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Why on earth would you go state if you could afford private?

(1000 Posts)
Schmedz Wed 20-Feb-13 11:51:37

This thread is for Maisie and happygardening wink. I like dares!

1805 Wed 20-Feb-13 14:34:03

Thesecondcoming - I can't be bothered to argue with that. It's just an irrelevant and inaccurate comment. Another sweeping statement. I don't expect my dc to 'use' their friends.

(I am bored at home with an ill dd asleep on the sofa) Need to get off MN!

maisiejoe123 Wed 20-Feb-13 14:35:22

Maisie here! I didnt put this thread on!!

1805 Wed 20-Feb-13 14:36:45

It may not necessarily be the parents who pay the fees. Think military / clergy / gifted, sponsored pupils. I think you would be surprised.

Dinosaurhunter Wed 20-Feb-13 14:42:30

Interesting - I have one child and my husband earns a very high wage ( I'm a sahm) but it would never occur to us to send him private . I think for a range of reasons but mostly because we are both from council estates having hard backgrounds and would just associate private with posh , stuck up people !
Also his state primary is good and local .
Obviously my statement about posh people is a genralisation and I'm sure completely untrue , however in my mind I can't link my ds going to a private school and my husband laughed last time I mentioned it !

MrsDoomsPatterson Wed 20-Feb-13 14:47:18

'Cos the local private schools are crap? Mine are.

Yes here too. Friend's son just move to our (excellent) state secondary from private, already in trouble because he's just not used to discipline or homework, my ds has told him no, you can't do as you please at this school, you won't get away with that !

amck5700 Wed 20-Feb-13 14:49:25

Again, not that I can really afford it but my kids are very bright and I am sure could have gotten some kind of scholarships/burserys had we been that way inclined.

Reasons why I wouldn't:

A lot of the children I encounter from Private school are not very nice.
My children don't have the right accent etc so would probably be bullied
It would be really tight financially so we would need to forgo things like family holidays while they would be in an environment where foreign hols etc would be the norm.
Our local school is very academic and suits them well.
They sit probably about the middle socially in their school so have friends from all sorts of backgrounds
I'd rather sepnd the money on a decent palce to live and family experiences.
I don't really agree with it politically but am not bothered by people who do (keeps plenty of room in our school) and especially as they are effectively paying for schooling twice.

Reasons why I would:

I think sometimes in state schools children just float through and never really make the best of themselves and I believe that at Private they spend more time looking at the whole child - no idea if that is right though.
In some professions it helps to have the "right" school on your CV - I think it opens doors that are probably closed to state school pupils
The children tend to have a lot of confidence in themselves and I'd like that for my boys.


TheSecondComing Wed 20-Feb-13 14:51:15

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Dinosaurhunter Wed 20-Feb-13 14:52:56

Thesecondcoming- well said !

maisiejoe123 Wed 20-Feb-13 14:54:16

I made a joke on another thread (God, you need to be careful what you say around here!) and tbh I am really pleased that the debate is going this way, lots of people coming out in support of both private and state depending on whether there are suitable choices in THEIR area.

I was on another thread with Seeker (and she absolutely didnt say this!) and I was accused of mixing with hooray henry's, not knowing what real life was and buying priviledge. The best quote was that private schools were full of odd ball teachers! Do you really think that if they were we would be paying the £1000's to be taught by them. Oh no - I forgot. People who buy private education are stupid and conned into thinking they have something better or more suitable for their children.

If only they knew.... But some people dont. They read all sorts of nonsense and then think that is reality.. I really dont have any problem with people choosing whatever is the best for them under their circumstances. You might have a great grammar or a failing comp. You do what is best for you and your children.

tiggytape Wed 20-Feb-13 14:55:10

We know quite a few children with 1 in state and 1 in private. Maybe they can only afford private for 1, I don't know, but it tends to be families where the children cannot go to the same secondary school eg if the girl is at grammar school but the boy missed out on a place at the boys' grammar. Or where the boy got into a really good all boys' state school but the equivalent one for girls is out of catchment or has different faith criteria.
There are some fantastic state schools around - easily as good if not better than the private options - but that's no good if you can't get a place at any of them.
And if 1 child gets allocated a fantastic grammar or brilliant comp but the other child gets offered a much worse school sometimes much further into London, some people then take the plunge and go private so that the kids don't have vastly differing school experiences (the difference between a good private school and a fantastic state is much less than the difference between the best state schools and the worst). The reason they don't pay for both to go private is that there's no need to - they'll both get similar educations and opportunities.

OutsideOverThere Wed 20-Feb-13 14:56:54

In the only example I know of, it's for the same reason they would want to shop at a recycling centre for people on low incomes, than buy new furniture.

ie it costs them less.

steppemum Wed 20-Feb-13 14:58:12

agree with you amck.

But when we visited the grammar school, that also had boys with amazing, charming, confidence in a nice way. So I don't think it is exclusive to private

givemeaclue Wed 20-Feb-13 14:59:02

Prefer to spend the money in other ways

maisiejoe123 Wed 20-Feb-13 14:59:29

Spoke too soon. Here they come now, using insults about private pupils and what is this 'bray, bray', naice etc.

socareless Wed 20-Feb-13 14:59:55

tiggy you are too reasonable for this thread.

grin @ the secondcoming and MrsDoom

AChickenCalledKorma Wed 20-Feb-13 15:02:04

Because the only private primary school within walking distance is no smaller than our local state primary and has a streaming policy which I find frankly offensive (i.e. segregating into "A" and "B" streams at age 7 and then allowing no movement whatsoever between the two). Also, I can't bring myself to buy the kind of car or clothing that would enable me to fit in with the other mothers grin.

And because we have chosen to spend our money on other things, which we think the children will get at least as much benefit from in the long term (mainly a big house extension so they can have their own space).

amck5700 Wed 20-Feb-13 15:02:51

we dont have grammar schools here but our state school is very well regarded and academic - suits my boys fine - the nearest private school isn't very academic but I don't think that is their usp as it were.

socareless Wed 20-Feb-13 15:03:12

Maisie, bray bray naice is the equivalent insult to a private school child as seeker saying someone called comp children scrotes I think!!

seeker Wed 20-Feb-13 15:19:34

Yeah, absolutely, talking about "naice" freinds is exactly the same as referring to comprehensive pupils as "scrotes". Exactly.

seeker Wed 20-Feb-13 15:25:14

And anyway, I think the naice friends and braying remarks were aimed qt q very particular type of private school parent that nobody can deny exists- they are probably a small minority, but they are the. Just as the tattooed, feckless, smoking, pit bull wielding state school pqrent exists- once again, a small minority.

The "scrotes" remark shook me more than anything else that has happened on Mumsnet.

TheSecondComing Wed 20-Feb-13 15:36:26

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

1805 Wed 20-Feb-13 15:42:46

Ok - here's a test for some of you.

My dc live a street with a mix of council houses, shared ownership and privately owned homes. All the houses are the same, just owned differently. The cars on driveways range from Landrovers to no cars. All the kids play out on the street. The children aged 4-11 altogether go to 4 different schools. Some kids go skiing, some don't have holidays.

What type of school do my dc go to? How can anyone possibly say people who chose to buy a decent education don't want to mix with a range of people? I really don't care how much people earn. If they are nice to me, I like them. If they are nasty to my, I don't want to be friends with them. It's not about the money.

Please explain how I am buying a social class for my dc. And by the way, I can't afford £10k a year.

I do not enjoy people telling me what sort of "naice" people we are and that we do not like to mix with the "riff raff". I'm sorry, but you do not know me at all.

maisiejoe123 Wed 20-Feb-13 15:43:34

Here it goes again

'full of dim hoo-rah types' All of them really.....

Sparklingbrook Wed 20-Feb-13 15:45:04

I haven't read the whole thread but what's the verdict?

1805 Wed 20-Feb-13 15:45:27

offensive ignorant tosh.

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