moved again to ensure her upper school experience is better. She has gone through so much and I feel that I have failed her.

But what I am trying to say is that if you are not happy then move your kids they only get one education and they deserve for it to be as good as you can get. She is so much happier (well as happy as a teenager can be) and well worth all the upheaval.

Good luck.

firestorm Mon 12-Apr-04 20:19:26

mstake, dont feel guilty, you were only doing what you thought was best for your child at the time.
im very unhappy with my dd`s current school, she only started in september (reception) & to be quite frank her teacher is a complete bitch. ive chickened out of moving her so far in case its a case of frying pan to fire (as you found) just before she broke up this teacher was extremely rude to me for no reason in front of dd & 2 other kids. i had offered to help out on a school trip & she basically accused me of wanting to blag a freebie (as if ive got nothing better to do with my time) i offered my services because i already help out in the class & the kids know me. i was very angry & insulted, i really could of hit her. if the kids hadnt of been there id of given her a right mouthful back.
after this happened my first thought was not to send dd back there, but shes only got one term & then another teacher so ill grit my teeth & avoid this woman as much as possible till then.
we also want to move to another area for better schools & cant do that till next year so hopefully dd`s new teacher will be a lot better than her current two, (jobshare situation) both bitches im afraid.
im glad it worked out in the end for your daughter.

InternationalGirl Mon 12-Apr-04 22:21:25

IMO if you are not happy with the school and have persevered and even been on the PTO and still no positive results change schools. We did.

We moved to London, enrolled our 9 yr old in a local school and even from early on it didn't feel right. We thought we'd give it a chance but even after several months things just kept popping out as not right - bullying, children's pride in themselves and their appearance, respect for each other, etc etc.

My 9yr old came home and said "Mum - this school just doesn't feel right". I had to listen to what she was saying and we changed. Best thing we ever did. Being happy with where your kids are at is so important.

Listen to your gut - if it doesn't feel right change it and know that you did what you thought was right at the time.

Hope everything works out for you.

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