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Feeling deflated after rejection letter

(94 Posts)
sobbingmummy Thu 23-Jan-14 10:46:30

I feel like someone has taken my little boys life and thrown it away.
We just received a letter to say he wont be called for interview after his 11+ exam.
DS is super bright, nerdy but street smart too. He wins most academic at his prep every year, G&T in school, always gets top marks in tests.
I didn't do lots of tutoring because I thought he was okay.
I'm so upset for him. What went wrong?

sobbingmummy Thu 23-Jan-14 10:47:30

Its all my fault, isn't it

LongDeadMotherofHorrors Thu 23-Jan-14 10:49:01

Nerves? Exam technique? Worth you asking the school for a debrief.

Blueberrypots Thu 23-Jan-14 10:49:12

Does he have any other options? Are there any other schools he could try for? Not much help, but didn't want to read and run. You must be very disappointed. Did you get any feedback?

basildonbond Thu 23-Jan-14 10:49:52

If this has come as a total surprise to you and his current school then this is where your prep head should be getting to work.

Is this the only school you applied for or do you have other options?

NeedHoliday Thu 23-Jan-14 10:49:58

Def not you fault. The competition and pressure is immense there are hundreds sitting for so few places.

You say prep school can he stay until 13 and try again?

FrauMoose Thu 23-Jan-14 10:51:35

Um, there are parents whose children's life is really in danger of being thrown away.

Who are you upset for? Your child? Yourself?

Yes, you are distressed because you had assumed Plan A would work. Now it's time for Plan B. (Perhaps you hadn't though of Plan B?)

Time to get thinking...

sobbingmummy Thu 23-Jan-14 10:55:05

We applied for 3 others, not sure when the letters will arrive.
I just assumed he was fine, We only did a couple of practice papers.
I know it will be the same with the other schools as I didn't tutor enough.
He got around 90% on the practice papers.
Im so upset for him, he sobbed for hours last night and today he has to deal with the other boys who did get interviews.

craggyhollow Thu 23-Jan-14 10:55:19

I'd take it up with the current school

sobbingmummy Thu 23-Jan-14 10:58:38

Fraumoose, poor choice of words on my part.

Prep head has not been helpful as the school didn't want him to leave until 13. I dont want to stay at the school he attends as its going downhill.

craggyhollow Thu 23-Jan-14 10:59:58

oh dear

what a shame

this often happens with preps they have no vested intrest in 11+ candidates really, ours is very upfront about not doing anything special with those kids, they concentrate on CE in 7 and 8 instead

justfishing Thu 23-Jan-14 11:00:04

Definitely need to look forwards rather than back and to try and focus on positives. For example - your child may be a complete shining star in a less pressured school and flourish. My husband went to one of the most academic public schools and left at 17 having taken A levels a year early. He honestly thinks that it suits some, but not others - he feels he would have been better in a different enviornment.

The most important thing here is to not make your son feel like a failure

craggyhollow Thu 23-Jan-14 11:00:58

make a brew

what options do you have now?

FrauMoose Thu 23-Jan-14 11:01:06

I feel I am in an alien world here. My own very bright daughter is state educated. Clearly your world has its own (different) pressures. However doesn't the combination of enough money to pay for fees and an intelligent child mean that various avenues remain open, even if other schools - like this first one say no.

I can see it's very difficult if other classmates have had better news. But he's still the same able/gifted/bright child that he was. And surely it's a glitch - not a tragedy.

craggyhollow Thu 23-Jan-14 11:01:56

i think 11+ is very stressful though frau

curlew Thu 23-Jan-14 11:04:28

Please try not to make it into such a catastrophe. He needs you to be sensible and calm.

What are your options?

FrauMoose Thu 23-Jan-14 11:06:01

All three of my stepchildren/children did it. In the case of my own daughter, there were other schools that I liked. I just felt they were all rather different. Though the grammar school was obviously very highly favoured by most of the parents whose children took the test.

I do think that children's innate abilities and having supportive parents does count for a great deal in the long run.

sobbingmummy Thu 23-Jan-14 11:08:33

I do have options (I hope) he really is a good child, hes interested in everything so I am sure he will do well where ever he goes.

Its just upsetting when your little 10 year old gets rejected for the first time, especially as "he" thought he was bright now he feels hes not.

craggyhollow Thu 23-Jan-14 11:10:22

yes of course

and now you know how many people tutor for the test even though they all say they don't hmm

He will be fine
you will be fine

what is the back up school like?

NWgirls Thu 23-Jan-14 11:11:11

"Prep head has not been helpful as the school didn't want him to leave until 13"

I know little about prep vs. secondary politics, but willing to bet that this is a case of the two HTs talking, effectively agreeing a "no-poach" deal. If so, the question is whether your current HT has as much sway with the 3 other schools you have applied for.

curlew Thu 23-Jan-14 11:11:34

Well, frankly, his mother saying to she thinks somebody has taken his life and thrown it away is likely to make him feel a bit negative about the situation. And I know you are going to say you didn't say that to him- but it would be amazing if you managed to hide such strong feelings from him.

Hulahaha Thu 23-Jan-14 11:15:50

Please don't worry . I've been there and it totally sucks . My DS was rejected on interview at super selective - and told to try again next year as they felt he wasn't mature enough . It was totally heartbreaking to see him so upset at age 10 - especially as some boys less bright than him got offers . I put him down for a highly selective Boarding School , and he passed with flying colours . He also passed another super selective school which was our first choice. My point is that as low as you are , there will be other options . Boys can have wobbles at that age , it's not great . Good luck and be positive !

wordfactory Thu 23-Jan-14 11:16:56

sobbing it will sting of course it will, but it's not the end of the world and your DS will be fine grin.

It probably wasn't wise to send him into an entrance exam unprepared. Tell your DS that. Tell him you mucked up.

sobbingmummy Thu 23-Jan-14 11:19:32

You are so right Craggy !!

I think the head had a part in it the other boys had legit reasons to leave, I just wanted to get out.
The boys have been doing year 4/5 work since September so I have had to teach him the year 6/7 work and only had one practice paper from each school whereas some of the boys (from other schools) had papers going back years.

I just had a moment wallowing in self pity. I feel much better reading your comments.Thank you.

DS CATS test were all around 140. I am sure the school he ends up at will appreciate him.

I do really believe that these schools dont want the brightest they just want the best parents, the ones willing to tutor for two years before. I cant commit to that with four children so maybe it is for the best.

craggyhollow Thu 23-Jan-14 11:23:10

yes i do believe it is in the grammars interest to have tutoring parents

140 is amazing he is clearly very bright

my dds were 110 so a life of fee paying non selective awaits grin

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