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Two daughters at two different (and competing!) independent girls' schools. Surely not?

(14 Posts)
ponydilemma Mon 21-Jan-13 12:53:39

One dd is at very good, small, slightly eccentric girls independent school. Other dd is due to start in two years BUT we aren't convinced it is right for her (it is very small and she is hugely sociable and loves big groups of friends). Projected year 7 intake is about 12 girls! There is another girl's school nearby which is much smarter and whizzier with a much healthier intake in year 7. Trouble is, there is a natural rivalry between the two - in fact Smart School very much looks down on Eccentric School. Dh wants to send dd2 to Smart School.

Dd1 was horrified and said they wouldn't be able to speak to each other ever again hmm #dramaqueen

Would it be a stupid idea? I want the best school for dd2 BUT on the other hand I don't want to ruin family life by doing this. Eccentric school is lovely but just doesn't seem to attract huge amounts of girls which suits dd1 but not dd2.

Ladymuck Mon 21-Jan-13 13:02:46

Haven't done this with secondary school yet, but the dcs have been at different prep schools throughout. They are quite different children (though obviously both very bright and handsome ;)). If one of the schools is that small, how much direct rivalry is there? Eg will you end up at sports tournaments having to support 2 competing schools, as that is an odd experience. But for the rest of the time we have ensured we know that the boys know why we think their schools is best for them, and as they both love their schools we haven't had a problem so far (other than occasional term dates which don't quite match).

NotADragonOfSoup Mon 21-Jan-13 13:03:52

A boy in DS1's class has a twin brother at a competing/rival school.

NotADragonOfSoup Mon 21-Jan-13 13:05:50

Oh, and I would have happily sent DS2 to the Rival school had it been the one that was right for him.

CaseyShraeger Mon 21-Jan-13 13:06:15

It sounds like a good idea to me, if the logistics are doable. If DD2 gets forced into a school where she's not happy just because DD1 is there then that's not going to be great for family life either.

Leeds2 Mon 21-Jan-13 13:08:15

I would send DD2 to Smart School, if that would be best for her education. Older daughter would just have to get used to it!

I know a few families who educate their children at different schools, mainly because they wanted, say, an academic school for one, and a sportier option for the other, and also wanting to educate twins separately, to try and encourage them to be more independent of each other. I don't think it is too unusual a thing to do, and I don't think the siblings that I know fight over it!

I also used to volunteer in a senior school which sounds very like Eccentric School. It closed down as low numbers meant that it was just not economically viable to run. I would be very concerned about that, if there were only going to be 12 girls in the year.

SocietyClowns Mon 21-Jan-13 13:10:26

dd2 is about to start in the nursery class of dd1's school. The school is perfect for dd1 but being honest I am not sure it suits dd2 as much. For now logistics play the bigger part and it will be easier to have both girls in the same school. But I will keep an eye on things and if necessary move her to the rival school across the road if this would be a better fit once she reaches reception age. It would be a pita though, partly because rival school likes to set holidays as differently as possible to 'our' school.

DeWe Mon 21-Jan-13 14:08:50

Hmm. Might depend on the way you approach it. If you sound like you think Eccentric school is not good enough for dd2 that's going to cause friction. If you can make them see that one is best at one school and the other is best at the other then it might be fine.

My dsis and me went to one school, and db (youngest) went to another after dsis had left our school. Dparents spent the next 2 years while I was still at the first school making disparaging remarks about how it wasn't as good.
They then moved me in the 6th form, and it very quickly became clear to me that db school had much bigger issues, but they dealt with them by hiding them, and ignoring anything in case it became general knowledge. The first school dealt with issues out in the open much more. But dp wouldn't have it, everything had to be compared and found better at db school.
Db school closed a couple of years ago as numbers plumetted, whereas the other school has expanded, so I guess things were eventually found out.

larry5 Mon 21-Jan-13 17:43:29

When I was a child a went to a different independent primary school from my dsis. We both took an entrance exam to one school and she passed and I didn't. I went to a lovely small school and when I got to 11 I passed the 11 + but I had already decided that I wouldn't go to the same school as there is only 1 school year between us and we are very different.

My 3 brothers all ended up at different schools as well.

trinity0097 Mon 21-Jan-13 18:15:17

Our registrar has girls, all of secondary age at 3 different schools, choosing the best school for each child!

lisad123everybodydancenow Mon 21-Jan-13 22:06:02

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ponydilemma Tue 22-Jan-13 07:07:53

Thanks that's very helpful! The point about making dd2 go to dd1s school hadn't really occurred to me. Dd2 is very keen to look at Smart School so that's what we'll do.

Loshad Tue 22-Jan-13 20:01:56

i have children at 2 independent (and slightly rival) secondary schools. I just clamped down really hard on any anti school rant between the, (they are still free to cast aspersions on others schools, I'm not that hard corewink). It has been really successful as far as the dc go, and it was very good for DS2 who is an academic year behind DS1 to be at a different school to him as stop being known as DS1's brother.

Dozer Thu 24-Jan-13 17:20:50

I too would worry about economic viability of the small school and would go for the larger one!

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