Should I stress if ds1 (nearly 4) refuses to take part in the School Christmas play?

[MUMBOjingleJUMbells]

Title says it all really. It's the first School Christmas play for ds1 next week at nursery and so far he has point blank refused to take part in the rehersals. He apparently sits on the floor next to one of the teachers. I've tried to understand what the problem is, but he won't talk about it. The rest of his class are all in it.
The play is next week, I don't know whether to keep him home on the day of the play or take him to school in the hope that he will join in. I think it would be good if he did take part but I don't feel I can push it.
It's stressing me out........should I worry so much in the big scheme of things?!
Advice gratefully received.
mj

[hercules]

I would definitely take him to school that day and see what happens.

[COPPERfeelunderSantasTOP]

I agree with hercules. Just take him in and see how it goes.

[FIMBObellsFimbleAllTheWay]

My dd did this in Year 1 - she didn't want people staring at her (her words not mine!). She got dressed up as a Shepherd but sat at the side with her teacher. I would say just wait and see what happens on the day - don't force it. My dd is now in Year 3 and had a leading role as an angel this year - she loved it! The teachers did say a lot of children are "scared" to take part and enjoy Nativity plays more as they get older. HTH

[Witchycat]

My ds is the same. When he was 2 at nursery he just stood with the others for the play and looked a bit concerned. Last year when was 3.5 he came & sat on me & refused to have anything to do with it. He also refused to have his official photo taken at nursery this year and at school this year.

At nursery he used to refuse to join in with PE (although he does it at school now)and refused to do Sports Day.

I don't know about your ds but with mine it's all about needing to know what is going to happen. He doesn't like a change to routine and hates being in the limelight and so refuses to join in things until he has had a chance to sit & watch & then he usually joins in but only when he's decided he wants to - not when he is told to.

Thankfully, his school worked this out early on and let him just watch while the others did PE (for example) and then he joined in.

I think there's nothing you can do if he doesn't want to do it. I worried about all this until I realised his Dad is exactly the same. If he can't see the point in an activity then he just won't do it!

[serenitysaysHoHoHo]

Take him!

DS2 was exactly the same all through Nursery and Reception. He'd always go along though, and sometimes he'd join in and sometimes he's sit on the sidelines. I remember that they did a school assembly when he was in reception that involved a lot of rehearsals - they did a little choreographed waltz at the end, and DS2 refused point blank to join in. On the day he just decided to get up and do it with everyone else (very sweet he looked too!)

Even if your DS doesn't want to do that, maybe by seeing everyone else up there, and nothing going wrong, it will calm his fears/pique his interest for next time?

[Witchycat]

Just wanted to add that I agree with the others about taking him so he can see what happens.

Even though I've never forced my ds to join in (you just can't can you?), I did take him so he could see what goes on.

Another thing, is that it might get better with age and confidence. I never would have believed it of my ds but this year he went on stage as a Magician's Assistant at a party and took part in reception class's assembly & even had a line to read aloud. 2 month's ago I wouldn't have believed it possible.

[LIZS]

Does it matter if he just wants to sit next to the teacher ? Presumably they are just to the side of the action so he won't be completely left out. I bet others get stage fright on the day and the teachers must have seen it all before.

[thecattleareALOHing]

Ds (same age) doesn't want to be in it, and doesn't want to be looked at. He's singing in the choir and he's happy about that. We'll see how it goes on the day!

[puddle]

Bless him he's only (nearly) 4. I saw a reception perfomance yesterday and thought how tiny they all were and what a big thing it is to perform in front of other people.

I would be very low key about it. Maybe stop asking him about why he won't join in but talk about how you are coming and maybe he'll want to join in or you can watch it together and it'll be lovely either way.

[MUMBOjingleJUMbells]

Wow, thanks for all your advice. I just knew there would be some sound advice!
I'll drop the subject for now with him but aim to take him to the play on Wednesday and just see how it goes. I guess if he doesn't take part, it's not the end of the world is it?!

mj

[joanna4]

My son was like this when he was little but last year he took the lead in scrooge at school as a yr 6 he had to sing dance and act completely alone-aw he was good too lol

[TurkeyGang]

Yes take him along - no pressure - and let him do as he wishes.

Not everyone hankers to tread the boards as an 'ackt-tor' I guess! I was one of them and still am - hated the mere thought of getting up on stage. I wasn't shy, it just wasn't 'me' and made me very uncomfortable.

So far the children seem to like all that, but if they didn't I'd know where it came from!

[twirlingaroundthechristmastree]

My dd never wanted to take part! There are noramlly 1 or 2 who don't so the nursery staff are used to it. Just let him enjoy watching with you and have a fun time together.

My dd happily took part in productions once she was 5 . There is nothing wrong with your ds at all enjoy the show (wish I had relaxed more at the time when this happened to me!)

[bsg]

When ds was three he was a bit nervous but still did it with a very stern look on his face. This year he happily came on and did his part and my dd aged 3 loved it. She was an angel and had to come on the stage alone and dance. It was in a huge theatre and she woould have happily stayed on their all day I think. Let him go and if he doesn't want to do dont worry. There are plenty of adults who wouldnt get up on stage and do anything.

[sparklymieow]

dd2 refused to do the play at her preschool last year, she stood at the side with me. She did it this year.

[wewishyouaClaryChristmas]

Oh MJ
My ds1 is a bit like this.
I asked him if he stood for the school council recently and he looked horrified and said no, if he won he would have to stand up and speak in front of everyone! He's 6.5 BTW
But last december he was a soldier and just had to march on stage, march round and march off again. Suited him fine.
DD (4.5) is the opposite and has a starring role in the play at school (hah! except she's been ill and today had conjuunctivitis)
Children and indeed people are just different, don't worry about it. I would take himalong and let him sit on yr knee/with the teacher, make sure he knows that's fine but that he can go on stage if he wants to.

[MarsyChristmas]

Nah! Don't stress. I remember when DD1 was asked to be Mary at the playgroup performance. All she had to do was stand there and look pretty whilst everyone sang Away In A Manger but she said a very firm NO!

She got another opportunity in Year 2 where she had a speaking role as Mary lol

[Enideepmidwinter]

bless him

dd1 was chosen to be Mary last year and was thrown into utter panic

she was as good as gold in the end but didn't really appreciate it in the way the teachers hoped she might ;)

she is a book this year, with lots of other 'books' (why??????) and is pleased not to be centre of attention.

I would listen to him personally and not force him to take part if he doesn't want to.

[MUMBOjingleJUMbells]

Just got back from the play. DS dressed up in his costume but sat with his teacher for his class bit. I'm still really proud of him as the hall was full of parents, grandparents, other children so it must have been very scary for one so small!

Only downside for me is that I missed most of the play as I was walking ds2 around outside in the freezing cold! Can't win!

[bluebear]

Glad it went ok Mumbo - my ds has never joined in the christmas plays at nursery (just sat at the side) but this year he excelled himself - 89 reception children singing their heads off - and ds fell asleep!

[MUMBOjingleJUMbells]

bluebear!