dd (6) bored at school.

[thewomanwhothoughtshewasahat]

dd is pretty bright (sorry if that offends etc but it's true and relevant and I can't be bothered to modify it to insulate myself from parping) and tbh there isn't anything she does at school that stretches her. for 2 years I haven;t minded and neither has she. The only thing I have cared about is her being happy, can't be doing with "stretching" etc for stretching's sake. However recently she's been increasingly complaining of boredom and has at times been pretty unhappy. The effect of not having anything challenging to do is that she can't be bothered to do the stuff she find easy. I keep trying to persuade her that whilst dh and I know she can do it the teacher needs to see that she can. And only then will the teacher realise that she needs something more difficult. However I am not convinced that this approach is working - I don;t think the teacher has sussed her out at all and dd is not enjoying school. The idea of saying this to the teacher makes me shudder. but should I bite the bullet? the timing's bad, coz of course she's only got a few weeks left with this teacher - should I wait til next term? speak to her new teacher? sit on it some more and see if she finds next year better? ask for some extra holiday "work"?

[Patttsy]

Sorry, but what is Parping?

Had similar problem with eldest dd

I think if you can you should speak to this teacher and her next one (Sep one). Explain as you have here.

Maybe you should give her some school holiday/after school homework for now. I imagine things will get better as next year she will be preparing for SATs.

Try and keep you daughter doing/attempting school work in school time, otherwise she might start to fall into habits that are hard to break later on.

HTH

Patttsy

[thewomanwhothoughtshewasahat]

thanks Pattsy - yes, although the school keep the whole sats thing low key (rightly, imo), I am kind of hoping that they'll up the pace a bit. am also worried about the bad habits thing. we had total melt down on Sunday when dh was trying to get her to do her "homework" - which is just writing a sentence about her reading book, and she was just being silly and deliberately not doing it as well as we both know she could, dh (perhaps inadvisedly?) got cross with her, so we ended up with about an hour or more of tears, of how boring and rubbish school is, how she doesn;t like any of her friends any more (obviously not true, but she threw it in for good measure); doesn;t want to go any more etc etc. so I think we might have reached the stage where we need to do something. parping is what people say they are doing when a thread annoys them or bores them. and a bald assertion like dd is bright sometimes ends up with people getting annoyed.

[Berries]

Not sure whether I can offer any advice, but I would def. go in to see the teacher now and ask her to put it in your dds records for the next teacher. Had this problem with dd2 (plus some other social issues) and had to spend the first 6 months of every school year trying to convince the teacher she wasn't thick, the class would then get tests (sats type things) which she would ace & the teachers would believe me - until the next year when we'd go back to square one. At one stage (yr2) she ended up on the bottom table for everything. Teachers were amazed when she got a L3 in Sats. Following year she ended up bumping around at the bottom of the class again. They didn't give her extension work in maths (which she loved) because she wasn't writing enough in English (wtf). Now wish we had gone in a LOT stronger when it was apparent what was going on. Make the point now so you have a place to start from with the new teacher. If nothing else, the teacher will pay more attention to your dd to see if you're right or just a doting mum.

[thewomanwhothoughtshewasahat]

interesting berries - esp as I think dd's best stuff is maths. her homework the other weekend was adding 11 to various numbers and I can hand on my heart say she's been able to do stuff like that for a long time. the best thing is that she understands what maths is and what numbers are. she knows that 17 million take away 3 million is essentially the same in concept as 17 buttons take away 3 buttons - she understands the concept of negative numbers, she can do basic algebra. she just has a really good afinity with it all, if that makes sense. (makes me quite excited that she's like that actually) I've been very happy to not be pushy, but think we might have to take the plunge a bit.

[thewomanwhothoughtshewasahat]

having said all that we did once have a particularly memorable meltdown because a post card was, apparently, only a rectangle if it was landscape. viewed portrait way she wasn't quite sure what it was but it was absolutely NOT A RECTANGLE. took her about two hours to get over that one.

[ScummyMummy]

What's the teacher like? Does she like dd?

[trinityrhino]

I am having similar problem and was thinking of asking for some 'holiday work', not sure if I should but she is sooo enthusiatic and able it seems a shame not to fuel that

[singersgirl]

I don't have anything constructive to add (sorry), but am interested in this thread on behalf of DS2, who is just finishing Reception. He has had a year that is a lot of fun, but I can't, hand on heart, say he's learnt much, apart from some topic stuff.

Maths is not his favourite subject, but, like your DD, he understands number: that if 2+2 is 4, then 20+20 must be 40, 200 + 200 must be 400 and so on (not quite ad infinitum). When I asked him to give me a number smaller than 100 the other day (just testing something the school had mentioned) he said "minus one".

I am having this dilemma right now about whether to discuss this with DS2's current teacher, or whether to wait till next year to find out what will happen in Y1. Literacy is more open-ended so the child can to some extent challenge themselves - use more interesting vocabulary, write a longer story etc.

So will watch thread with interest.

[thewomanwhothoughtshewasahat]

her current teacher is, as far as I can make out, lovely. she's quite "old school", unmarried, in her 50s I'd guess, wears long skirts, flat sandals and interesting beads (not that that's relevant but paints a picture...); far more interested in the kids than in the national curriculum and sats; would generally prefer to be more reactive to the children and to situations, than spend half her life planning and rigidly adhering to it all; one of the few teachers who stands in the playground with her coffee before the bell goes chatting to parents rather than putting the finishing touches to the day's plans - much of which are attributes I have a lot of time for, but, I have heard it said that she's almost too lovely, and maybe a bit lacking in dynamism and a maybe leans a wee bit too much in the direction I paint.

[Berries]

Also, she got put down a level in reading in Yr4 because she wa reading in a monotone. Suggesting to the teacher that maybe it was because she was bored witless didn't go down too well. We moved her to a different school in Jan & the change in amazing. Comment from teacher when complained that she was reluctant to read 'Well, we know she can, we just have to find the books which interest her' like a breath of fresh air. She also has a habit of listening to story tapes whilst doing something else (drawing or other art works) & teacher said that was great because it is increasing her vocab so keep it up. Science teacher has also said she's nearly L5 already (sorry - proud mummy moment)
Your dd does sound very like mine at the same age. Unfortunately, in the lower years it seems to be the children that are very good at lang. and writing who are classed as 'bright' and given more challenging work. I don't think any of dds teachers had any idea what she was capable of maths wise, because she could understand concepts which were far away from what they were teaching the class, so could never show it. She could also be a stubborn little PITA and would never do work just to please the teacher. If she didn't see the point she wouldn't do it. One comment when she was in yr2 & I asked why she had rushed through something 'but I already know that - why do it again' so I can sort of see the problems the teachers had.

[thewomanwhothoughtshewasahat]

all sounds very familiar. how old is she now? out of interest can I ask if this was the moitivation for the change of school? if so how did you decide thta the new school was more suited?

[MeAndMyBoy]

If you want to do some stuff at home that might help get her interested with 'school work' try looking on the brightminds.co.uk website. My niece is very good at maths and we've got some cool things from there for her to use and play with.

Hope you get is sorted, it's hard not wanting to look like a pushy parent but knowing your child is genuinely bright and bored.

I feel that if a child is interested feed it for as long as they are interested, it's not pushing IMO at all just feeding an interest.

[ScummyMummy]

hmm. i think I'd tend to leave it till next year with that teacher but be really sure that you review towards the end of the first half of the autumn term if things don't improve with the next teacher.

[Berries]

The real push to move her was because of bullying. The year that she was in had about 3 very dominant characters who operated a policy of exclusion with the other girls in the group (you've got the 'wrong' hairstyle today so no-one's allowed to speak to you), so she was also very unhappy for a lot of the time. Sadly, because we know she could be difficult & her social skills weren't great we didn't monitor it as closely as we should. It finally came to a head at the start of yr4, when she started to become v. disruptive in class. She then said 'but they like me if I can make them laugh'. Interestingly, teacher said she was very disruptive in class, not concentrating, messing around etc.. We then asked if she was producing enough work in class, was she falling behind etc. Teacher said 'oh no, she's keeping up fine, some of her work is very good'. Suggestions that maybe she was bored (as she could obviously do the classwork and still mess around) did not go down well - hence decision to move her. Her new teacher is actually a lot 'softer' than old teacher, but if she shows she can do a piece of work, the next piece is harder, not just more of the same, so she gets the chance to really show what she is capable of & she loves it.

[ScummyMummy]

frogs might have some good advice on this one too. Sounds like her dd has been through similar.

[bluejelly]

My dd is top of the class and the same age... at the moment she enjoys school. I wouldn't say she was being stretched exactly but there is enough going on to keep her motivated. I think you should definitely talk to the teacher.
Oh and my dd sometimes protests at being forced to do homework. Would really recommend you dh doesn't make a big deal about it. Really no need at the age of 6 and as you no doubt realise, could well be counter-productive.

Leave it and try again the next day.

[thewomanwhothoughtshewasahat]

berries - it has to be said that I don't understand the attitude it seems like you had to deal with. it would seem to me blindingly obvious that if you have a child who was keeping up, doing well and being disruptive, that something is wrong and that the work is failing to engage her properly. glad you got it sorted. dare i ask if either school was private? (without wanting to change the thread into something else...). Bluejelly - I agree about not pushing homework and have pretty much operated that policy, I think she just caught dh on a bad day and he was a bit short on patience. But it is frustrating when you know what they're capable of and they muck about!

[wanderingstar]

Same with my dd. Had lots of fun in nursery, reception, y1, y2 (just finishing y2 now). But didn't learn much tbh ! She could read at 3, at 4 could read long proper children's novels and stories, eg Milly Molly Mandy, all sorts of myths and legends etc. Could tell the time while still in nursery, picks up all maths really quickly, and so on. School is a private non selective prep; very good, sometimes, at giving extension work to dd, but all along she's been streets ahead of all the others, and I felt she was a bit too "prominent" being the only one with differentiated work. I thought it was unhealthy for dd always to be coasting along, with none of her peers working with her. She complained most of last year about being bored, was asking me for more work after school etc.

So I decided the arrangement wasn't working. She sat an exam and she's moving to an academically selective school in September, something I'd never have considered for her elder brothers - bright too, but they don't stick out beyond the norm in the same way.

Yes you may get parped, but many will understand. Try to speak to the teacher and maybe the head too, in a non confrontational, ready to cooperate type of way. Good luck.

[frogs]

Hi hatwoman

Yes, this has been pretty much the story of my dd1, and it kicked off properly in Y2, although we had rumblings earlier.

I think it all depends on the attitude of the school as a whole and of the individual teacher. Your post of 4.32 is entirely sensible; however, although it may seem bleedin' obvious to us it doesn't to the school, ime. Some schools deal with this kind of thing well, and have sensible workable strategies in place to keep the fast learner engaged. Others don't.

From our experience, dd1's happiness levels have varied powerfully from year to year, although the primary curriculum has never really met her needs, if we're honest. It's been manageably okay in years where she's had confident experienced teachers who like her as an individual, and can take it on the chin when their mistakes are pointed out and can cope with being asked questions they don't know the answer to. In years where she hasn't (Y2 and Y5 spring memorably to mind) it's been all-out war, dd1 being sent out of the classroom, sent to heads office, letters home etc. And not for major league disruptive behaviour, but just for talking, for reading her own books under the desk, and for arguing/talking back to the teachers.

I nearly moved her (yes, I confess it, to a private school) for Y3. In the end I bottled out for a range of practical, financial and emotional reasons, but with hindsight it was a mistake. She's an exceptionally focussed child and has, I think achieved the same level academically as she would have done in the private school, by dint of extra work at home, odd bits of tutoring, and us simply making resources available to her. But she hasn't really enjoyed school, and has intermittently become quite lippy, cynical and disaffected, and generally difficult to live with.

In your situation I would do the following: have a word (as non-confrontationally as you can) with the teacher, to get a feel for the lie of the land. If you don't like what you hear, make an appt to discuss with the head, and see if you like that any better. At this stage in the year you might as well wait to see how next year kicks off, then repeat as above. If nothing changes you probably need to accept that that's how it will be, with minor variations according to individual teachers, and develop strategies either to live with it or to move school. FWIW I think the structure of the National Curriculum and SATS focus makes it very difficult for all but the most exceptional state primary schools to cater properly for naturally very academic children within the mainstream classroom.

hth

[roisin]

I think I would leave it for now, and give the new teacher in September a bit of time to "work it out for herself". Do you have a settling-in parents' evening early in the term?

We've been fortunate that 7 out of 8 of the boys' teachers so far have told us that they are very able and need extra challenges, before we have felt the need to tell them. And it certainly does go down better that way round. (Sometimes you have to go down the route of "pushy parent" and put up with the label, but it can be counter-productive.)

I would write off this year tbh, plan plenty of fun things for the holidays and see what a new year and a new teacher will bring.

[jollymum]

Most schools don't cater for bright children. They have resources for children that need extra help, for whatever reason, but IMHO and experience, most bright kids just have to fit in. Saying that, my DS now 13 was incredibly bright and has now averaged out at seniors. Still well bright but not top of the school at all. Same with DS aged 7, he's doing mental maths at about aged 11 level but school acknowledge it with amazement and that's it. By the time he gets to seniors, he probably won't be on the gifted register either. There is a lack of communication between year groups too, take care your child doesn't get lost in the system. My weirdly clever one (13 now) was tested for Aspergers, etc etc and was just declared "odd" in the end! He's still very bright but has levelled out a bit because as he says, he doesn't want to be a geek and school doesn't cater for genius'

[Enid]

dont take this the wrong way but if my dd said what your dd said I would presume she was a) very tired (towards end of term) and b) had had an argument with friends

would not assume boredom was the whole picture here

[thewomanwhothoughtshewasahat]

enid - equally don't take this the wrong way but that was just an example - and, rather obviously, not the whole basis for what I've been saying. I know dd and I know she's bored at school.

[Enid]

yes I am sure you do

just a thought