Couple of quick questions.(17 Posts)
You don't need to go into detail but I would enjoy reading if you want to.
Do your kids, in the main, like school?
How often on a weekly basis would they become distressed at having to go?
Briefly if they are upset about going, what's the usual reason?
I am asking because dd cries and is upset almost every day. Has been through reception and now into Year 1. So I am wondering how common this is. Thank you.
DS went through a really difficult patch in reception, but at the end of reception. Lots of crying, refusing to get dressed etc. No reason to do with school that I (or his lovely teacher) could fathom. We did lots of sticker charts, increased independence, and a better evening/bedtime routine. DH and I both work full time, my mum takes DS to school, so we made sure he felt that special time had been spent with him. Some time spent sitting back from the problem and looking at some of our routines was really helpful.
Don't think it is that uncommon, kids go through phases.
My daughter went through this from year 1 until half way through year 3 then we reregistered her and have been home educating. She transformed literally over night to the confident, happy, laughing, motivated girl that we only ever caught glimpses of. She found a high achieving structured school too difficult for her sunny spontaneous personality.
I should add that 3-4 mornings a week she was so distressed when we left her at school. Sunday evenings were not a happy time either. She couldn't really articulate why at the time.
My DD2 would wake me up at 0630 every morning standing by my bed crying 'I don't want to go to school' to which I would reply 'you're going' - sounds harsh but my alarm was set to go off at 0700 and this would really p* me off.
I would take her to school and she would reluctantly go in but bounce out in the afternoon with big smiles. This happened from Reception to the end of Y2 (how I didn't throttle her I don't know ) But.... I knew from talking to the teachers that she was happy at school and there were no underlying issues whilst she was there. Suddenly, it was like a switch had been flicked and she's gone to school no problem ever since - now in Y7.
Ask the school how she is whilst she is there and I think you will find she is saying it now more out of habit than any real reason.
Hope this helps
On the whole my two enjoyed school. But the first couple of years were really tough. They were tiny, not much more than babies, and the day was very very long and busy. They were shattered when they got home. There were so many new and sometimes overwhelming experiences, I dont really know how we expect such tiny people to cope with a long demanding day. Some days they refused or cried. A few times I had the phone call from school to bring them home as they seemed ill. They slept like a log for a few hours, and then they jumped up as right as rain - just overwhelmingly tired. Add into that mix new friends, changing friendship groups, new school subjects like reading and writing, which must seem like a foreign language to some kids.
I think sometimes they cry and they cant tell you why, they just feel unhappy. I would say if there arent any obvious underlying problems, yours too might just be a bit overwhelmed by the whole thing. I can remember waiting excitedly at the school gate for them to come out, and when they came, they were just tetchy and grumpy and not very nice! A few years down the line, they both loved school, and would practically crawl in if they werent feeling well, they hated to miss it.
Have you had a word with the teachers? They are human, and they may have some words of advise to give you, they are very wise people usually! They ve seen hundreds and thousands of children in their care over the years. Hope your problem soon resolves itself.
My DC (now yera 9) have enjoyed school from day 1.
I have been absurdly lucky.
Feel bad writing it, but I suspect you wanted a fair response - my 3 DS have never not wanted to go to school or nursery - they love it (but they did start day care at 10 weeks so it's totally 'normal' to them). Are you sure your DC is happy at that school? Or do you suspect it would be the same anywhere? What do the school say? I would be concerned for that amount of seperation anxiety in Year 1 - I haven't seen a child cry coming into school since nursery where my kids are. Sorry if that's not what you wanted to hear - just being honest .
My older dd, mostly home educated, went to school for a term in Year 5.
In the main, she did not like it. There were things she liked and things she didn't like.
She was never distressed at having to go.
When she didn't want to go, it was because there were other things she would rather be doing and she didn't want to have her day mapped out in detail for her by someone else.
I guess her experience was probably not relevant to your little one, because my dd was so much older therefore self-aware. She was able to explain pretty clearly how things were for her, so I wasn't left guessing how bad it was or what the real problem was.
Looking back on it, I think this may have been part of the reason why I was so unkeen on sending her to school at four but entirely relaxed about her going when she was older. When they are little, it's really hard to know whether they are OK with school, how OK they are, and if they aren't OK then why they aren't.
My mum, for example, thought I was fine at school because I stopped running away from school after the first few days and there were some things I liked about school. But I remember the dread of school dominating much of my life until I was nine, and it was never a place I wanted to be. I guess it didn't show much, and perhaps people thought I was a naturally anxious child rather than seeing that I disliked school.
Hope you figure out what's going on with your little girl and that you are able to make things better for her!!
Both my dc love school. Never any tears. Been v lucky.
They have only cried or been horribly unhappy if they missed me or had a terrible social life.
DD loves school, loves the learning & social life.
DS1 is okay about school, would happily be HEd, has a good social life at school.
DS2 hates school, has no social life.
DS3 misses me but I think he likes school ok, good social life.
DS is not that keen on the education side of school - Y2 - but is happy to go - bit of moaning sometimes but no tears -
is she happy when she is at school and after school -does she have friends, is she progressing in her work - if so then I agree with misstrunchballit could almost be a habit - might be worth doing some kind of reward thing
if not then I would look at what is bothering her
Ds loved school through to year 3. By the summer term of year 3 he was looking for excuses on a daily basis for reasons not to go to school. We changed schools and he is now in year 4 and very keen to go. We had half term last week and he wanted to pop in to school when we passed by!
There is nothing worse than having a child who hates school, especially if you feel yours is the only one to feel like this. Does she have specific things she doesn't like? A friend's dc hated school pretty much every day until they got to year 3 but then settled and love it now.
My DS (now in Y2) had a tough time starting reception. Cried just about every day for 2 terms. Had to be pulled off me. Was really upsetting for both of us. BUT when he came home, was happy (if pretty tired). I talked to the teachers quite a bit, checking how he was at school and they assured me 10 mins after I went he was fine. They did call me in once right at the beginning when he didn't stop so I felt confident they would do it again if he really was inconsolable.
I know of friends who've had problems later in school I think they do have phases. My son now says he just didn't know anyone and I think was overwhelmed. He is now a supremely confident Y2 who skips into school. My DD has just started reception and there a couple who cry (luckily she's only done it once or twice). So it's definitely not just you. I can also remember going through phase aged about 7 of feeling v. anxious about school.
I tried sticker chart (didn't work) also getting my mum to take him to school for a week which did. You could maybe try creating a reassuring ritual - I had a window I waved/make silly faces to DS as he went in. I also put a photo in his bag so he could look at me if sad. Also maybe getting into class a bit early or late? Walking in with friends? Can be very hectic with 30 kids going in.
I think my son just needed to break out of habit of crying when saying bye to me. But I would say keep talking to the teachers - they have seen it before and sure they want to help. If it still persists a friend who had problems later in school tried talking to a councillor (firstly one at school and later psychologist). I think she found it reassuring and it also gave her some new strategies to help settle.
Hope this helps - it is horrible and I remember how I dreaded every day. But they often do seem to grow out of it.
All of ours love school, apart from our eldest who is on the autistic spectrum who went through a phase of hating school because he struggled socially. Tis lasted from reception until about Year 9. It was a long slog. He loved learning but hated the school environment. We attended lots of meetings in school to try and help him and in the end reluctantly sent him to the grammar school. It did not get much better there sadly, for a few years. However on starting his GCSEs he seemed to grow into himself and because much happier. He also started sailing through the school which created a new group of friends which helped. He is currently away on a school trip which he voluntarily chose to go on, which is huge progress .
Join the discussion
Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.Register now
Already registered with Mumsnet? Log in to leave your comment or alternatively, sign in with Facebook or Google.
Please login first.