bullying

[thanksfortheadvise]

My child is being bullied by a child who has "special needs". The school now say it is not bullying (although a teacher called it "bullying" last year) because the child is not doing it intentionally?!
They recommend my child see the school child psychotherapist?
It has been going on for over a year, please help.

[ScreamingNaanAndGoryOn]

How is this an AIBU exactly?

That aside - what form does the bullying take?

[thanksfortheadvise]

......some form of Asperger's I believe.....

[Boomerwang]

mmmh need more info.

[thanksfortheadvise]

....what is an AIBU? New to the forum......
Screaming in her face, pushing, pulling etc

[thanksfortheadvise]

Oh I see! As I say am new to the forum, have to navigate my way round yet, sorry!

[WithoutCaution]

The school ABU whether the bullying is intentional or not they should be doing a better job to prevent it

[sookiesookie]

regardless of any Childs additional needs, your child has the right for this not to happen.

If the child has aspergers, then it will be handled differently perhaps. But still should be dealt with.

What are doing about it? they don't want to label it bullying that's all.

[Tiredmumno1]

Maybe you should ask for them to be kept apart, if that's possible.

They shouldn't just ignore it if they know about it.

[sookiesookie]

I don't mean 'thats all' I didn't mean to sound flippant. I meant they simply don't want to label it bullying.

Although, if it is only happening to your dd, it could be intentional.

[thanksfortheadvise]

They keep saying they are doing everything they can?
After several trips to the Dr, (after many days off school for tummy aches over 3/4 months even being sent home by her teacher) The Dr said she is suffering from stress over what is going on at school. I told the head and asked for her to be changed class at the start of this year. The incidents are still continuing.

[MrsSchadenfreude]

Please get the school to do something about this, and fast. This happened to my DD with a child who had autism, and it made her life a misery. The school only acted when he bit her so hard - he was, apparently, hanging off her shoulder by his teeth - that she had to go to hospital. She had endured months of having her hair pulled, being screamed at, snarled at, pinched and scratched. The school wouldn't do anything about it, apart from "try to keep them apart in the class." He attacked her during break and at lunchtime. While I had great sympathy for the child and his parents, the school's lack of action helped neither child. He was finally removed and sent to a special school, as the school finally decided that they couldn't cope with his special needs. Six years on, my DD still has a scar on her shoulder.

[sookiesookie]

MrsSchadenfreude is right. They need to act for both childrens sakes.

Is it only happening to your dd? I would be telling the. I am taking it further.

[AgentZigzag]

If this has been going on for over a year normally posters would give a potted history of what had gone on so far.

It's unusual to just get a short OP about something so important to the poster.

From the little you've said, it sounds pretty shit they've recommended your DD goes to see a psychologist while they leave the situation with the other child as it is.

[thanksfortheadvise]

I have asked for them to be kept apart , they are now in different classes but the other girl keeps approaching my daughter at play times.
The other girl kept asking to play with my daughter last week and she kept saying no, then the girl said (as usual) "I'll tell on you" which she did and despite instructions that they are NOT to play together the dinner lady told them to go off and play together! My daughter was very upset again and she escaped away as soon as she was out of sight of the dinner lady.

[Portofino]

You need to give more details as to what has actually happened. How old is your child. Has the other child actually received a diagnosis?

[thanksfortheadvise]

After that my daughter couldn't face school the next day she was so upset after I had reassured her the adults at school all knew about the situation and they would back her up, instead she was put back in the lions mouth so to speak.

[Viviennemary]

Your child has the right not to be bullied. Put it in writing to the class teacher. Then in writing to the Head. Then in writing to the Governers, then in writing to the Local Authority. The school should not be burying it's head in the sand over this matter.

[Dawndonna]

I have three children with Aspergers. I would not tolerate that sort of behaviour. The child with AS needs to have it explained, carefully and consistently that the behaviour is unacceptable. It's a diagnosis. It is not an excuse.
Write to the head ask what they have in place ensure that your child is not put in a position whereby they feel bullied in anyway. The school are behaving abominably.

[thanksfortheadvise]

I rang the school who apologised again and again reassured me that all the teaching staff and dinner ladys would be informed AGAIN that they were not to play together.
The next day I managed to get her to school and she was pulled out of assembly asked what happened and told she would have to have a meeting with the bully and a teacher and sort it out!!!!!!!!?
She was so upset all day and had the most terrible tummy ache from the stress of it. I rang and complained again.

[Portofino]

Small girls - say 6-9 - can be EVIL to each other. It is not necessarily an issue of bullying or special needs. Yes, the staff at the school should be aware, but also you have to prepare your child that other children can be unkind, exclusive and all kinds of horrible. It happens!

[thanksfortheadvise]

Thank you MrsSchadenfreude think you are right I keep being apologised to then reassured and yet it still keeps happening.
I too have felt sympathy for the "bully" which is why I have let it slip for such a long time, but when the Dr says your child is stressed at age 7 you know you have to put YOUR CHILD first.
Thanks

[Portofino]

It is not reasonable to expect that dinner ladies can patrol the playground watching one child. I have had similar issues, and the strategy is to equip MY child to cope with it, and what to do if bullying happens.