How to handle this

[shades1]

sorry if this is long !

Background: DS1 has just started year 1. Prior to school was in private nursery from 4 months and never had any issues with his behaviour.

Reception - I complained to the school as he had come home on 4 seperate occassions with deep scratches on his hand, a mark on his face, and older boys taking his hat off him. Two weeks later I was called in to discuss is "behaviour" new teacher after christmas we used a reward chart for a week and I'd never been called in again.

DS went for a playdate with a friend on Monday, when i called to pick him up I could hear the noise and screaming from the street. when i got in their behaviour was like something off supernanny - jumping off furniture, locking themselves in the bathroom, it took me an hour when I got home to calm him down. he then told me that his friend had been smashing his toys on a garden wall, he'd been throwing toys over the garden wall, he'd thrown a gnome and smashed it, he'd wet himself laughing, and had squirted the liquid soap all over the bathroom wall, mopped it up with clothes and then squirted the rest down the toilet. his mum told me they had had a terrible time lately, and he had seen things no 5 year old should see - she didn't say what. I've told DH he isn't to go there again.

Today I was called in by the headmaster my DS had told another boy to F@*K OFF, but he'd also been in bother for pushing a toilet door open and hitting a child on the head. I accepted this and have said I'll deal with it.

I asked the head who he was mixing with in school as I had concerns about the above friendship, especially as this boy has been moved on to my DS table in class, my DS hasn't been finishing his lunch as says that this boy sits by him and messes all lunch.

The head asked if I would be happy to speak to the teacher, and I've said no as when I did it last year I felt as if he's been singled out as I was then called into school repeatedly.

When speaking to DS it is this other boy who's taught him the F word and he uses it, it was another boy who opened the toilet door, but my DS did push it open.

I feel as if he's being encouraged by these other boys but he's not sly so he's the one who's being caught, and has now got a "name" for himself so although I accept he's not blameless he's taking the blame for everyone.

I was considering speaking to the head tomorrow and giving him the further details around the two incidents, and expressing my concern about him having a name and taking the full blame

what do you think ?

[ScreamEagle]

Tricky one this - will think about how best to handle the school and get back to you but:

You need to talk to your ds (if you haven't already) and explain why being too involved with this boy may not be such a good idea.

Does he have other friends he could go off with? Could you invite another friend to your house and try to encourage other frienships that way?

Just some initial thoughts for now - I'm sure others will be along anytime to give you loads more advice.

[homemama]

I think you should speak to his teacher as you'll hopefully fing that it's treated in a more sensitive manner this year.
Boys of his age are very easily led by each other and you often find that one or two lads will dominate a KS1 class.

If you explain to his teacher that you understand this and that you know he's not entirely blameless and just ask if she can do her best to keep them apart at the table/on the carpet etc.

The more you make it sound like a reasonable request and that you're not expecting her to solve the problem the more likely she is to try her best to help.
Good Luck