Stressed DD

[cakebake]

My DD is a bright little perfectionist, who seems to be getting increasingly upset/stressed, both at home and at school, if she has not had chance to finish her work, or is struggling to understand something (usually maths). It usually shows at bedtime, when she relaxes and starts thinking about things, which then turns into worries. We have an excellent relationship with her teacher who is brilliant with her and who DD really likes, and we're all giving her lots of praise and reassurance, and we're doing extra practice at home with her to try and boost her confidence (but not pushing her too hard). Any suggestions on how to get her to relax and switch off at night, at the moment a dvd in bed is the only thing that seems to work, but we dont want to encourage that as she wakes up tired the next day which then makes the problem worse - we'd appreciate any suggestions

[MTSCostcoChickenFan]

There are days when I come come home and the problem from work is still knocking around in my head. Even during dinner I am thinking about it, planning what I'll be doing the next morning.

A nice hot bath allows me to break the connection with work . If it works for adults .....

[PermaShattered]

How old is she?

[mumsneedwine]

Exercise. It really does work as a stress reliever - even if its just half hour of playing tennis on the Wii. Helps sleep and makes brain switch off a bit.

[seeker]

How old is she?

[Schmedz]

My DD who has AS was advised to spend 10-15 mins reading before turning off her light/settling to sleep. To avoid her reading too long and not getting enough sleep, she went to bed about 10 mins before her usual bedtime to have reading time and is not left to turn off the light by herself.
It does usually relax her. She also listens to audio books or quiet music when she has finished reading.
I taught her a relaxation technique of focussing on her breathing and tensing/relaxing various parts of her body (starting at toes, then feet, then calves, then thighs etc...All the way to squishing up her face tightly and then relaxing). Should be done very slowly and not rushed through!
Most of the time this helps. She has recently turned 11 and has been using these techniques for the past few years.
Hope you find something to help your daughter.

[TackedOff]

how old? for some reason I am thinking very young :-(

NO to dvds in bed, terrible habit and also not relaxing really. Extra practice sounds silly if she's really stressing over stuff. Agree re exercise, mine do tons and it knocks them out!

there is a good book called what to do if you worry too much on amazon, its great for stressy kids

[cakebake]

Thanks for all the messages, she's almost 7, and this has only started since she went back after easter. School have seen no change in her.

I've really backed off with doing extra practice etc (not that we pushed her in the first place). We've gone back to only DVD's in bed on a fri/sat night.

She is fine when she goes to bed and she will happily go to bed early (6.30ish) and read for half and hour or so, but once she tries to settle it starts, and then she is really grumpy, nasty and upset in a morning.

I'll try the more exercise thing, and relaxation techniques, and I'm going to have a look at the book as well.

Tonight she cried everytime she tried to draw a picture because she couldn't get it right, but nothing I know of has changed in her life, so may be she was just too tired or playing up, i don't know

Thanks again, hopefully this will be solved soon.

[ConfusedMummy1]

Reflexology is excellent for coping with stress and anxiety. It can have amazing results. The are practitioners out there that work with children. Chek out AoR webiste

[lljkk]

I wonder with perfectionists if what they need to do is to try something they know they'll never be good at but which they might enjoy anyway. It might break the cycle of feeling (not thinking but feeling) that they need to be tops.

[cheeseandchive]

I have this trouble and I'm twenty years older than your DD!

Something that helps me is writing things down - could she maybe write down a word or two that describes what she's thinking about and then she knows you can discuss it together in the morning? Sometimes just the act of being proactive enough to write it down might make her feel as if she's done something towards it, and also she can feel confident that she'll tackle the problem with you tomorrow.

[sittinginthesun]

Exercise every time! I am similar to your daughter, and find that the absolute best thing is to play tennis or swim.

In fact, when my dcs started after school clubs, I avoided any extra academic subjects and stuck to sport, and then music. If anything, I am sure it has enhanced their school work, and certainly made them more confident.

Can you arrange after school clubs, like swimming, tennis, gym? Maybe music as well. It just puts it all in perspective.