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If they begged would you let them board?

(107 Posts)
morethanpotatoprints Wed 30-Oct-13 18:40:02

Ok, just that really.

<disclaimer> My child is very happy at home, no issues and we are a very close family who spend most of our time together.

She has made her mind up she is going and nothing will stop her.
I have nothing against boarding schools, but being completely selfish I wouldn't want her to go and hope she changes her mind.

Your thoughts, wwyd.

LittleSiouxieSue Tue 05-Nov-13 21:08:15

You cannot compare Catholic boarding 30 years ago with quality boarding today. There is just no comparison! Lots of forces children went to the less good establishments I'm afraid but boarding is just not like that now and most children get a lot out of it and name friends for life.

jellybrain Tue 05-Nov-13 21:17:14

I'm still in touch with friends from school so that's not an issue. I just think that children should grow up with their families.
I'm not sure that the catholic bit is completely relevant - DB didn't go to a catholic school and also had a poor experience. His school was very well regarded and still is I think.

morethanpotatoprints Tue 05-Nov-13 21:42:43


How awful for you and your siblings. Its ok for people to say its not like that anymore, but how do they know it doesn't still exist to some extent.
I would like to thank you again for sharing and so sorry that the thread upset you.
it is important to hear all views when starting such a thread and I have taken on board what you have said.
I also believe as others have suggested on here that personality plays a large part in the ability for dc to settle to boarding.
I am not 100% sure my dd would cope, despite her pleading to go. If today has been anything to go by then definitely not, because an upset had her crying on my shoulder for a long time.
Maybe at some time she will be ready and as I said certainly won't stand in her way, but it has to be right.
I hope you are ok jelly flowers

whethergirl Tue 05-Nov-13 21:51:38

I feel for you, I would find this a very difficult situation. My instinct is to say no, but then I only have one very clingy mummy's boy DS who wouldn't dream of leaving home!

A friend of mine's ds won a scholarship at a ballet school and boarded there, she was totally heartbroken but eventually got used to it.

jellybrain Tue 05-Nov-13 22:27:42

Thanks Morethan and Whether I'm fine now smile

schoolnurse Wed 06-Nov-13 08:27:16

"but how do we know it doesn't exist to some extent?"
The majority of boarding schools are regularly inspected and boarding and pastoral care are a large part of that inspection. minimum standards are laid down and children and parents are interviewed asked to complete questionnaires, At all the boarding schools i've worked in children are provided with a list of people they can turn if they're unhappy in general children are told all staff will listen but then specific staff are listed e.g. chaplains schools provide a free counselling who children can access confidentially and in confidence. All our housemaster are parents themselves (as are most of the teachers and staff) and work tirelessly for the the children in their care often putting the needs of the of the boarding children over their own children: sending emails to parents at 2 in the morning, accompanying them to hospital, attending pastoral care meetings where unhappy children are discussed and solutions sought, talking to parents both on the phone and face to face at all hours and just being with the children. We all (from cleaners to head masters) attend child protection training. Parents are also significantly more involved many will list pastoral care as one of the most important things when looking for a school, gone are the days when parents drop their DC's off at the beginning of term and pick them up at the end, most parents are in regular contact with their children they know what os going on.
I'm not deluding myself there are children in all boarding schools who are unhappy being there (we have them and even advise parents to seek alternatives and some wont) but the vast majority I believe feel supported and cared for and IME the vast majority who are unhappy have problems outside of school and in fact we are often the safe port in a storm we have children who cant wait to get back to school away from dysfunctional parents becasue they feel secure cared for.
I had a child in a state school with a reputation for high standards of pastoral care misunderstood by his school he became unhappy frankly i felt the school couldn't give a toss about him they were just going through the motions in the end his GP intervened and had to point out in no uncertain terms that they like those who work in boarding schools have a duty of care but unlike us who take this very seriously they were not. This would never happen in any of the boarding schools I've worked in.
There will always be cases of abuse, uncaring staff etc, but this in the 21st century in the exception not the rule.

morethanpotatoprints Wed 06-Nov-13 16:57:11


That was my exact reasoning, yes the exception to the rule. I was saying that nobody could really say that all the children are happy and whilst maybe the problems are different from yesterday, we could still be talking about their affects in years to come.
I think it is wrong for people to say, well that doesn't happen anymore when people are talking about harrowing experiences.

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