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Am I over reacting?

(187 Posts)
Badvoc Wed 23-Apr-14 16:38:51

Just wanted to ask other parents/teachers their opinion on this...
My ds2 is 5 and started school in sept last year.
In feb he started feeling unwell at school - refused any lunch, wasn't drinking and stayed in the classroom at lunchtime play hmm
The teacher did not phone me and told me all the above at 3.15 at pick up time.
I do not think this is acceptable.
I complained to the ht and the ct phoned me and basically said "I am very experienced and used my judgment"
No apology.
Since then ds2 has been very reluctant to go to school - in fact at feb half term it was a struggle just to get him to leave the house hmm
He has had a lot of health issues too - in the past month he had had; an ear infection, conjunctivitis, tonsillitis and a cough and cold.
My gut feeling is that I don't trust this teacher any longer and I don't think ds2 does either.

tiggytape Wed 23-Apr-14 16:49:45

Honestly? I think that whilst it may have been a poor judgement call on that particular day, losing all faith in the teacher as a result is a bit OTT.

It isn't like he had undiagnosed appendicitis, a roaring fever or they left him in agony. He felt a bit peaky and they kept him in.

It is pretty common at school. Lots of children have a sore head / tummy / arm / nostril at some point in the day and a quiet sit down often resolves things. Obviously if the child has any other symptoms or is greatly distressed, further action is taken.

Maybe you could go in and explain quite calmly that DS worries about being ill at school having suffered health problems very recently and would like reassurance about what he should do if he is feeling very poorly, who he should tell, what will happen etc.

Badvoc Wed 23-Apr-14 17:01:45

Thank you

SatansFurryJamHats Wed 23-Apr-14 17:05:05

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PatriciaHolm Wed 23-Apr-14 18:44:05

I wouldn't have expected to be told about that until pickup, no - he wasn't actually ill, didn't need medical help or to go home. Letting them sit in a classroom/the office is normal practise if they are a bit peaky (especially in reception where they can still be getting tired easily).

Sometimes the lack of information from school can be an adjustment from the amount one tends to get from nursery/childminders - school aren't going to tell you anything you don't need to know, whereas nursery etc would often tell you everything just in case!

I think it's a bit of an over reaction to stop trusting this teacher, but as others have said you could have a general chat about how your DS has had a run of illness and needs to be reassured about what he does if he feels ill at school.

clam Wed 23-Apr-14 19:16:45

Why were you expecting an apology?

HolidayCriminal Wed 23-Apr-14 19:25:12

It sounds like he was a bit off colour that day, not outright ill. If they sent every child home who was a bit out of sorts the class would only be half full, what with the home birds trying it on & the others who just aren't 100% most days.

Badvoc Wed 23-Apr-14 19:30:41

Because it has had such a hugely upsetting effect on him.
He is a different (anxious and upset) child.
I have issues with any adult that uses the words "tough love" wrt 4/5 year olds tbh.

Badvoc Wed 23-Apr-14 19:34:23

He is now utterly terrified at being away from me.
He fine prior to this incident.
Her actions have traumatised my son, and I want to help him get back to his happy old self.
I would also like an apology from the teacher that, actually, this time she got it wrong.
Yes - teachers can actually be wrong at times!!

noblegiraffe Wed 23-Apr-14 19:35:09

Was he begging to go home or something? I'm not sure what the problem is, he wasn't that ill?

ThreeLannistersOneTargaryen Wed 23-Apr-14 19:35:28

I only want the school to phone me if I need to collect the child and bring him/her home, i.e. vomiting, diarrhoea, high temperature etc. This has happened a couple of times in the thirty child-years my children have been at school (10+8+6+6). I think the teacher made the correct judgement.

ThreeLannistersOneTargaryen Wed 23-Apr-14 19:38:09

Is your son picking up on your feelings about the teacher and about school generally? That could be the cause of his anxiety.

diddlediddledumpling Wed 23-Apr-14 19:41:38

From what you've said, it's hard to understand why he has been so upset by the incident. Are there other details you or he has left out?
On the face of it, I agree with other posters, it's what would have/ has happened in my dc's school. And yet his reaction seems extreme, which is what makes me think there's more to it. Is there z chance you've passed on you'd feelings about the teacher to him?
I do sympathise, I'm sure it must be hard for you to see such a dramatic change in him.

JodieGarberJacob Wed 23-Apr-14 19:43:12

Well what was he like for the rest of the afternoon?
Honestly, the teacher did what 99% of teachers would have done.
And getting her to apologise? For what?

ThreeLannistersOneTargaryen Wed 23-Apr-14 19:46:07

What I mean is that if your son is feeling very unhappy and anxious, then this is something that needs to be addressed.

As well as being positive in your own attitude towards his teacher and school, you can help to build your child's confidence generally by encouraging him to try new things, especially things he finds difficult, encouraging steps towards independence from you, and enabling him to cope in situations where he is outside his comfort zone.

PickledPorcupine Wed 23-Apr-14 19:47:22

I'm sorry but a teacher has not got time to phone a parent every time a child has an off day.

He's had a bad run of illness but are you deliberately linking his feelings about school to something which happened in February? It's very possible that after having time off for various things he's just feeling a little out if sorts and things have moved on in class without him resulting in him not being as settled as he previously was. Also, you're saying you don't trust his teacher any longer. Are you giving your child this impression? Children are very quick to pick up on any feelings of their parents.

If I were in your position I would make yourself feel positive about his teacher/the school and this will rub off on your child. Go a little ott with things he has done at school and make an effort to go and see what he's up to there. Keep him very positive, school is a long journey and he's only just starting.

SatansFurryJamHats Wed 23-Apr-14 19:47:29

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HandragsNGladbags Wed 23-Apr-14 19:47:32

Was your son off ill the following days from school?

I don't see why its traumatic for him, he stayed in when he felt a bit crap. At DD's school she would have had to have a temp to be considered to go home.

The teacher has done nothing wrong, one afternoon at school has not led to further complications of any illness.

I think he is saying he doesn't want to go, because he would rather not, and picks up the best way to get you to take this seriously is to say he is ill.

DD tried to do this to me around having no friends until I spoke to the school - lots of friends but she wanted to stay at home with me.

youmakemydreams Wed 23-Apr-14 19:49:51

Tbh I wish more schools did this. I have picked a child up from school laughing and bouncing off the walls with bugger all wrong with them. Well nothing that a quiet read in the library didn't fix before I got there.
I think it's more likely that your ds is picking up on your feelings rather than the incident itself having traumatised them. From experience children this age forget and move on very quickly.
Honestly I get the anxiety at handing you pfb over to school and them not doing exactly what you'd do but you are way over reacting.

clam Wed 23-Apr-14 19:53:39

But the teacher didn't get it wrong. On any given day there are at least half a dozen children who complain of feeling unwell in one way or another. This teacher did not dismiss your son - she coochied him along (OK, made-up term) and let him stay inside at lunch time in the warm and snuggle up with a book.

We are not allowed to send home any child on their say-so. Our HT requires a temperature, broken bone or visible proof of having been sick. Anything outside those things has to be sanctioned by her.

I think your problem here goes way beyond what you think of the teacher in this instance, but should focus on why your ds has become so distressed about it. This is not normal.

PatriciaHolm Wed 23-Apr-14 19:56:03

I think the most proactive way forward is for you to really try to understand why your son is so nervous and anxious. It seems highly unlikely that this one event has traumatised him, especially if he was all fine about school before. Had you had any issues with anxiety around school before? Had you had any conversations with school about your sons worries before the incident?

I would talk to the GP about strategies to help him and not focus on blaming a teacher for doing something that pretty much every other reception teacher would have done.

Badvoc Wed 23-Apr-14 19:58:30

Sorry, I should have said - he was off school poorly the rest of that week. By 5pm that evening he was running a high temp.
It is very distressing when your child alters overnight, yes.

clam Wed 23-Apr-14 19:59:12

Also, it is not unusual for children to eat little at lunch time - my classroom door is, unfortunately for me, right next to the slop bowl in the dining room. Every time I set foot out there at lunchtime, I am staggered by the number of children (KS1 in particular) tipping virtually all their lunch in the bin.
It is also unlikely for staff to know how much your child has drunk during the day too.
You seem to expecting 1:1 supervision for your son to the same level of care you would give as a parent. With the best will in the world, that is not going to happen at school.

Badvoc Wed 23-Apr-14 19:59:40

I know it's not normal clam.
That is why I am so worried!
Please don't talk to me like a teacher I am an idiot!

clam Wed 23-Apr-14 20:00:41

Maybe he was running a temperature later on that evening. But during school-time, the bug was only just beginning. Doesn't mean they should have blue-lighted him home at that point.

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