I hate extracurricular activities

[tigermoth]

I am so not lookig forward to taking my 9 year old to his after school activites next week. It is such a hassle. I get home from work, scrabble around getting both 9 year old and 4 year old in the car. Drive son to the venue, whisk my 4 year old home again, we just get settled indoors when it's time to drive off collect my 9 year old. OK, many times my dh helps, but even so it cuts into our winding down evening time no end. Makes juggling meal eating and preparation and homework even more difficult.

That's just one of my hates.

Another is after my sacrifice (and my 4 year old's too - I sometimes feel all I am doing is dumping him in and out of the car) too often I get an extracurricular teacher saying something like 'your son must buckle down and try harder' My son likes going to cubs, judo etc, but sees these activites as a place to meet friends and let off steam and really just pays lip service to the leader's aims of teaching him a new skill. Perhaps I am being too competitive - I probably am - but I expect more from him if I am giving time and money to let him experience a new sport etc. It actually makes me really angry sometimes, especially when I know some of his friends are managing to learn as well as having fun. And I resent getting angry then having an argument about trying harder with my son, and the ensuing bad feeling all round, when the activity is a voluntary one that we don't have to do in the first place.

I know these activites help us discover if he has any hidden talents or leanings, but if I tried to incorporate music, drama, singing (his teacher says he should give these a go) as well as swimming, cricket, judo, (his preferred sports) and cubs into his week, he'd only come back home to sleep and I would be a wreck and his brother would be getting pressure sores from spending his time sitting in his carseat.

Then there's the quandry over whether it's OK to drop one activity in preference for another. My son likes cricket more than judo, for instance. He seems to try harder at cricket too (he went on course during the holidays) But is it OK to flit from one activity to another? Should I teach him to persevere? I have decided that more than 2 activities a week after school is way too much, unless they are ones he does at school after hours. So this means he has to drop some activites, like cubs, if he is to take on new ones.

I am getting so fed up with the whole thing. It has been really nice having a rest over the summer holidays. I am so tempted not to start on the activity treadmill again. Yet I know some parents ferry several children from one club to the next every evening. How do they do it?

Also, I've got this nagging feeling that breadth of extracurrucilar activity and achievment (ha!) can count in a child's favour when it comes to getting into secondary school. I've heard that some year 5 parents start sending their child to all sorts of things just for this reason. Is this true?

[misdee]

sounds like an awful lot of too-ing and fro-ing to me. does your son really really enjoy these after school activities? maybe focus on one activity a week, dont do several. my dd1 is due to start nursery on weds, the following weds her dance classes start. i will be picking her up at 3.30 from nursery, then have to get her to the other side of town for 3.45. i couldnt imagine doing this more than once a week, its far too much of a push really.
i dont want to be one of those pushy mums who force their kids to do acticities against their will. my dd1 altho only 3.5yr has been begging to go dancing classes since before she was 3. i remember at work once, i heard this young girl (must have been 8), saying to her mum that she didnt want to do tap dancing anymore as she didnt like it. her mum replied that she was going to do it as she was good. if my dd decided dancing wasnt for her then i'd say fine. we always have swimming to fall back on
i dont know if extra curricular actvities have any thing to do with kids getting into secondry schools really. it never did when iwas a kid, but unless yuour planning to send your children to school which specialise in certain subjects, then i'd say extra curricular activites are mainly just there for fun with a dash of learning thrown in.

[doormat]

Tigermoth ooh you are up to your eyes in it. Is there other parents who feel the same as you and could take sharing an "activity run" ie you take 4 to cricket, one of the other mums takes 4 to judo etc.It could all save you alot of time and hassle. Just a thought.

[ScummyMummy]

Why don't you let him choose up to two current favourites but stress that he is then stuck with them for at least a term? Then you could have a talk with him about why he has chosen these particular activities and try and tailor your expectations a little to his reasons. He may, for example like cricket more than judo because the kids who go are more to his taste, or he likes the teacher, or he thinks it's a great game. If he's choosing expensive activities more for the social side of things you could explain to him how you feel about paying lots of money for him to muck about and try and get his agreement to concentrate and give the activity his best shot for that term. Though I would also bear in mind that mucking about with friends is an essential and fantastic part of most good leisure activities!

I wouldn't worry too much either about him flitting from one activity to another- if he is giving it a reasonable chance- or about him not doing a breadth of a activities at this stage. I don't think secondary schools use nightly commitment to extracurricular stuff as a criterion for entry and he has plenty of time to try things out and find out what he enjoys and is good at. Hopefully when he does go off to secondary in a few years time there will be a wide range of stuff going on at the school and he can start to take more responsiblity for trying things out, deciding what he likes and, importantly, for getting himself to and from the activities he chooses. I'd definitely go easy on yourself, Tigermoth; trying to do too much is just stressful for everyone and, as I've said before, I think you've got a great kid there who'll settle down to things and do really well in his own time. HTH.

[tamum]

Tigermoth, I agree with Scummymummy. Don't get too stressed over this, and especially not over long-term commitment to a particular sport. One thing that occurs to me though, is the teacher's suggestion of music. If your ds is interested (and only if), this would be a possible way to minimise your hassles. My ds does violin and piano (both because of his enthusiasm and nagging, not mine). The good thing about this is that in both cases the teachers come to our house. That means only 30 minutes for ds, because there's no travel, and no hanging around for dd.
The other advantage from your point of view (if not your ds's!) is that the opportunities for socialising and mucking about are more limited. Both my ds's teachers are lovely and he has real fun, but he has to just get on with it. Don't know if this is any help?

[Janstar]

I think everyone's advice here is excellent. I agree that two activities a week is enough - it's impossible to do everything. What will happen when ds2 is older and you have two of them to accommodate? I have denied my children certain clubs in the past because I was not prepared to drag the little one everywhere. I explained that as a family, all our needs must be given equal consideration.

We have also found it very helpful to share lifts with other parents. And we had a piano teacher come to the house. It all helps.

IMO it is not good for children to have too many extra curricular activities. I think we all (adults and children) need a good amount of unstructured time every week. Without it it is much harder to keep calm and in control. I don't think your son will really ever have time to think about which activities really matter to him if he is busy doing something every minute. And you will go mad.

[judetheobscure]

Agree with janstar about unstructured activity being equally important. And also limiting extra activities. I'm already not looking forward to this year as dd1 and ds1 have after-school activities on different days of the week. = 4 school runs per day for my youngest ds3 (will be 2). We try to put any other activities at the weekend - eg.dd does swimming and riding (also has piano but that's part of the school day). ds1 & 2 do swimming. PLUS dd wants to do more ... I like her doing the things she does at the moment - she enjoys them and she's quite good at them. And I don't want any more car journeys. But she does get bored quite easily. So how much is too much?

[JulieF]

As someone who helps to run an out of school type activity I would say that your son is doing too much. Saying that it is importnant to let him discover what he likes to do but at this rate he will burn out.

I'd defintely drop some of the things that he is less interested in.

[codswallop]

My opinion is that the only Not negotiable extra curricular is swimming - the rest I can take or leave.

even thats a hassle

[tigermoth]

I am still digesting the advice and info you have given me which is why I have not replied earlier. I am really keen not to overload my son with activities, and am definitey going to drop some in favour of a few others.

It looks like he will be learning the trumpet at school (after lessons end).That's what the music teacher has decided to allocate him and he seems keen to try it.

Thanks for your advice. I'll come back to this thread again.

[robinw]

message withdrawn

[CAM]

My dd does quite a few extra-curricular things but at her school they are encouraged to do at least one lunchtime club which are not paid for(things like learning chess) and at least one afterschool club (things like speech and drama, gym club,etc) which are paid for nominally (£1 per session). Luckily these are straight after school for half-an-hour so all I have to do is pick her up later. Swimming is part of her curriclum and she has private (1-1) piano and singing lessons during school time (paid for at going rate - not cheap). The only thing that I have to pick her up and take her to is ballet. So she does lots of interesting things but mainly during or attached to her normal school day. However, she is joining Brownies in January so that will be another addition (luckily it is a few minutes walk from our house). I can see that by the time dd is 9 (she is 6) it would be very easy to be doing stuff every night if I'm not careful so I'm going to keep a check on it all and try to encourage the things that she is particularly good at/enjoys.