Help! I'm in a right dither!

[Idonthaveenoughtime]

So here is what's happened...
My child was accepted into an outstanding infants school. However I put my daughters name on a waiting list for another local school straight away as I had a panic attack about after school care (thinking she probably wouldn't get in to the other school anyway as its oversubscribed.)

I told other parents and staff at her current nursery that she was going to this outstanding infants school (who were very praising of this outstanding school she had got into although I don't personally see what the fuss is about) so I feel I've sort of committed to the idea. She then attended an induction afternoon and so I felt more committed, BUT I didn't like the school when I visited it again, I think I'm quite swayed by how things look, it felt too small and seemed a bit run down, it smelled a bit weird and the biggest thing for me was that I felt that there were very few parents there who I would personally get on with (which I imagine helps with friends staying over etc). I felt the other parents blanked me maybe because my accent is a bit posh...and some of the children seemed a bit unruly (ofsted mentioned some parents complained of bad behaviour but they saw no evidence of it...I'm wondering now...) Basically I'm worried I won't fit in and that will affect my dd fitting in. I'm also worried if there is bad behaviour / especially naughty kids there, that my daughter will copy because she is a bit of a follower. Also, probably my main concern more than anything else is that the headteacher is leaving and it was the headteacher that sold the school to me. As the school is in a slightly more run down area (and the nearby primary which has a local intake has dire results) I'm panicking that standards are going to drop now the headteacher has left.
On the other hand the school she has been switched to hasn't sent me any info in the post, so I have no idea about what happens with induction, or anything! Which seems like bad form to me.
Both schools seems fine in an educational sense and I have no doubt that the teachers at the original little school would be nurturing and encouraging as they are obviously getting the best out of kids from a wide spectrum of backgrounds.

So then we came back off holiday and were told that we've been given a place at the other school and the old place has been cancelled already. I didn't realise it was as automatic as that!

My dd is really upset because she really liked 'the little school', she says the big primary that I put her on the waiting list for is too big and her best friend isn't going there (a good thing really as she (the friend) isn't exactly well behaved). Basically I think dd's been to the induction and has decided that is where she is going and she is very, very stubborn if she wants to be.

What do I do? I also feel stupid now (and didn't forsee this) as I'm now worried that friends / people I know who have commended my choice of the original outstanding school will feel offended that I've switched her as it will seem I don't respect their own educational choices. I don't really know how to explain to the room leader in her nursery whose own children go to this little school....! And she will know because apparently their new class teachers come into the school to observe the children soon! And if she goes to the primary she's been switched to then this nursery is her source of after school care! My dh thinks I'm being silly but I like to keep my social relationships smooth. Also, I think the problem is that I don't feel like I'm doing the right thing enough to be able to defend myself.

I'm not embarassed enough to worry about posting this on mumsnet however as I know I'm being an idiot dithering like this! I just don't know what the right decision is for our family and I'm running out of time!

Also, how are the local education authority going to react if I say, er, um, actually I'd like to switch back to original school now please because my daughter has already been to an induction day there...(and i've been dithering about two weeks now in a state of panicked indecision) - am I going to look like a bad parent?

What a mess I have made! I wish I'd never put her on the waiting list simply to save the hassle.

[Idonthaveenoughtime]

appendum:
"Both schools seems fine in an educational sense and I have no doubt that the teachers at the original little school would be nurturing and encouraging as they are obviously getting the best out of kids from a wide spectrum of backgrounds." - although this might change now the headteacher has left...?

[HabbaDabbaDoo]

OP - it's ok to post that you don't think that you will fit in with the posh mums. It's not ok to post that you don't think that you will fit in because you are too posh.

So I suggest that you put on a helmet. Good luck. I'll see you at the other side, assuming that you make it.

[creamteas]

I'd like to switch back to original school now

The chances are the place you gave up will have been offered to a child on the waiting list for that school. You could ask to go onto the waiting list, but there is no guarantee that a place will come up.

[Idonthaveenoughtime]

Lol, I don't think I'm posh, I just meant that I have a bit of a plummy accent due to my schooling which I think makes people assume that I am posh.

Also, I know from looking at the data for school places on the LA website that the outstanding school still has places available as they almost never fill all their places, probably due to the lack of after school care / fact it's an infants school. Or maybe because there are lots of snobby posh mums in the area?? lol.

[Idonthaveenoughtime]

Do you think the head leaving might negatively impact the school?

[HabbaDabbaDoo]

Depends on whether you are a glass is half full kind of person. The new head might improve the school.

[takeaway2]

To be honest I don't think there's much of a dither. You first need to find out if there's a place available in the initial school. If there isn't then there isn't anything more you can do.

As for dd being stubborn well you just need to decide where she is going and then start a smooth campaign saying what a great school no 2 is.

As for nursery.... It really doesn't matter!!! It's none of their business! If she does end up back at theirs then fine. Although I'm not sure how she'll take to it since she's technically a 'big girl' now therefore going back to baby class is kinda weird. That's what one of the schools near us do and that was what put us off with applying to that school. I do understand the need for childcare though as we both work full time.

[vess]

So you won't have after-school care if she goes to the infant school?
Most importantly, if it's only an infant, what is the junior school like?
Do you like the school she has a place at?

[Pyrrah]

Re the plummy accent...

I had so many people look at me when I told them which school nursery DD was going to and say 'you're going to be awfully MC for that school'.

I admit that I turned up absolutely petrified to the parents' meeting and more than it being a case that no one was 'like me', I was more intimidated that everyone already appeared to know each other.

I made a big effort to chat with people when I took DD in the mornings and at collection time and everyone was lovely. Helped that DD is very gregarious and popular with the other kids. Given that DD is leaving for another school at the end of the year, I won't be best friends with any of them, but I have no worries about not fitting in or otherwise with parents at the new school

I wouldn't worry too much. At the end of the day, the vast majority of parents have exactly the same wants and aspirations for their children - for them to be safe, happy and succeed - so you've already got lots in common!