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Support for those whose children aren't the class genius.

(35 Posts)
harryhausen Mon 13-May-13 11:34:47

I mean this in a fairly lighthearted way (I think!) I think in RL and sometimes on MN everyone else's child seems to be a child prodigy of literacy, music, sport etc.

My ds is nearly 6 and he's scraping by at school. I really feel he's not flourished much in y1. The teacher has said his spelling is awful (which it is). We have letters and words stuck up all around the house. We read all the time. He can remember words when doing a spelling test but can't remember them in his writing. It's barely readable. I was told his reading was good, but I know he's bumping along and is behind many of his friends who are flying ahead.
He's tried football and is terrible at that so gave up. He likes swimming but has only just moved up a class after approx 18 months.

How can I stop panicking? He's bright in other respects. He spends hours making little strange models for his toys to play in. He understands quite complex TV programmes etc.

I think I feel a bit strange as my dd really is one of the high flyers in her class. I know I'm being silly but it just makes me sad. I feel like he's not progressing, the teacher doesn't really 'get' him. I don't think he'll do we'll at all in his SATS.

Everywhere I go people are telling me what geniuses their children are. Logically I know it's stupid to be upset but I'd be lying if I said it didn't cause a little 'chink' of upset.

Is anyone else feeling the same at the moment? Anyone want to give me a friendly slap?grin

ThreeBeeOneGee Mon 13-May-13 20:08:17

I'd like to join as my DD is average in every subject (middle of middle sets). She got off to a bit of a rocky start with global developmental delay so has made astonishing progress to get to the level she is at now. She is still a bit of a dreamer and takes ages to complete any task given to her, but she is enjoying school and progressing well.

FunnysInLaJardin Mon 13-May-13 22:34:24

Three DS1 is a real dreamer and lives in DS1land for most of the time. His brother is 3 and tonight asked again 'where is DS1" I said I have already told you that, where do you think he is and he said 'he is at Beavers and you are going to collect him'. He lives in the real world and has a good grasp on reality.

DS1 with the same question would really have struggled to remember what I said although he may have got there in the end. That is because he lives in his own world and randomly comes out with stuff like 'what is a sapling' confused his world comprises Minecraft and Spongebob on the whole which is where he got 'sapling' from grin

Roshbegosh Mon 13-May-13 22:42:45

Nothing to panic about OP. He is what he is. Don't worry it's no reflection on you, as it wouldn't be if he were a genius. I get irritated with the "I have a child so I never need to achieve anything again, they can be amazing for me" attitude, not accusing you of that as I don't know you, but I have heard mums imply it. He will find his thing in the end and I hope he doesn't pick up on all those comparisons you are making with his sister.

DorisIsWaiting Mon 13-May-13 22:55:43

DD2 (5) in Yr1 (so young in the year) having a nightmare with her writing too, readings coming along really nicely now but try and get more than a couple of sentences out of her and you would think I was asking for War and Peace!

She would much much much rather draw a picture grin (they say a picture is a thousand words grin.

I am trying not to be too bothered DD1 (Aug born) had a horrendous yr1 (again great reader biut we saw very little written work as she was in a split class with reception) She managed to do really well in Yr 2 and seemed to surge forward and catch up / overtake some of the class, but this year seems to have dropped back to middling again... DH keeps telling me it's peaks and troughs but still you worry...

wheresthebeach Tue 14-May-13 13:17:02

I know how you feel. Middle or last from bottom set and you can't help but worry. The only thing that makes me feel better is that the top flyers from my primary didn't go on to do anything more exciting than the rest of us! Development happens st different times and I think it's the predicting future marks based on exams at such a young age that adds to the angst.
Always telling myself to stay calm... It will be fine.

Farewelltoarms Tue 14-May-13 14:15:44

MN education threads can be crazy. My favourite example of how skewed they are is the one that said that a level 4a 'was about average for a middle class child with no SEN'. Average for y6? No, this thread was about the levels of a child midway through y4...

Taffeta Wed 15-May-13 14:40:07

What a great thread, thanks for starting it.

I have one of each. DD (6, Y2 ) doesn't shine at school. She is mostly forgotten. Her reading is OK, her writing is erm developing shall we say, and her Maths.....lets not go there. She has tried swimming, tennis, French, netball, recorder, piano, ballet and horse riding and is average at them all! She sings nicely and she is a little sweetheart. She sits on the floor for hours talking to her dolls. Not outwardly motivated by success.

DS (9, Y4 ) top sets, v sporty. Plays football for an academy ( which btw is not competitive at all, it's all about how they play not who wins..... ), cricket, tennis, rugby, cross country etc. Wants to succeed and do well.

They are different children entirely. Of course as a parent you worry about them, but I am a firm believer in they are what they are.

I think often about their inherent traits, which are also v different eg patience, and how this will help em navigate through secondary school and life beyond. Who knows? I do think that with mine, DD is a more content sort of a person, where DS may well "succeed" as he is always striving for more. But at what cost? There's always a flip side.

losingtrust Wed 15-May-13 18:15:07

My two are the same. Ds started at primary in all the special groups. Got reading at 7 and moved to top group year 6. Lots of worry in the meantime. Average in maths. He is now in Year 8 and doing well. Maths still his weakest though so just not that way inclined. Not interested at all in football or sport. DD nearly 9 just now hit average for reading, writing coming on but still in bottom table for all although she told me yesterday she had been moved up a table for Maths and was really pleased. It really bothers her though so she has been trying to learn her times tables off her own back. I tried last year but she was not interested. She needs to decide herself. She loves performing but not the greatest dancer or singer. However she is a determined little girl with good work ethic compared to her brother who is generally content to do just enough. She may actually end up being more successful as a result. Who knows? Glad to see a thread that is not all about the top 10%.

losingtrust Wed 15-May-13 18:17:46

I found at school those who did well olin O levels did badly at A Levels and some of the happiest and better off people set up their own businesses after failing at school.

ijustwant8hours Mon 20-May-13 19:46:53

I was a high flier at school, straight a's, scholarship, cambridge. My brother got one GCSE (a D in drama).

We are now in our 30's, we are both happy, both have lovely families and both have good lives.

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